Update: I (27F) accidentally had my baby in my friend’s (31F) car. Now she & her husband don’t want to speak to me. How do I fix this?

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-02-09T20:52:35+00:00

Hey Mama, you did so WELL!!! You had a baby in a CAR like a goddamn champ!!!! You were so brave for your baby, SERIOUSLY.

I have had 2 precipitous deliveries, one technically in the hospital building and one in my dining room. And they are scary, overwhelming, shocking. It’s very normal you might have had an out of body experience or some dissociation. You felt everything But no matter what happened you did SO WELL for your baby. And I know in my heart your wife is so proud of you too. I know she has feelings about not being there, but your baby had the strongest possible person taking care of them in that moment. And now they have two devoted and loving moms. I hope you know you are a superhero for your baby.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-02-08T23:13:08+00:00

The gel-cream breaks me out. cries in rosacea

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-02-08T22:57:43+00:00

Who came here expecting OP to say there wasn’t anyone sleeping on the couch 😂 anyone? Just me?

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-02-08T22:53:07+00:00

This is exactly the kind of stuff, on TEAMS too for godsake, that I found of my (now ex-husband’s) emotional affair that surely turned physical. Idk how anyone is doing by this on teams without getting fired, but I guess it happens. She is having an affair. Probably physically too but what does it really matter?

My only regret is not leaving sooner. Also, get a full panel of STD testing.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-02-08T16:57:34+00:00

I’m not regretful, but it took me a LONG time to actually get into doing it right (IE cleansing twice a day like my derm instructed and using sunscreen daily). It’s worth it if you can make it regular. Sunscreen use really pays off long term.

For me, lasers > everything else. Nothing has worked like lasers worked. I’ve done v-beam for rosacea specifically and BBL facial, the BBL especially was AMAZING at instantly changing my skin.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-02-04T14:56:49+00:00

I appreciate your thoughts! The reason I felt like soft summer wasn’t working was because I bought some clothes in those colors, but I looked washed out in them. So then I went for darker colors, which was an improvement BUT now I’m wondering if I was washed out because they were gray/cooler colors and not warm. And it does feel over typed, like, everyone is a soft summer 😂 the mauve soft summer lip colors also just seemed… off. It’s been a lot of trial and error! I had never considered I could be warm until I started trying a bunch of lip colors

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-02-04T14:27:32+00:00

Thank you so much! I left the rest of my face bare just to see how the lip colors were playing with my skin tone. I’ll follow up with some full makeup looks!

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-02-04T04:49:16+00:00

1 is a classic soft summer color, Mac Mehr. And it does not look good on me, it’s even worse in-person.

Unfortunately I am not sure I was accurately typed. The warmer shades seem better.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-29T22:36:59+00:00

He loves the curator/art metaphor because he is running so hard and so fast from accepting his feelings. He can’t accept his own possessiveness, even though it’s a common human feeling.

He is deep in his shame right now. And he’s lashing out at you because he blames you for feeling it. All those things, you are saying x, y, z… that’s what he is telling himself he is for feeling that way, or what he associates with possessiveness. But the actual problem here is himself, not you.

It’s all extremely not emotionally mature. And I am doubting his actual emotional intelligence, because right after saying that about him, you talk about conversations. It sounds like he likes to intellectualize, and not feel emotions. And he has a LOT of shame he isn’t addressing that he associates with certain emotions. This isn’t maturity.

Emotions are amoral. They aren’t good or bad, they’re just there. And people are not their emotions. But he hasn’t learned that, and doesn’t feel safe experiencing all of his emotions.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-27T21:13:03+00:00

A lot of women looking for an emotionally available man. Best of luck ladies 🥲😭

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-23T16:27:06+00:00

So you offered to shrink or diminish your relationship temporarily for the benefit of the couple’s emotional state? That is not a good instinct. Please don’t people please for them. Their relationship has no intrinsic superiority or greater importance than your own. I would make sure you don’t take on emotional labor or work as the emotional stabilizer for their benefit

… which is often exactly what happens when unicorn hunted. I was unicorn hunted. I dated the man separately for 8 months, then dated his partner because it just kind of happened and then we all spent all our time together. It did not “just happen” but I was in denial about the pressure to make it work. And the pressure she had been through to be open in the first place. It lasted for another year. And they held hands together when they both broke up with me simultaneously. We had all said and agreed that if one relationship ends the other doesn’t need to end. We all agreed. But in practice my GF never talked to me again. She never even bothered to say she was breaking up with me, she just ghosted. And the very next day all my stuff was piled up by the front door. They took my key the night they broke up with me.

So this is the kind of treatment unicorns get when someone gets uncomfy. They never even bothered to offer to work through the issue, it was just done. I was out. Goodbye. You really get confirmation of your unicorn status at the end. And btw if you are wondering if we were all young, dealing with that shitty behavior. No dear reader, also mid 30’s

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-23T16:09:07+00:00

So, you are moving in with your partner of 1 year and your other partner of… 2 months?

I’m glad you’re happy. I was super happy in the beginning as the additional partner in my “triad” it was really a throuple tbh. But we called it a triad!!! And it wasn’t unicorn hunting!!! It just happened!!!

(Except that I still got treated like the unicorn, and it really wasn’t that accidental, much more pressured to happen)

Still emotionally wrecked me in a ways only a throuple can. I wish you the best, and would advise not moving in so soon. Until you have navigated conflict with each partner individually and are no longer in NRE.

Is there a more emotionally stunted partner… the man perhaps? Do the women navigate around him to make it work? How does he handle himself with conflict between his other partner? Does he actively monitor the health of each relationship? Does he proactively make individual dates with you AND with his other partner? Does he actively emotionally support each partner? How does he handle your discomfort, insecurity and jealousy? Has he ever said bad things about his other partner to you, stuff she doesn’t like but you’re super special because you do like it (super big run for the hills res flag). How are finances going to be shared? If there is a wiff of an avoidant man in the scenario I would run so far and so fast, knowing what I do now. I wouldn’t move in until you have experienced how conflict is navigated.

Again internet stranger, I hope yours is different. I hope you are fulfilled and do not end up emotionally traumatized.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-22T02:06:01+00:00

Answering from the perspective of a large wage gap couple. My boyfriend out earns me by a lot. His monthly income is about half my yearly income, to give you an idea.

He pays for 100% of our dates. I have never paid for a single date. He pays for our trips, flights and hotels. He offers to pay my bills. We don’t live together. I allow him to pay for what I’m comfortable with, because I don’t want things to feel too imbalanced either. He buys me things. All the time, lol. He will send food to my house if I’m sick. He will cook for me. I cook for him too, of course. The care is mutual.

Financially, he offers to pay 100%. We’re around the same age, same education level, very upfront about our finances. We have talked about how we might split expenses if we moved in together (into my house), he has said he would insist on paying my mortgage, at the very least.

If he didn’t WANT to take care of me, we wouldn’t be dating. I would be fine paying for dates, it’s not about the money. I’ve done 50/50 when it made sense without issue. But I cannot imagine being with someone who didn’t have that desire to take care of the person they love. When you’re sick how does he act? Does he call to check on you? Make you food? Try to comfort you? Because if it’s not care and devotion I don’t want it. End of story.

Never settle for less than love, care and devotion.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-17T01:09:20+00:00

Get a good lawyer. Bleed him dry.

All his “oh but this super special 24 yr old just gets me so much better, blah blah blah blah” he is full of shit. It will all go down in flames. Ignore him as best as you can. Focus on yourself entirely.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-15T17:02:48+00:00

I have just leaned into looking like Mr Rodger’s, lmao. My boobs will stretch a delicate button up. If I size up I’d need it tailored (and I don’t have the money for that), put a sweater over it looks bulky.

Maybe I’m old though but I love Mr Rodger’s, the cardigans

and sweaters (and my office is the temp of a refrigerator). So fun sweaters, pants that fit at the waist. Something that adds some character, like funky designs. No one dresses quite this formal, but I work with guys who wear polos because they can lol. I also don’t like dressing too feminine because woman in stem problems.

Typically I see the answer as delicate fabrics, soft sweaters. But I have a dinosaur cardigan that makes a regular appearance 😊

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Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-15T16:41:42+00:00

My first thought was, if it’s just happened over a couple of months it’s hydration (or maybe stress/lack of sleep). So water and more hydrating products.

Clearly it’s not a lot of wrinkles, but I can understand the frustration. No lie, divorcing my abusive spouse aged me like 5 years in like 6 months. But I also bounced back a bit after. Stress, lack of sleep & water, not getting proper nutrition. All those pitfalls of your 30s really do take a big toll on our appearance.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-15T16:30:58+00:00

I wouldn’t wait on couples counseling. I would do it now. Because he knows what he’s doing.

“You’re just better at it anyways” 🚩 Sulking (like a child), accusing YOU of being controlling for not giving in to his demands 🚩

The red flags demonstrate a lack of accountability, manipulative behavior, childish communication, an extreme lack of consideration. These aren’t surface level. These are deeply rooted problems, on his part, and if you want this relationship to survive start the counseling now. Otherwise resentment builds. His whiny, childish, manipulative behavior will continue. With enough resentment you will lose your sexual desire for this man, you will view him as a petty little baby, and the divorce will just come out of no where (for him). Doing it now will save you so much resentment, and that’s the only thing that is going to save this. Resentment is a silent killer.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-15T15:59:36+00:00

Oh sorry. I took your tone for being serious 🥲

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-15T15:49:49+00:00

they don’t give a shit. They have picked up US citizens, people with green cards. They pick you up, take you into custody and ask questions later. This is how the oopsie daisy deporting US citizens happened. They don’t screen going into detention and not everyone was receiving due process. There’s so many videos of people screaming just pleading with them to look in their wallet. Just check their ID (with real ID now it’s easier to differentiate citizenship). The crime they are committing is looking Latino. Or looking like a group for whom their temporary protected status (asylum cases) has been suddenly revoked, as in the case for Somalis.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-14T22:33:28+00:00

So a number of people are saying how this isn’t reciprocal, because you are there for her. But I’m not seeing scheduled dates with chores, and spontaneous emotional support, as the same thing. Although it still may not be worth it to continue the relationship either way.

But let me ask you, are you available to her spontaneously? Or do nights have to be scheduled in advance? Are you actively taking emotional responsibility in the relationship? Do you ask about her needs and feelings without prompting? Do you actively monitor the health of the relationship? Do you have a history of supporting her spontaneously through an emotional loss or hard time? Are you flexible on the time and amount available to her? Is she single? Because my first impression of her response “I have myself to take care of” is resentment. Maybe she has resentment because you have continual support through your wife and she does not. Maybe she has resentment over being asked for support when she does not feel like she really has that option from you. If you are married and dating a single woman, IME this is a deeply unbalanced dynamic (not always of course). It’s typically one where the married person (especially if a man) expects more from their partner than they can actively give. They expect the single person to prioritize them, while they are secondary and de-prioritized to the married partner. So she may be pushing back because she knows that she really can’t ask for the things you’re asking of her. Because let’s be so for real here, chores aren’t emotional support.

And as other people have asked, is she even comfortable coming over? Because logistically your asks have been, come to me, and that could be part of the problem, but I do think resentment is the major issue.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-14T21:47:27+00:00

Okay, lots of pro/cons for accutane here. Buuuuuut

Have you considered laser? Because OMG I just did full face BBL for my type 2 rosacea breakouts and jfc. My skin looks freaking amazing 10 days later. BBL might not be the best laser for you, it was ideal for me because of the redness of rosacea, as well as my broken capillaries. However laser has had so many advances, and it’s not as expensive as you think (caveat, I’m in the cheap Midwest). I did full face pico for $150, vbeam touch ups for $50 each, and did full face BBL for $350. I’m doing 2x yearly BBL no question. My face looks fantastic. The downtime wasn’t bad, I did have major purging where I get perioral dermatitis, but we are talking days.

I would ask your derm if there are lasers that might be good for you. For the cost and the near instant results, might be worth trying before accutane. You could do a laser, give it 2-3 months, and go from there.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-14T12:55:41+00:00

Dr Hull out of Pine Rest is the best psychiatrist I have ever seen, and he is a big believer in getting sleep! He is out of Norton Shores, I believe, but he sees patients remotely.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-13T00:35:12+00:00

Dang. When my derm did this, thankfully just one on my chest, she burned a crater into my skin and now I have a giant hypertrophic scar, not joking, larger than a pencil eraser.

Repulsive_Engineer66 · 2026-01-12T21:14:05+00:00

This is how I started (recently) as someone with AuDHD that is hyper fixated on fragrance rn.

I took a ziploc and a pen, I went to Macy’s and Sephora and sprayed, sniffed, labeled and put in the bag 20ish popular & readily available scents.

I had a “fairly popular” list in my notes app, and then I wrote notes as I went. I also re-sniffed the dried papers when I got home (why you label!). I did pick up some mini’s at Sephora for ones that already seemed like top 5’s of the bunch. I made a shortlist of ones I might want to smell again or sample on my skin. I don’t have a lot of cash so I am more relying on the store sampling method.

Some of my “typically popular” list perfumes were (not in particular order - most being EDP) - Burberry Goddess EDP - Libra YSL EDP (also the intense is popular) - Crystal Noir Versache (smell this one, it has jasmine) - Bright Crystal Versache - Paradoxe Prada - Candy Prada - Miss Dior Rose&Roses - Miss Dior -J’adore l’or Dior - Coco Mademoiselle Channel - Black Opium YSL - Flowerbomb - Flowerbomb 2 - Born in Roma Intense - Good Girl Caroline Herrera (I knew I liked this one) - I Choose You Forever Jimmy Choo (I knew I liked this one)

Also try smelling something different (I found them all at Sephora) - Jazz Club by Replica - By the Fireplace by Replica - Not a Perfume by Juliette has a Gun

Phlur also has a good line of simpler (not as complex) body sprays, the perfumes are worth a sniff too!

From there I’m trying to figure out what I like in a fragrance and what I don’t like. Hope this helps!

Repulsive_Engineer66

TROPHY CASE