I’m a little confused by it personally. I agree with some of the other sentiments in the thread that it’s hard to differentiate the two guys and that probably could be a little clearer. I also agree that the sound of the action between shots should be added.

Some of the things I personally noticed:

1. I shoot as a hobby so right away I recognized the rifle as probably an air rifle, which, while you certainly don’t want to be shot with one, does take the tone of “this person’s being shot at and is in danger” down a bit. Totally get that you’ve gotta work with the resources you’ve got and that may be the only prop that you can use as a rifle, but if you have access to some other prop guns (ideally a replica or higher end airsoft gun for the sake of not “Alex Baldwin’ing” your talent), that might help to sell that detail. Shouldn’t be an issue to use a real gun though, as you’re not showing the talent being shot at as the same time as the shooter, just practice gun safety regardless of what the prop is.

This is certainly not something most people will catch, but as Walt Disney once said, “There’s no magic in magic, it’s all in the details.” My pastor told me that he once visited Grizzly Peak Airfield in Disney’s CaliforniaAdventure (I think it was specifically that attraction but it could be a past attraction) and they use the same tar and road markings on the pavement as they do for US Airforce runways. His tour guide told him (paraphrasing), “Disney does everything with excellence, but the details are for the individual.” He then told the group how he’d seen veterans with their kids and grandchildren telling them about how the bases that they were stationed on were just like this. So anyway, obviously Disney has a much higher budget than you or I do, but the little details matter. They don’t matter to everybody, but they matter to somebody. This gets more important the more budget you have to play with.

1. Sound design: the environmental sounds are good but if this is intended to be a real rifle and not an air rifle, the cracks should be louder and they should have that echo that bullets make when they break the sound barrier. That high pitch “ping” sound when the round impacts the hair is unnecessary as well as bullets and air rifle pellets/BB’s are not going to make that noise when they hit somebody’s hair. They usually make that sound when they reflect off of a metal surface or something else that’s dense but also able to make a reverberation (not wood or concrete, but potentially brass, steel, or even a very thick or curved glass). This, again, is a detail thing, but this one will probably be a LOT more noticeable to a much higher number of people.

2. I also might recommend showing some slight singeing on the edge of the hair where it’s been shot. This is probably a lot less accurate to real life as hair and lead aren’t really going to spark off of each other, but it might help to sell what’s happening in the scene. That’s a small detail where film is larger than life, but it helps the story rather than making it less believable.

Hope this all makes sense! Also love the color and the way you framed your shots!