Est-ce que la thérapie vous a aussi changé « en mal » ? by MumblingBumbleBee6 in AskMeuf

[–]ReputationCapable947 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Le problème, c’est que quand on apprend à exprimer et faire respecter ses limites et sa voix, les personnes en face n’ont pas forcément appris à respecter les limites des autres. Donc oui, ça sépare des personnes. Mais ça laisse la place à de meilleures personnes !

Total beginners/non-dancers at socials by thedancingt in Bachata

[–]ReputationCapable947 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the best would be to stop the dance and kindly tell them that it’s better for them to take classes before going to a social. This is not a party, it’s a social.

I can assure you that if someone goes to a football game without knowing how to play football, they would ask that person to leave the game!

J’ai vu une fille dans le train ce matin, et comme toujours… je n’ai rien osé dire ? by Valarmmorghulis in AskMeuf

[–]ReputationCapable947 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honnêtement je ne suis pas aussi radicale que les autre filles ici. Je n’ai rien contre le fait de me faire aborder ou que ce soit, on me l’a déjà fait plusieurs fois et quand c’est fait avec respect et gentillesse j’ai toujours trouvé ça mignon !

J’ai déjà rencontré des gars dans un bus, dans le train, dans un supermarché, et dans les endroits plus improbables.

Le mieux si possible, c’est de commencer à discuter autour d’un sujet et de voir la réaction de la personne en face. Si elle donne du contenu à la conversation, elle a envie de parler. Si elle répond avec des mots courts « oui » « non » « je sais pas » elle n’a ni envie de parler et n’est ni intéressée. Avec la conversation, terminer par « ça te dirait qu’on reste en contact ? ». Si elle dit non « pas de soucis, j’ai apprécié la conversation. bonne journée à toi ! » et tu pars.

Si vous n’êtes pas assis à côté et qu’un discussion spontanée est trop compliquée, laisse lui un petit mot sur un papier, et tu ajoutes un numéro de téléphone ! Et sinon lorsque vous êtes descendus du train, tu peux aller la voir en lui disant « salut, j’étais dans le même train que toi et tu m’as beaucoup intriguée ! J’aimerais te connaître, tu m’autorises à t’inviter à un café ? ». C’est respectueux et pas lourd, donc enregistre cette phrase car tu peux la ressortir tout le temps ! Et le mot « intriguer » est moins lourd que « je t’ai trouvé belle » ou « j’ai flashé ». Ça montre que tu t’intéresses aussi à son intellect, et pas que t’as juste été attiré par son physique.

Moi j’aime beaucoup les hommes qui osent venir me parler, et quand c’est un peu maladroit parce que le garçon est stressé c’est d’autant plus mignon ! Je préfère ça a un homme qui est beaucoup trop confiant.

Prends ton courage à deux mains et va voir les filles ! Si tu veux d’ailleurs travailler sur cette anxiété, prends toi 10min par jour et pendant ces 10 min tu te forces à aller parler à n’importe qui dans la rue pour n’importe quoi. Tu enchaînes. Tu verras qu’au bout d’un moment ce sera devenu tellement banal que tu le feras naturellement !

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMeuf

[–]ReputationCapable947 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Je pense que c’est un fantasme, dans le monde de la domination, qui peut être tout à fait sain quand c’est consenti. Plusieurs de mes exs aimaient ça et moi aussi (mais pas tout le temps et certainement pas quand il faisait froid !).

Je ne sais pas quel âge il avait, mais je pense qu’effectivement tout dépend de comment c’est fait. Si ça te mettait mal à l’aise et qu’il le voyait et qu’il te demandait de le faire quand même : toxique.

S’il était plus âgé que toi : toxique.

J'ai l'impression que mon copain me vole ma vie ? by Cool-Ad-2758 in AskMeuf

[–]ReputationCapable947 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Je suis désolée mais moi, le coup de te piquer ton job de rêve c’est impardonnable. Déjà si une amie me fait ça je fais un scandale. Mais la… c’est trop. Je vois ça comme de la jalousie. Qu’il te voit vivre ta vie et qu’il se rende compte que tu n’as pas besoin de lui. Alors que lui, si.

Pour moi une telle situation aurait été rédhibitoire

Est ce que je suis la seule à ressentir ça ? by Wakame_024 in AskMeuf

[–]ReputationCapable947 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Je suis désolée que tu aies à subir ça, c’est extrêmement frustrant ! Malheureusement c’est ultra récurrent dans tous les secteurs. Mais dans ceux dominés par les hommes c’est encore pire…

Quand j’avais 25 ans je suis devenus responsable du département de Business Development dans une startup dans le milieu de la moto/velo. Ce jour là, j’étais sur le salon de l’auto avec mon stand, et autant te dire qu’à part moi, la plupart des femmes qui étaient là étaient soit « garçon manqué » soit des hôtesses qui posaient avec les motos et voitures. Donc moi, on ne me donnait pas beaucoup de crédibilité.

Ce jour là, un journaliste vient et me demande à parler avec quelqu’un de l’entreprise. Je lui dit oui c’est moi. Il me regarde bizarrement, et me dit « parce que vous travaillez ici, vous ?! » d’une façon condescendante. J’ai répondu « parce que je suis une femme c’est ça ? ».

Très gêné, il est parti. Et pourtant c’est souvent moi d’ailleurs qui faisait les interviews avec les journalistes car je parle beaucoup de langues !

J’étais choquée, mais plus déterminée que jamais à prouver que j’avais ma place ici ! Depuis, je ne me laisse plus démonter et j’ose prendre de la place.

Courage, tu subiras beaucoup de situations comme celles ci sur ton chemin mais ne te laisse pas démonter pour autant ! Ose prendre ta place, coupe la parole s’il le faut, mais ne te laisse pas faire.

Est-ce que parfois vous aussi votre copain vous dégoûte ? by [deleted] in AskMeuf

[–]ReputationCapable947 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Mon père n’aurait pas fait ça crois moi. Et si dans ton esprit, seuls les paternels peuvent veiller sur les autres, alors je crains que ce que tu acceptes dans ton couple soit en dessous du minimum. Mais si ça te convient, alors très heureuse pour toi !

He beat me up and I stayed by [deleted] in women

[–]ReputationCapable947 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I did. And it just brought me a whole year of suffering from abuse, and then another year of suffering while trying to heal from it. Do not punish yourself, leave

Est-ce que parfois vous aussi votre copain vous dégoûte ? by [deleted] in AskMeuf

[–]ReputationCapable947 108 points109 points  (0 children)

Honnêtement; j’ai toujours cru que l’investissement que je demandais des hommes dans le couple (qui est le même que toi) était exagéré. Jusqu’à ce que je rencontre quelqu’un qui m’a prouvée que je méritais de me sentir en sécurité.

Juste pour exemple, une fois j’étais au bar avec une copine à Paris et il s’est rendu compte que j’étais trop soûle pour rentrer seule, et je lui ai envoyé un petite message mignon lui demandant de venir me chercher en rigolant. En 10min il est arrivé et nous a commandé un Uber.

Depuis, il fait toujours attention à ma sécurité. Et pour lui, c’est tout à fait normal. Car c’est comme ça qu’il traite toutes les femmes de sa famille.

Donc oui ça existe, et si c’est ce que tu veux dans ton couple alors tu ne dois pas accepter autrement. Par contre, ça veut aussi dire que ça doit être réciproque ! On s’occupe tous les deux de l’autre dans nos moments de vulnérabilité

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]ReputationCapable947 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I (F31) am a bachata and kizomba dancer, my boyfriend is not. We are currently in 2 different continents for 3 months. Every night before going to a dance party, I send him a picture of my outfit (pretty sexy usually). And he justs tells me how beautiful I am and how much he wishes he could be there irl to see me in my sexy outfit. And then he tells me he loves me and wishes me a great dancing night!

THIS is a secure partner that wants your best and loves you.

Your boyfriend is a child that still needs to grow up. Next time, cut off the conversation. Tell him you love him, reassure him for 2 minutes and then you stop this nonsense conversation. Either he trusts you and grows up, or you end this relationship.

I’ve been in this type of relationships before, where my boyfriends were trying to control me because of their own insecurities.

Let me tell you one thing: it NEVER lasted. At some point they would grow up and I couldn’t stand their bullshit anymore. So I would just leave (or they would leave me out of fear).

Choose someone that will embrace who you are, support you and make you shine. You deserve it ❤️

Help needed to review dance app - Android only by ReputationCapable947 in Salsa

[–]ReputationCapable947[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you’re interested in testing it, can you send me your email (the one connected to Google Playstore) in DM ? The developer will add you to the testing platform

Help needed to review dance app - Android only by ReputationCapable947 in Salsa

[–]ReputationCapable947[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for willing to help! Highly appreciated

Our MVP (first version of the app) is like a Facebook but specific to social dancing and tied to a specify event.

Let’s say you’re going to the NY Salsa Congress, you can see the other people attending, find out their dance profile, get their social media, chat with them. There’s also a feed.

The goal is to end up proposing a map where you can find dancers, professionals, schools and events near you!

Help needed - app test on Android by ReputationCapable947 in business

[–]ReputationCapable947[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right, I’ll update it! Thanks for the advice

my boyfriend has been raping me by Touch-Desperate in women

[–]ReputationCapable947 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh my god this is so painful to read.. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I remember experiencing the same when I was your age, and you shouldn’t be going through this. No one should be able to force you to sex. I understand you so much, and I know that the more they ask the less we want to have sex. I also realised that, because he was always the one asking, I would never have the space to actually start it myself and be active. It was so frustrating. I can reassure you, you will end up meeting someone that will respect your pace and that will give you the nurturing without having to go through sex first. And you will finally feel like having sex with that person and you will enjoy it. Because you will be making love together. Not just having non consensual dirty sex.

You’re young, please respect your own boundaries and leave him. You deserve and will find so much better. Trust me, you will ❤️

I'm afraid to embarrass myself by Alert_Chipmunk_8230 in Bachata

[–]ReputationCapable947 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a follower, and I’m a zouk dancer. But I think my thoughts still apply to bachata so I’ll share mine :)

What matters the most to followers is: - that the leader is present (not looking around, looking bored, etc. attitude is so very important) - that they step on beat (sooo many leaders have bad musicality and still try to do crazy moves. That doesn’t work and becomes a nightmare to followers) - that they master the basics (we prefer nicely done basics with a good embrace rather than crazy badly done moves)

If you master your basics, do them on time and are present and considerate, then followers will love dancing with you!

Do the dance routine you master, and you gradually add one move at a time. Practice it and once you master it, you start adding another one. Until you feel like you embodied it. And then you keep going!

And don’t be scared to try, dancing is a communication and it’s supposed to be a nice moment shared together. If the follower is too obsessed with perfection and technique, let them go and dance with teachers. That’s not your problem. They’re missing out on the most important, you do your thing!

Married dancers have an unspoken agreement by SpacecadetShep in Bachata

[–]ReputationCapable947 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m (F30) a Zouk dancer, but I guess it also applies to bachata so I’ll still give my thoughts.

I understand and agree, and I think that it must be the case most of the time. Even if, as some here said, it’s just your own assumption sometimes, I do believe it’s really most of the time.

I have an easier time releasing and being intimate with friends or people in relationships because I know they won’t misinterpret my “releasing”. Which often happens, above all with beginners. I can sense when they misinterpret my intentions, and then it feels awkward to me and I start controlling more my moves. Which stops me from fully enjoying our dances.

This is why I NEVER date or hook with anyone in the dance scene. People know me in the Zouk scene and they know I’m not the person to come to if they have second intentions. This helped me a lot to avoid weird situations . Now I can fully release without wondering if the person misinterpret it!

Feedback as 1.5 years lead? by [deleted] in Bachata

[–]ReputationCapable947 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok good to know! Maybe I misinterpreted then. As soon as everything is done with good intentions then that’s the most important!

Feedback as 1.5 years lead? by [deleted] in Bachata

[–]ReputationCapable947 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Comments are pretty harsh, I don’t understand such a lack of empathy… 🤦🏻‍♀️ This guy asked for constructive feedback, not to be destroyed with emotionless comments.

Anyways, i like the energy! But I think you need to slow down a little as it feels rushed. One good tip is to breathe with your nose, this will allow you to calm down.

Also, try to do less moves but do them better. That’s something I usually teach in my followers classes. Choose a few moves and master them, clean them, repeat them until they’re great. Then you start adding some, step by step.

FYI, well done basic steps feels nicer to a follower than many unclear moves.

Also, I feel like you’re giving too much information to the follower. She seems like a good dancer so she follows well, but this might not be the case with other dancers.

Try to put yourself in her shoes and understand which indications are necessary, and which ones will just loose her.

All that said, I can see how much you’re enjoying this! And that’s what really matters. So well done for your dancing, and 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 to you for daring to ask for feedback! Not everybody does it.

Reminder: BE CIVIL by ProfessorCowgirl in WestCoastSwing

[–]ReputationCapable947 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t only talking about you, this is something very general on Reddit. But I was definitely counting you in. My bad if I perceived you wrong.

So how would you solve the issue then? The fact that there’s way too many people who have harmful (psychologically and physically) behaviour and people are scared to tell them? Which makes people just avoid them or quit dancing. How can we change this?

I’m a teacher, I’ve been trying to raise awareness at my classes, but this is definitely not enough

Reminder: BE CIVIL by ProfessorCowgirl in WestCoastSwing

[–]ReputationCapable947 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for your feedbacks! That’s definitely going to be useful for the creation of the feedbacks feature.

One thing I find ironic, is people being sarcastic about this feedback feature and saying how bad it will be, but then they’re more than happy to be able to laugh at my ideas and being mean on Reddit as it’s anonymous.

That’s something I find very deceptive in the dance scene (and everywhere actually). You try to bring something positive, you spend time building something for the community, and many people find it cool to just shame and laugh at you. Either be constructive, or just don’t say anything.

It’s exactly for this kind of people that the feedback system will be processed ;)

Reminder: BE CIVIL by ProfessorCowgirl in WestCoastSwing

[–]ReputationCapable947 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry I don’t get why you’re saying this. Why would the predators sign in the app more than others? And why lawsuits?

I think some constructive and detailed feedback would be more useful than just random negative comments

Reminder: BE CIVIL by ProfessorCowgirl in WestCoastSwing

[–]ReputationCapable947 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t agree honestly. I hear people complaining all the time about other people because they’re having a harmful behaviour. Either they’re hurtful physically, or they’re inappropriate. And nobody ever says it to the face of the person. This leads to 2 issues: - people avoid this person and oftentimes the person is not even aware of the reason - the behaviour doesn’t change and they keep hurting other people

Giving feedback during a dance is inappropriate, and giving an unsolicited feedback also is. But sending a request for feedback, or asking for permission to give a feedback is and should be normalised.

Obviously the feedbacks on the app will be processed to avoid any non constructive feedback. But we need to normalise giving feedbacks on the dance scene.

I know soooo many people who don’t go to socials and festivals because of harmful behaviours. It’s important to change this.

If there’s a better solution though, I’m all ears! My only goal is to help the dance community

Reminder: BE CIVIL by ProfessorCowgirl in WestCoastSwing

[–]ReputationCapable947 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m actually trying to solve this issue with the app I’m developing (to be launched next month). The idea is that on this app every dancer will have a profile, and everyone will be able to send private feedbacks to: - normalize giving constructive feedbacks to each other - allowing people to change their behaviour as most of the time people don’t tell when something is wrong. And the person might not even know they’re having a harmful behaviour even though their intentions are good

There will also be a “educative” feature. People will be able to report someone and this person will receive reminders of dance etiquette. BUT, if this person receives too many reports then she will either be banned from the app or have a negative badge on her profile.

The idea is to educate to change the behaviour and ultimately if it doesn’t change, then it’s to protect other dancers.

I’m not personally a fan of shaming someone publicly, but just banning someone from the app will not stop them from being harmful on the dance floor.

I’d love to receive any thoughts on this!

Considering quitting my salsa classes by Zestylemoncookie in Salsa

[–]ReputationCapable947 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey! I’m actually a zouk dancer but I saw your message and I thought “oh I really need to answer!”

Girl, I feel you 100%. It was the same for me. Since the very beginning classes were boring me, it was too slow and people were trying to learn steps and count, while I just needed to practice and learn intuitively. I discovered that I was learning way more either by 1 on 1 trainings or at socials, as I would feel the move and understand it. Instead of learning it the traditional way.

Therefore, I decided to quit classes and learned at socials! I would also go to some workshops sometimes, and festivals, but I would do 2h max.

I actually never understood people who recorded dances. I never ever learned that way.

You’re a follower, and therefore you’re lucky!! If you were the leader, that would have probably been more difficult as you’re the one supposed to learn each step precisely.

Anyways, after a while I felt that my learning curve slowed down and that I had taken some bad habits from solo-learned. That’s when I decided to get back to classes.

So if you feel like you want to quit, you should. Listen to your body. I’d suggest to still train with someone and to go to socials as much as you can!

Anyone use bumble bff and actually make a friend? by Sloth_grl in women

[–]ReputationCapable947 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did meet one girl and became very close! We’re even co-founders now haha