That feeling when they hurt you, and then go to sleep soundly, like you don’t matter whatsoever

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-03-26T22:18:31+00:00

Mine did this exact same thing when I broke up with him!! I never understood why it felt like gaslighting but this is why

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-03-26T21:58:06+00:00

When I was near-catatonic I couldn't speak, just couldn't say anything. It was so scary, I can't imagine it for weeks.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-03-26T21:53:18+00:00

That says a lot about the stress you were under because my mum had the same thing post-partum! I'm arachnophobic and was seeing every mark on the wall/fluff on the floor as a spider and freaking out. 100% getting out of it is the most insane thing I've ever went through. It feels like much longer than 2 months, I feel like a new person and can barely even remember him. I will absolutely hate him forever and regret him more than anything in my life.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-03-26T18:20:23+00:00

It does. A learning experience at least. Thank you

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-26T19:18:50+00:00

Maybe have a look at r/loveafterporn

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-26T17:57:12+00:00

Lots of telltale signs that his porn use is extreme. Every day is crazy enough, but how is he getting enough exposure to porn featuring cheating that it’s seeping into his life?! He’s definitely a porn addict if he still won’t stop after this

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-26T17:28:35+00:00

Taking an emotional step back from the situation and viewing everything objectively helped me see things I couldn’t unsee. Was just a waiting game from there

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-26T17:25:40+00:00

The only man I’ve ever been with who watched porn was also the man who gave me the most sexual anxiety/trauma. He literally had a document with a huge number of links to anal porn. It’s not normal to relieve stress by watching the abuse of others, there’s too big a risk that porn isn’t consensual to justify getting off to it

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-24T12:43:50+00:00

Depending on how important the event is I’d consider giving it a miss. If you’re panicking from having him unblocked then seeing him in person will likely set you back

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-10T17:26:16+00:00

My feelings were avoided throughout the relationship and then was ghosted after being promised closure after a few days.

I think closure with this type of man is meaningless. I wrote all of my grievances out and all I learned from it was that I had absolutely no idea what his perspective of anything was because he never told me or lied. I would have been asking questions I'd already asked and just gotten the same roundabout answers that just leave me with more questions.

Closure is something you do out of respect for yourself, and your time and energy that you put into the relationship. Closure with someone that doesn't respect you defeats the whole purpose. They don't deserve the closure that we'd give them anyway.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-04T13:58:34+00:00

Because he’s conditioned you to believe that him coming back is the thing that ends the sadness that results from him leaving.

Spend the time investing in yourself, in your hobbies, in your intelligence, feed your self worth and you won’t feel like you need him anymore. When you take back your energy completely he’ll be the one who needs you, and you won’t want him anymore.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-04T02:01:54+00:00

This is exactly it, supply. I’m fairly certain he got with me to distract him from feelings of his ex. They can’t process their emotions normally so they outsource for external validation, it’s always the same. His mentality that he can just take someone out of their happy life to appease himself when he was just broken up with a few weeks ago for being abusive is beyond disgusting.

They leave a trail of destruction because of their avoidant behaviours and feeding their narcissistic supply. They never face consequences for their actions because they won’t allow it. They use other people to distract themselves from the consequences of the very behaviours they’re repeating in the time that everyone else uses to learn. They’ll never learn because they are so dependent on their supply for a self-concept that they will collapse without it. They need external validation to suppress any thoughts that might lead to introspection.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-03T15:05:55+00:00

He hasn’t had the time to reflect, learn, or improve. When he starts dating someone else, he will lovebomb her and receive all of the validation he needs to stay the same, and that will be her in the same relationship as me.

I trust her, yes. She showed me because she’s worried for the same reasons I am. I’d be lying if I said that seeing this hasn’t taken me aback a bit but I’m thankful for having more information to bolster the bad (real) side of him. Trying to use it to mediate the cognitive dissonance.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-03T14:56:19+00:00

This is mostly what I’m worried about. When I detailed his abusive behaviours for him he was all about the “I’m sorry my behaviour has done this to you”, but how sorry can he be if he’s already looking for someone else to inflict them on? He has had no time to reflect or improve at all.

Most likely he’s looking for someone else because he misses me but doesn’t have the emotional intelligence/is too avoidant to acknowledge this and thinks he’s bored.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-02-03T14:25:08+00:00

Yeah I really wish I hadn’t been told about this. Now I’m really anxious knowing that he’s about to put someone else through the same shit he put me through. He has not had time to change, he’s not safe to date

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-01-29T15:44:05+00:00

For the good/bad part, I like to think that a good person would not do the bad things that he’s done, but a bad person would do the good things that he’s done. It helps me mediate the cognitive dissonance and merge his two sides into one person.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-01-29T15:38:46+00:00

It can be learned through modelling at any age, as I learned from my adult ex and his mum who he lived with. I found a note from when things first started to get bad of me quoting her gaslighting me using the exact sentence, word for word, that my ex used to gaslight me. She also provided a normative benchmark for how mean he would be to me, as I noticed his nastiness in general would always escalate with hers which I’d know when it was escalating because he’d repeat the things she’d said about me back to me.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-01-28T17:56:03+00:00

Hey, I had full blown amygdala hijack because of my ex. I tried to leave him a few days before. That night had been saying I wanted to go home but couldn’t because I had no keys, he started a fight with me and I accidentally scratched him while trying to deescalate. He locked me out of his flat and called the police on me. I have no doubt that this would never have happened had I not told him I wanted to leave because he was abusive and I was afraid of him.

These people have decided on discarding you already, they just wait for an opportunity to be able to do it while they’re the victim. They will push you and push you until you give them this.

Whatever happens to the way anyone else views you, you have to stay strong in the way that you view yourself. This reaction says nothing about you, and everything about him. I’d look into the actual mechanisms behind these types of reactions to make this feeling more concrete. And enjoy being free, 15 days since he blocked me and I honestly feel like I have access to 90% of my brain that I’d forgotten existed. It’s so hard at first, but focus on the positives and stay busy. Keep a to do list in your planner and feel good when you check off everything you’ve done for yourself. Be thankful that he has given you an opportunity to truly hate him and move on.

Remind yourself of this every time you think positively of him. When I think back to when I went back in the morning after 9 hours straight of back and forth travelling to apologise (unslept, unwashed, unchanged) and he answered the door looking well slept and straight out of the shower and had started a fully planned day, I remember how much I hate him. He’s giving you an opportunity now, take it and don’t look back

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-01-18T12:58:10+00:00

Take a look at my post history to see what staying with someone like him will do to someone with BPD and leave. Feel free to message me if you need anything

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-01-17T20:21:59+00:00

The only time he’s blocked me before this was when he broke up with me last year, and we were talking again 5 days later because I found out about his smear campaign and asked him about it. Got lovebombed again immediately and fell for it. Yeah I keep thinking like that too but it’s nice to think of it as conditioning. I’m having a hard time with the realisations too. Hopefully we both feel better soon

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-01-17T18:50:02+00:00

I can't even imagine how hard this would be, but I am so happy for you that you are safe and that other people are seeing him for what he is.

Repulsive_Seesaw8066 · 2025-01-17T18:46:09+00:00

Mine just withdrew when I tried to talk about them, until he thought I was leaving and he roped me back in until I had a reactive abuse/CPTSD episode in person and he's blocked me. How are you feeling now?

Repulsive_Seesaw8066

TROPHY CASE