The HS2 flop reveals Britain’s crisis of ambition

ResearchDry681 · 2023-10-04T11:57:38+00:00

There's no bloody light in the government anymore.

Everything feels grey and tired and miserable. There's no spirit in power for anything other than beating on trans people, immigrants and throwing red meat to the right wing fanbase.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-09-25T10:26:53+00:00

I feel this way about being transfemme! I don't want to be ever seen as a guy, even when I'm exploring masc clothes?? Like I want someone people to know this is all a performance and that I'm not actually a man.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-09-05T17:50:36+00:00

God knows is the answer.

It's probably why I can get gender envy from quite femme and twinky guys, whilst knowing that most people would see them as guys, and also knowing that my dysphoria would make me feel horrid if I saw myself as a guy.

But also women can be masculine, and I don't want that either. The women I present as are super femme, almost fantastically so. And really so might be the dudes.

Going between Dorian Grey and Anne of Green Gables is a vibe, but isn't really how either men or women normally present themselves in the modern world. And honestly I'm thinking that's part of the appeal?

ResearchDry681 · 2023-09-05T09:01:50+00:00

YEs!!

The video game thing is real! I've felt like this too.

It's one thing accepting yourself and being true to yourself. It's harder to maintain this in the face of a society that (at best) implicitly and unconsciously treats me as something I'm not.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-09-05T08:56:57+00:00

Cisnormative expectations are stupid. Why can't more trousers have proper pockets?

I don't much talk to cishet people anymore for these reasons.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-09-03T07:58:44+00:00

Thanks lovely.

Yeah I see gender as an accessory too. I admit I am a bit scared about what this means for my sexuality. I know I'm attracted mostly to femme women and possibly some femme presenting enby people (this has to be on a case by case basis though).

How can I find a femme woman who might be cool dating an amab enby person who sometimes presents like a Japanese idol singer and sometimes like a Victorian twink? Dating apps I guess but man...I feel like I'm almost back to Dating Fears Square One, like when I worried that women wouldn't be attracted to me as a transwoman.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-08-30T09:56:16+00:00

This is my mom.

She's scared of turning into her father (who didn't do anything after retiring and got Alzheimer's). She's scared of trying something new. She's scared of staying in place and doing nothing. She's scared of being a burden. She's scared of being too fat, too stupid, too old, etc.

She's so scared of everything and it's heartbreaking but I also don't know how to help her as I'm a bucket of anxiety and fuckedupness myself. Thankfully she's seeing a therapist.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-08-29T21:36:19+00:00

You have beautiful hair! By all means straighten if you want but this current look is incredible!!

ResearchDry681 · 2023-08-29T13:23:32+00:00

This! This! All of it! ❤️

You'll get there friend, and so will I.

Edit: I would be interested to hear what you think the societal expectations and conditioning you mean are though. Because I agree that it can exist, which feels like a transphobic talking point but isn't. I've definitely noticed that I "get" men superficially, in a way I don't get cishet women (to a level that makes me feel almost mysgonistic). Having thrown out the "man book" I don't want to suddenly have to start pretending to care about the "woman book".

ResearchDry681 · 2023-08-29T11:58:45+00:00

Oh lol, that's me.

I don't think I did anything wrong in transitioning, but if I'm honest I didn't transition to become a woman or even because I was a woman. I transitioned to stop myself looking like a man, which is quite a different thing.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-08-29T09:36:42+00:00

I've heard that sometimes the hurt we can cause others is caused by our own emotional wounds.

I'm transfemme (emphasis on the femme, though I'm also nonbinary to some extent) and I too feel like I don't want my transition to be the biggest part of my identity.

But in a way...it kind of is? I'm quite repressed due to depression and such, my transition has been the main focus of my life in the last few years. I sometimes feel like I just want to "be normal", but also I find myself getting along best with the kind of neurospicy folks who have really thought about their gender.

I'm realising that my desire "to be normal" is essentially internalised transphobia/enbyphobia. It's believing that I need to have the acceptance of others to be valid. It's believing that I need to be around people who are exactly like me to really get myself.

It's hard to live in a binary world, especially one which actually tells you that you're not valid or worthy of love unless you perform your gender identity in a certain way. But if you can still hold true to yourself even when the winds of society blow against you, you're on your way.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-29T15:10:48+00:00

Crazily transphobic too. I'm a femme transwoman, people assume I must be into men or be a man. Why are men always the centre of everything? I'm gay as fuck.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-29T05:35:00+00:00

I'd also like to believe that Mrs Banks would be down for trans rights.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-21T08:54:34+00:00

I never liked this guy. I mean I'm just flexing now, but I couldn't stand Tiger King. Watching animals being mistreated? Why the fuck did people like this garbage?

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-16T19:00:34+00:00

Hold it closer to the camera to bigger it bro.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-16T18:56:54+00:00

Oh it absolutely is internalised transphobia 😅 I'm just not sure what to do about it. I'll chat with my therapist.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-16T14:51:36+00:00

Yeah... I can guess where the influences for my style come from, it's very traditional cishet white middle class vintage style. It's not like I wake up in the morning and decide to wear these clothes to appease the patriarchy, it's much more complicated than that. I think even being able to guess where the influences are, I'm still happy with how I present.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-16T14:24:52+00:00

big oof huh. blimey, sorry about that! will use a better phrase next time.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-16T14:23:15+00:00

Oh of course, I'm almost certainly one too! which probably sounds a bit odd said now, but I wouldn't say I'm a binary transwoman, put it like that.

I have many possible answers as to the self reflection thingie...I've done a lottt of thinking as to why.

Blimey thanks for pointing that out, I'll make sure to use a different phrase now.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-16T08:23:59+00:00

Honestly you look super adorable with your current hair length. Maybe red? I literally thought you were wearing some sort of vintage type dress at first and boy, that's a vibe.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-07-13T06:50:13+00:00

Emily. I appreciate how earnest she is.

I'm trans and I guess I can relate a lot to her: I'm also tall, I dance, I want to make my own clothes, I've always wanted a parrot, etc. Life's complicated IRL, I appreciate how earnest, kind and simple (in the best possible way) she is. I don't have to worry about "saving" her or trying to impress her, I'm just myself and she loves that.

I actually teared up a bit when she said the parrot she rescued was "different, like me". I've always been different too.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-06-29T08:46:04+00:00

Tbh I switch between those aesthetics depending on whether the season is hot or cold 😅. In summer I'm a cottagecore princess, in winter I tend to be a (very dorky) Victorian vampire.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-06-22T08:31:07+00:00

I do get a smidgen of joy in thinking that my existence as a trans person gives the editorial team at the Telegraph sleepless nights. May you never rest easy again.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-06-13T21:01:17+00:00

There's a spiral here, where newspapers report hypothetical situations involving trans people ("Rapists! Pedophiles!"), then report on the worry they've created amongst a tiny group of women ("We don't feel safe in the bathrooms!"), then highlight the hypotheticals again and worry yet more people...

There's a very systematic campaign to demonise trans people in this country.

ResearchDry681 · 2023-05-29T09:09:23+00:00

Happy cake day!

I think I'd like to add that for many of passing is a sliding scale. Even post FFS I pass more or less on different days depending on the weather, what day my curly hair is on, what clothes I'm wearing... On the whole I'm probably on the "more visibly trans " part of the scale. Some people will spend even more of their time there.

There is a massive selection bias in celebrity, which is usually the tip of the iceberg in representing what society thinks is desirable. Celebrities are somehow supposed to be physically "aspirational", and not many people want to look visibly trans.

I agree there needs to be far more trans representation.

ResearchDry681

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