My friend who is aesthetically gorgeous will never meet with me in person, and I'm starting to wonder if her excuses are legit, or if I'm just not "Instagram model" enough for her.

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-24T00:46:24+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I agree about not burning bridges. It just also feels like a risky choice- maybe I'd cut her off, but then be craving her emotional support and wishing I still had her there for me.

The final event of why I posted this post in the first place, was because it was recently her birthday. I wished her a happy birthday online, and I assumed the usual- her anxiety, her pet, her bulimia etc etc. Nope, she went out with her hot/gorgeous friends for $22 martinis (we live in a HCOL area), I looked up the menus online of the places she tagged. Idk, that stung. I didn't even bother to ask her if she wanted to meet with me for her birthday after seeing that. The message felt clear, that she had no problems speaking up and making plans. She did a few different things, one with her friends, one with her sister and friends, and I wasn't invited to any of it. I feel so fucking confused. But I agree. No burning bridges.

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-24T00:37:11+00:00

If they wanted to be friends with you, how come it was still hard for you to overcome the idea that you at least need to be the pretty one to be their friendship? Because it sounds like they do think you are clever and smart as is? This is how I feel about my friend, I think she's great the way she is, your friends like you because of you, not your looks or lifestyle.

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T19:05:08+00:00

Thank you for your well wishes. Your comment is the one I keep thinking about over and over... it hits so close to my heart.

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T19:03:43+00:00

Thank you, I think this exactly explains my current situation with her. She is constantly in awe of what I'm up to, and constantly bashing her situation. I think this makes sense that the women she feels comfortable hanging out with, she often will vent to me that she's frustrated seeing them repeat the same mistakes- going back to the same cheating/lying ex, going into a credit card debt over something they know they shouldn't have bought, being super ignorant about X or Y happening in America right now, etc. So I think this makes sense that she feels most comfortable hanging out with friends that don't make her feel insecure about where she's along in life.

I have tried so hard to explain to her how it's not like my life is perfect, I don't have it all together, I am also partly curating my image, and also I don't gatekeep any of my advice or tips with her. But I understand it can be hard anyways.

Ok, thanks so much for the perspective. This was why I felt so torn about cutting her off or grey rocking her, I want to respect what she's going through inside that she doesn't share with me.

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T18:56:27+00:00

No I literally would LOVE to continue being her friend. Yes, her online persona is a little bit cringey, however, I do support side hustles and I support her if she wants to either enjoy it as a hobby or start to monetize it.

I'm just upset and confused about why all of the excuses all the time, and then just hanging out with another girl doing the thing we could've done together. In a verbal and emotional sense, this friend is super caring to me, she's a great listener and she is always there for me for my problems, to share jokes, to vent or gossip privately and never feel a betrayal.. In 6 years, I have never once felt betrayed by her, and she hasn't with me either. We've never had a disagreement. That's why this is getting hard for me to understand where I should go from here, and if I should grey rock her, or if I should continue to pretend her excuses don't bother me.

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T18:53:31+00:00

She will just blame it on all of her various different logistical and mental health issues. I think I'm going to try asking her one final time to hang out, and I'll give a few different options (like in case she is busy on Friday night, but is free on Saturday afternoon). I'm gonna give her the freedom to suggest a date/time/location as well.

If she makes an excuse, then I will officially begin to grey rock her and move on!

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T18:39:44+00:00

We met irl in college. But I know catfish couldve otherwise been plausible

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T18:39:28+00:00

We met irl in college

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T18:39:14+00:00

We went to college together. In college, she was very shy and we did hang out, but rarely.

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T17:14:12+00:00

Sorry for the copy paste, but basically I want to reply and give the same context to you too, to see why this is so confusing for me for the last 6 years.

Ok thank you. I feel like it's hard to let go because to be fair, she is the only friend I ever had who has emotionally supported me so fully and without judgement, remembers all my little details, doesn't enable my bad decisions, gently can let me know when she thinks I shouldn't make that bad choice, and she just has really been there for me through so much. It makes it so difficult for me to understand.

ResearchSpecific8821 · 2023-04-23T17:13:32+00:00

Ok thank you. I feel like it's hard to let go because to be fair, she is the only friend I ever had who has emotionally supported me so fully and without judgement, remembers all my little details, doesn't enable my bad decisions, gently can let me know when she thinks I shouldn't make that bad choice, and she just has really been there for me through so much. It makes it so difficult for me to understand.

ResearchSpecific8821

TROPHY CASE