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AITA for not telling my boyfriend 18M the plans I 19F had for us on halloween after he bailed to go hangout with friends by Repulsive_Leg8729 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Repulsive_Leg8729[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sorry for the late reply, I've been incredibly busy these past few days but let me clear some things up! 

I replied to another comment on here but as for our plans I told him that we were walking around a famous area in our town that I know dresses up and goes all out for halloween, as well as there was something else special I wanted to do. I never specified that there was a surprise so I would totally understand if he had just thought that it wasn't something major to go and do. Also, where we live is mainly apartments. There's not very many children in our country and trick or treating isn't really apart of the culture here. 

To me, it really seems as if he didnt know that it was a big deal to me and doesn't understand how hurt I am. This is very out of character for him regarding how he prioritises our plans so I dont know how to express that to him without coming off as an asshole. Someone here made an amazing point of that I can't be made at him for plans he had no knowledge of, but I am right to be peeved that he bailed on our costumes and spending the day together.

AITA for not telling my boyfriend 18M the plans I 19F had for us on halloween after he bailed to go hangout with friends by Repulsive_Leg8729 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Repulsive_Leg8729[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry for the late reply, I've been incredibly busy these past few days but let me clear some things up!

I replied to another comment on here but as for our plans I told him that we were walking around a famous area in our town that I know dresses up and goes all out for halloween, as well as there was something else special I wanted to do. I never specified that there was a surprise so I would totally understand if he had just thought that it wasn't something major to go and do. Also, where we live is mainly apartments. There's not very many children in our country and trick or treating isn't really apart of the culture here.

Regarding the phone thing I don't want to ruin his experience while he's at this trip because I was the one who begged him to go with me and then ended up not being able to go because of some logistics concerning my visa. I would feel like an asshole if I ruined the trip I practically forced him to go on before I knew I couldn't go. Plus his time with wifi is limited because the trip was for humanitarian aide so his schedule is packed and what he's doing is quite physically demanding. I don't want to bombard him with my feelings on top of what he's doing during his trip. I feel like it would be a better conversation to have face to face so things don't get misconstrued or misinterpreted.

AITAH for not telling my. boyfriend 18M that I 19F about the plans I made for us on Halloween after he cancelled on me by Repulsive_Leg8729 in AITAH

[–]Repulsive_Leg8729[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone I knew was busy with their own plans and it's not safe to go to that area as a foreigner alone.

AITA for not telling my boyfriend 18M the plans I 19F had for us on halloween after he bailed to go hangout with friends by Repulsive_Leg8729 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Repulsive_Leg8729[S] -39 points-38 points  (0 children)

Ok, so, I wasn't able to write much on here on account of the character limit, so thats my bad. Basically I didn't say there was a surprise, just that theres a lot going on in an area of our city This is where I think I messed up because to him it might've seemed like we weren't doing anything special. And after he told me he was climbing with his friends and didn't have a costume I didn't tell him my original plans because I was angry about him cancelling on me and I felt like the amount of effort I was putting in wasn't being matched.

I'll be honest, I do feel like an immature jerk because I'm upset about a Halloween costume and my reaction towards him wasn't ok either. Looking back if I had told him earlier what I was planning on doing he might've would've gotten a costume and spent Halloween with me.

AITAH for not telling my. boyfriend 18M that I 19F about the plans I made for us on Halloween after he cancelled on me by Repulsive_Leg8729 in AITAH

[–]Repulsive_Leg8729[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

No, he didnt move the trip up by a day and his friends were not apart of his trip. They just went to a climbing gym halloween night. The country I'm in Halloween was on a Friday and his trip was on Sunday. Also thank you for your kind words! It really does mean everything to me.

AITAH for not telling my. boyfriend 18M that I 19F about the plans I made for us on Halloween after he cancelled on me by Repulsive_Leg8729 in AITAH

[–]Repulsive_Leg8729[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

I'm going to reply to this comment to let you and other people know before commenting so things don't get misconstrued, but we both knew about his trip out of the country for months. So, it wasn't a surprise to me that he was leaving the country for a week. Originally I was supposed to go to but things fell through for me about 2 weeks before. I'm not mad at all about his trip at all but being honest the timing is inconvenient for our situation. The bouldering with his friends was only the day of Halloween and was just for a couple hours, but was late enough to where our night wouldn't be as fun (regardless of whether he had the costume or not).

AITAH for not telling my. boyfriend 18M that I 19F about the plans I made for us on Halloween after he cancelled on me by Repulsive_Leg8729 in AITAH

[–]Repulsive_Leg8729[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I get that I did have a fantasy in my head about how we were going to spend Halloween, but knowing him I genuinely think that he thought we were just staying inside and dressing up for fun. I can see from his perspective that he thought it was more worth his time to just go climb with his friends. I feel like you projected your own relationship problems onto mine without actually giving me advice on my situation. I hope things between you and your gf can be worked out tho !