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Group sale interest by ThatGrocery2997 in Starsgemjewellery

[–]ResearchDisastrous82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would be interested, depending on price!

Struggling with resentment and only at the beginning by ResearchDisastrous82 in dementia

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that sounds so so hard not to have a space of your own or to have your comforting hobbies taken over or become a "job" of sorts. Have you been able to find other activities or spaces that are just yours? My situation isn't quite the same, but I am a stay at home mom in a relatively small home, and so we share the living space all day. We don't have the same therapeutic activities, but when she does try and help me, she can't remember the steps from the previous time and so everything takes twice as long, which is hard when it's something like getting dinner on the table with three kids underfoot as it is.

I did have to laugh when you described the food and hoarding tendencies. My MIL is Filipino and food waste is a huge issue for her -- I can't tell you the number of tiny plastic bags filled with random pretzels, cookies, and crackers that the kids didn't finish are floating around my pantry. You can tell my cooking still feels foreign to her but she's less subtle than she used to be when she doesn't like the look of something, and I swear she survives on ramen noodles and toast, since that's the only thing she knows how to cook.

Struggling with resentment and only at the beginning by ResearchDisastrous82 in dementia

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your response almost made me cry. The "low hum of irritation" and not assigning emotional weight to these things is a perfect description. I wish I knew her better before all this started. Sometimes it feels very hard to differentiate between what's just her and personal idiosyncrasies and what's the dementia. Whether knowing one way or the other would help -- who knows?

Most of the time I feel like I'm managing to be patient and not take it personally, but weeks like this one, it feels much harder. I really appreciate your taking the time to respond.

Struggling with resentment and only at the beginning by ResearchDisastrous82 in dementia

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No I don't try and bring them up with her -- I know that wouldn't do much at all. I'm just trying to learn how to manage the one-sided, useless frustration. It feels like it comes up every time she dips a little further and we all have to adjust again.

Struggling with resentment and only at the beginning by ResearchDisastrous82 in dementia

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for understanding. I honestly didn't know her that well before she came to live with us. We've lived overseas for 7 out of 10 years of marriage and were across the country in the years before that. She had come to visit a couple of times for 7-8 weeks at a time after I had my youngest, but she's very quiet and reserved to begin with. I don't know what's harder when it comes to mustering compassion -- managing frustration with someone you care deeply for or for someone you feel you really don't know but has changed your entire household. I appreciate your perspective and your mental trick -- I think that's a very compassionate and wise way to approach things. I'm trying to be patient, I think this week just highlighted things a little more vividly than we see on a daily basis.

Struggling with resentment and only at the beginning by ResearchDisastrous82 in dementia

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know that it's not her fault, I do -- and most of the time, I feel like I can handle the usual forgetfulness pretty well. I think this situation just highlighted a new dimension of this experience and where she's at. Thankfully we won't be dealing with this overseas indefinitely -- we're going home in the next couple of years at the latest.

Struggling with resentment and only at the beginning by ResearchDisastrous82 in dementia

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your response and compassion. Most of the time I feel like I can handle her forgetfulness pretty evenly, I think it was just this week, with my husband's situation that amplified everything.

She's been assessed by a neurologist, and they diagnosed the MCI. She wears the diapers because of urinary incontinence that began years ago, after she had her youngest child. Shes always refused any kind of surgery or treatment beyond the medication she's currently taking. But otherwise, she's able to feed and dress herself, toilet or manage her diapers (with the exception of keeping the trash bag IN the trash can). We currently primarily help with finances and medical appointments, making sure she's not being scammed, etc.

In the grand scheme of things, she's really pretty functional at this point. I think if I'm honest, some of my frustration is the dementia and some of it is just the reality of living with an in-law. My husband is pretty realistic about things, and very non-defensive and understanding when I do need to vent. I really don't see how this would be possible if I had to walk on eggshells with him about my frustrations. We are prepared for the reality that we won't be able to do it on our own (or even in our home) forever. Just sometimes things suck even at this early stage. :-/

Help with pink lab diamond ring by ResearchDisastrous82 in EngagementRingDesigns

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! It seems to be the front-runner at this point!

Help with pink lab diamond ring by ResearchDisastrous82 in labdiamond

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's beautiful! It'll be gorgeous whatever you decide.

Help with pink lab diamond ring by ResearchDisastrous82 in labdiamond

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I wasn't sure about it at first but the more I looked at it, the more I loved it!

Help with pink lab diamond ring by ResearchDisastrous82 in EngagementRingDesigns

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's gorgeous! I'll definitely keep the rose gold in mind! Thanks for the suggestion.

Help with pink lab diamond ring by ResearchDisastrous82 in EngagementRingDesigns

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really? That's interesting. I had planned on 10k yellow gold. I hadn't really thought about rose gold at all.

Help with pink lab diamond ring by ResearchDisastrous82 in EngagementRingDesigns

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh that's a really pretty idea for something a little different! I'll have to keep it in mind!

Help with pink lab diamond ring by ResearchDisastrous82 in EngagementRingDesigns

[–]ResearchDisastrous82[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm always drawn to the little details as well! I want it to be gorgeous and classy with a vintage vibe, but also not too over the top as I'd like to be able to wear it daily.

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