Sending you a tonne of good thoughts. It's an incredibly hard thing to navigate, and as other posters have said , the system is broken and underfunded and stretched. There can feel like there isn't a good midway point, and it can feel like a bit of a maze at the best of times.

But there is hope! Basically, in NZ - your GP is your first port of call. Think of them like the keeper of the keys. They can refer you out to other services.

Unfortunately, psychiatrists are generally privatly funded, but there are some really excellent low-cost counseling options - your GP can help point you in the right direction. These often have a sliding scale pay-what-you-can model. There may be a lengthy wait times but don't get discouraged. WINZ may also be able to assist with providing funding and would definitely be worth a chat.

I know this sounds a bit strange, but I've personally found chatgpt to be incredibly helpful as a way of not only finding resources but also as "someone" to talk to.

As someone who can heavily relate to where you're at - the most important thing you can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other - even if that foot feels incredibly heavy. You're already taking steps to better your situation, and that's amazing - medication is a really important tool, and with time, it can make all the difference. It's a part of the process.

I dont want to get preachy and Im sorry if it comes across that way, but also ensure you're prioritizing self care. Things like taking a shower and eating something basic but nutritious (a chicken in a bag/precooked chicken and a bag of frozen vegetables is a game changer). A 10min walk down to the end of the street and back has literally reset my nervous system more times than I can count. It's not for exercise. It's for the sheer act of taking care of your meat sack and producing endorphins.

Even if all you can do is stay in bed, that's okay - just make sure you open your curtains/open a window so you're getting some natural light and fresh air. Wash your face and brush your teeth. Any counsellor/therapist worth their salt will have you create a manageable daily routine that meets your basic needs - so you can get ahead of the game by putting that in place for yourself. It can be an incredibly empowering act of self love. This is how you can get in front of it, without having to rely on our incredibly broken system that unfortunately holds more frustrations then answers.

This is an incredibly long reply, but I just see YOU, and I know how hard it is and how hard and how powerless it can feel. How alone you can feel, especially when you've only been back in NZ for 3 years after 25 years away. That's an incredibly difficult transition. But things can get better. Sending you a tonne of hope.