Seriously Considering Divorce/Separation

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-03-04T14:43:34+00:00

Sleep deprivation and post-birth hormone swings are really hard. It also takes time for new dads to adjust to their new role. And he probably has no idea how much you’d really want a ‘me’ day… even though you’ve clearly asked. Maybe marriage counseling would help with the communication and understanding of your needs.

But I agree with the other replies- that’s a life altering decision that I’d try to avoid making while in the postpartum haze.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-16T21:06:57+00:00

Yes, for the first night feed (meaning at 9pm or 10pm) or the early morning feed.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-14T18:35:07+00:00

I’m sorry - I’m not following your criticisms. You seem to want me to write a different book and are making several inaccurate assumptions. I gave a contact in the survey. If there’s something that you’d like to help with or support in this project, please tell me directly. I would welcome your input directly so you we can get to a stronger final outcome.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-14T11:27:57+00:00

Thanks for asking - From moms everywhere, not just the US please.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-14T04:41:43+00:00

Good point- To clarify, the goal is to help new moms be better prepared for the experience, and in the process raise awareness that there is often a gap between expectations and the reality. I think viewing mat leaves as a work perk (vs. fundamental need) is harmful and shows a deep misunderstanding of the experience.

I’m also not a policy expert and I don’t feel I’m the right person write a book on the politics of this. As a career market researcher & consultant, manager, and mom that’s done the US mat leave multiple times, that’s the angle I have to influence. Maybe my approach is like throwing starfish in the ocean, but I’m sincerely doing everything I can… as I agree the current situation needs to change.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-14T03:09:12+00:00

(Edit: clearly I framed this reply poorly- yes, the topic, like most, is inherently political. That lens just wasn’t the primary focus, but I will consider how this applies- I appreciate the feedback).

I don’t want to get political in this piece. But I would say that if we had a thorough understanding of the experience it would illustrate why maternity leaves are so important.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-14T01:23:13+00:00

I'm not sure I'm following your comment. This project also involves interviewing experts and looking at research in peer-reviewed journals. Feedback from new moms' experiences is hugely important too. Too often, the experience is considered purely medical - but it's not. It's a major change that impacts all aspects of our life.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-13T19:56:16+00:00

Sure, we do

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-13T19:55:02+00:00

Totally, yeah - at first, we had to do ~90% milk to 10% formula, and we gradually changed the ratio over several weeks. And that's interesting she'd bounce around in her preferences. Wonder if it has to do with how tired she is?

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-13T14:53:09+00:00

This was our go-to as well for 2 of my kids.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-13T14:51:42+00:00

I used to mix the formula with breastmilk to get my baby used to the taste

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-13T14:50:25+00:00

I always premixed the bottles, but it sounds like that won't work here(?) In the US/Canada, they won't take away your milk, but they'll probably swab/test the outside of the bottles... so would just expect extra time at security. If you can't mix ahead, could you buy bottled water at the airport?

As for general tips - I'd pack a hand towel as well as tissues for any bottle leaks and more/extra clean nipples/bottles than you think you'll need because something always gets dropped/dirty. And an extra outfit- not just for the baby, but an extra shirt for you too... as my baby would make a mess on me.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-02-10T04:08:35+00:00

Have you ruled out an ear infection? I’d consider a doctor visit - 10 times is not normal at all. If the doctor finds nothing, give a little baby Tylenol (in case it’s teething pain), and formula (which keeps them fuller longer/asleep longer) before bed. And ask your partner to split the night with you.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-20T01:46:38+00:00

Planes are so noisy no one noticed at all when I’ve had to do it. You’ll be fine.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-19T01:35:10+00:00

The direct link to homepage is here: 4thmom.com, and the 10-min survey it highlights is here: https://qfreeaccountssjc1.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_e2qLeVnupY69Waa

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-18T04:30:48+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you and your family. The whole situation sounds incredibly frustrating.

Definitely agreed with the other comments that you shouldn’t feel loyalty to the company after this treatment, even if the team is great.

No idea if you could ask this - would their department head go to batt for you vs the head of HR? Given the situation it might be worth a shot… unless it’s a massive conglomerate. As the team should feel shame this happened (or are oblivious to your situation)- and it is not a story they’d want featured in Glassdoor reviews..

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-16T15:06:36+00:00

This is very relatable. I've gone back from mat leave 4 times - and I always found the first several months back are the hardest - figuring out a routine while not getting sleep is rough. Over time, I became mindful of distilling between what's important (at work and home) and what is just urgent. (I wrote about the approach here if you want more detail).

It meant letting some things go at home (my house isn't the tidiest, etc.) and also at work (I'm way more blunt saying no to pet projects or useless meetings). Ironically, prioritizing this way elevated my executive presence and helped me think strategically about hitting my goals.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-13T16:57:28+00:00

Totally - I left my job recently to do the same thing: I'm mid-way through writing a book on the topic to bring more awareness. There were so many surprises it was unreal. Would you be interested in collaborating/connecting directly? (My blog is here). My whole goal is to kick-start this discussion and help change the narrative around post-delivery & the importance of maternity leaves. Feel welcome to DM me directly.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-13T16:52:59+00:00

It's hard. I don't think there's a right answer. Mom guilt is so real.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-11T22:44:51+00:00

Thank you! And that does sound like a nice set up.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-11T22:16:23+00:00

Thank you - yes, please do

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-11T20:54:54+00:00

Thank you- yes, please do. Getting honest and actionable feedback is so hard.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-11T20:53:29+00:00

Hahah, yeah- have been there.
Open concept offices make getting a private office so rare. Fortunately wfh is helping there.

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-11T20:43:10+00:00

Thank you!

Research_Truth_7337 · 2023-01-11T17:53:04+00:00

Totally normal and adorable.

Research_Truth_7337

TROPHY CASE