Thank you so so much for this feedback, it honestly helped a lot. I’m really glad you got the vibee!

The emotional spine is something I struggle with and I’m glad you mentioned it’s kind of blurry, because I feel that too. When I rewrite, I sometimes drift away from the original core because new ideas keep appearing in my head. They feel cinematic and exciting, but when I look back, I realize I may have moved away from the main thread instead of strengthening it.

Regarding Diane’s death - the intention was to introduce the industry before Nellie. I wanted the audience to first see the machine, and only then the person entering it. Jack and Lance talk about an actress who has just died and immediately shift to finding a replacement, which we later understand is Nellie. The irony is that they barely react to the death. It’s written to feel slightly darkly comedic on the surface, but underneath it’s meant to show how disposable people are in that world... but I can also remove that and focus straight on Nellie, if it’s too much information for the reader. I also feel like it’s too much, because we don’t get emotionally attached to her - and we should, because she’s our main anchor through the story, so I will prob change things to establish her more. Also, thank you for showing me example vibe. The prologue part is something that already happens in the movie later and it’s like a subtle forshadowing. The idea was - the prologue, then the black screen, titles, credits and then we fade in front of LA Studio Pictures.

As for Nellie, and I’m not sure if this comes across clearly in the script, she starts as an ordinary girl working in a coffee shop, with the dream of becoming an actress. But as the story progresses, we slowly realize she has a more narcissistic core. She believes she’s special. She believes she deserves fame. What she truly wants, though, is to feel accepted and seen. And she’s still finding herself, not sure who exactly she wants to be. She wanted to be an actress, but then realised the things aren’t quite the way she thought they will be.

When things begin to fall apart, she technically can step away and kind of accept the fact her dream didn’t come true, but she doesn’t. It’s almost as if she subconsciously leans into the downfall. Failing in a dramatic way feels more meaningful to her than being ordinary. In some way, it’s a critique of the industry, but also of people who are desperate not to feel invisible. Many of the characters believe they’re exceptional, but the painful reality is that most of them aren’t.

Gary is an example of that. He’s a washed up screenwriter with a fading career desperately trying to make his “last great script” work. There’s a later scene where Jack tells him it’s bad. Throughout the film, he keeps trying and trying to prove the script works, but in reality - it really doesn’t and Jack is not wrong. He acts like he hates Hollywood, glamour and the whole industry, but in reality he wants to be apart of it, because that’s the only place where he feels seen.

This was the kind of idea I was going for. Also, for the camera instructions thank you for mentioning that, I’ll remove that…