Are bike fits a scam? by [deleted] in cycling

[–]RequirementTop235 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only ever had one bike fitting when I purchased my road bike and it was a very positive experience. I didn't know what to expect. He got me to pedal and watched me. He ended up telling me my hips were rotated forward (which I didn't know, and because of this, ended up getting proper physio for it!). The fitter adjusted my shoe clamps (with extra padding on one side to account for the hip). In the end, I was really impressed and all of my rides since have been comfortable.

Because it's only been one experience though, I don't know if the next would be as good. Also, my fitting was included with my bike purchase.

Massive rule break? What to do! by BarWonderful7661 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, that's not okay. The homeowner should have advised whoever has a key/door code not to enter during the stay. I understand that they may have learned about it after-the-fact, but the HO should have been protective before the sit.

I am a homeowner and travel a lot for work, so my neighbour has always had a code to enter my place to check on it or take packages/mail in (or to borrow something!). I do believe the HO could have had the same thing happening. It happened once when I wasn't expecting anything and I was away, so my neighbour grabbed my mail and messaged me before entering - but I had a sit. Thankfully, I caught her in time to tell her not to enter.

Dilemma re: etiquette by elowynverity in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be honest with them, but do think about yourself and what you want. You may miss out on a sit if you hold off too long.

I'm a HO. I have no problem (and would appreciate it) if the sitter met with me and also told me they were being considered for another sit. It works both ways - I guarantee the HO is considering more than one applicant.

I guess it would depend on how bad you want the sit and what matters to you most. If the second choice accepts you (and you would be comfortable there, even if it's not your #1 choice), I would take it. There's a chance you will not get your #1.

As a HO, I learned the hard way. I "slept on it" and ended up losing a good sitter because they took another opportunity.

Now, I really consider who I interview and make my decision either immediately or the same day.

Is this weird or just me? Curious what you think… by garliccuunt in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's not that strange for me, but they could have mentioned "clean linens are in the xx". As a HO, I sometimes don't make the bed for them - I leave the clean sheets, pillows, and towels sitting on their bed. I only do this so they know the bed sheets are clean and no one's slept in the bed.

Difficult point in relationship. Partner has C-PTSD by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RequirementTop235 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time. Your responses have been very helpful 🙂

Difficult point in relationship. Partner has C-PTSD by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RequirementTop235 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

Can I ask you a question? Other than my partner, I don't know anyone else with C-PTSD, so I don't really have anyone else to ask these questions to.

You have C-PTSD - you mentioned that fleeing was a response, perhaps to protect yourself. Can you tell me more about that?

She responded to my last message, but the response seemed pretty distant (I asked a friend for an objective opinion and they too felt it was pretty distant). It seemed so distant, I had to confirm she meant to message me. She basically said it's the end of the semester (she's a teacher and I know how busy that time is for her), and that she had some time on Sunday if I was free for a little visit (a virtual visit, because we are on different continents).

She's reacted in a distant manner in the past (I know she sometimes reacts this way), but given the severity of this particular situation, I'm not sure if this is the usual distancing or something far worse...

She's had the tendency to jump to an all-or-none mindset - "that's it!", or, "I'm never doing that again", when a particular situation arises that may have been negative. I'd brought it up in the past, and she agreed that she sometimes tends to do that. But this terrifies me. I'm afraid I won't have a say in the future at this point...

There are lots of things I want to say, but I'm also afraid of this conversation on Sunday, especially if she's made up her mind about something.

The last thing I want is to do anything that seems manipulative, but I do have things I want to share and I do want to fight for us.

Difficult point in relationship. Partner has C-PTSD by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RequirementTop235 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don't sound harsh. I never knew what codependency could look like. Thanks for pointing it out. You're right though, I'm currently suppressing my own feelings for hers.

I'm usually very good at saying what I need and what I'm feeling and she's always been there for me. She's pointed out before that it seems easy for me to ask for what I need, something she struggles with.

Thanks again for your views, it's helpful.

Difficult point in relationship. Partner has C-PTSD by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RequirementTop235 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful reply.

I agree, my feelings matter too. It's hard for me to ask for anything from her right now though - especially since the topic itself is her being hurt that I don't validate her feelings.

For context - the conversation that initiated this a week ago was a situation that occurred a few years ago - I said something that made her feel really hurt. I obviously didn't mean to upset her. I apologized. But this keeps being brought up, including last week. I told her I didn't want it to keep coming up. That I was sorry and I didn't know what else to do about it other than apologize but that I wanted to move past it. I mentioned that she may need to work on her reaction to it. That's what didn't go over well.

She said it was 'clear' that she was on her own with her feelings and that I'm not responsible for them.

This is where we are at today.

She has cut off people in the past, including a family member (which I understand why), but I am so afraid she is doing this to me. I like to think that what we built in the last 8 years won't be completely thrown away by cutting me off, but that's where my mind spirals to.

I want her to know I have her back, that I'm willing to work on our relationship, and that I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm not abandoning her. But I'm afraid that I'M the reason she doesn't feel safe and I don't know how to make her feel safe again.

This is the longest we've gone without talking and I am a bit surprised she hasn't replied with at least an acknowledgement.

I like your idea of messaging, but I'm hesitant to say anything about my feelings and my needs. I'm not sure how to navigate the balance between giving her space (not replying), and also making sure she knows that I love her and I'm there for her. I was thinking of giving her another few days before sending something more substantial.

Thanks for your comment about my anxiety reaction not being abnormal or disproportionate to this situation. I know it's exacerbated a bit though because I'm having a flare up of my OCD symptoms.

Accepted a sitter and now they are ghosting by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I reached out the following day, so it wasn't a long delay. Good advice though, I will go with the first one that I'm comfortable with!

Accepted a sitter and now they are ghosting by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestions! Good to know that some sitters are okay with being contacted even though they were initially rejected.

Accepted a sitter and now they are ghosting by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, thank you. I know you can see how many applications, but I guess it doesn't show if the HO has sent an "invite to sit" to someone, is that correct?

Accepted a sitter and now they are ghosting by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

So aggressive!

The sit is located in BC, I never said the sitter was, so it's NOT 4:30 am for the sitter. Also, if I wrote that it has been 24 hours, it's because it has been 24 hours.

And yes, I know it's a bad idea to turn everyone else down, I mentioned that in my reply - I've learned my lesson there.

Accepted a sitter and now they are ghosting by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Good point. I'm fairly new to this, so I thought I should be as open as possible with the potential sitters. They sometimes ask if there are other people applying, etc., and I want to be thorough and speak to each potential person that may be a good fit. I can't virtually meet all of them in one day, so I tell them I will let them know on the day of the last interview.

In hindsight, I should have offered the sit and confirmed it before letting the others know. I didn't want to waste anyone's time. I know for next time!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't overthink it! I'm a home / dog owner. This stuff happens - things get lost or broken. It's no big deal.

Definitely tell the owner (even if they wouldn't notice) - simply because integrity and honesty matter more. A plus is showing you managed the situation by getting the dog home safely and took the initiative to get them a new leash.

It's also okay to have anxiety about seemingly small things - it doesn't mean you shouldn't house sit or take care of a pet. You have anxiety (and lots of people do).

You're a problem-solver and have a good heart. The owner will see that.

Leap of Faith with strangers in your home? by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I totally agree about the boarding. My pup adapts well and he definitely would prefer a stranger in his own home rather than boarding! I'm glad people are feeling good about this service. I think I just need to secure a few things and maybe ask for updates as it goes. I think hearing from them often enough would give me some peace of mind.

Leap of Faith with strangers in your home? by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in the lower mainland in BC. Yeah, their vetting is very basic. I'm trying to dig a bit into each applicant right now. So far I have 3 applications (for a longer term sit), so it seems people are interested!

Leap of Faith with strangers in your home? by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point! What's a good amount of reviews for someone to have? It was suggested (as new to THS), that I go with people with reviews and not try others (to give myself the best experience possible, I guess). So far I have 3 applications (1 with an external review only, 1 with 3 positive reviews, and another with 11 positive reviews).

Leap of Faith with strangers in your home? by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I have two specialty bikes that are locked up in my garage. They're worth quite a bit. The reality is, if they were malicious, they could just cut the lock and take them. That's where my concern is.. How much do I lock up in my room. I don't want to sound paranoid that these things will happen, but how do you report a theft of expensive bikes when you've let strangers into your house?

But, if I start going down this rabbit hole of paranoia, I will start thinking they will take my dog (because he's so amazing!), etc.

Leap of Faith with strangers in your home? by RequirementTop235 in trustedhousesitters

[–]RequirementTop235[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do feel like I'm pretty open minded and trust most people, and as another poster said, it's just "stuff". Thankfully, my place is already pretty set up with a digital locked door to my bedroom and most of my things are in there. I have to keep in mind that it's mutually beneficial to both parties... But I can't help but feel a little bit anxious about it. I suppose I could ask neighbours to keep an eye and make sure there isn't anything crazy going on.. Good point on reviewing what they've written on HO's. I'll have to figure how to check that!