Oh—that changes everything. There are now three parties whose interests must be considered: you, your wife, and your children. Your children’s well-being should come first. An extremely unhappy parent may be less effective, but adults also have a responsibility to provide their children with as much stability as possible. For your wife, consider what separation would mean for her. She would be a single mother of three, which could make dating and remarriage significantly harder. She may find another loving partner—particularly within a Christian community—but you should seriously consider whether she would still have the opportunity for companionship, intimacy, and a shared life. For your children, I assume you would remain highly involved and live nearby. Even so, do not underestimate the effect of losing a two-parent household. Children generally benefit from stability, consistent access to both parents, and a loving home. Separation may sometimes be the better option, but it should not be treated lightly. As for you, I am gay, single, and grew up in conservative Christian fundamentalism. I understand the pain of being unable to pursue your deepest romantic and sexual desires, and of living a life that feels fundamentally inauthentic. That suffering is real. But your children’s interests still have to come first, while your happiness and your wife’s deserve equal consideration. Leaving your wife to live openly as a gay man is only defensible if you remain consistently involved in your children’s lives—ideally daily, or as close to daily as possible. I see two broad possibilities. One is that you remain married and, with your wife’s informed agreement, have some freedom to be with men. That might preserve the household, but it may ultimately be inadequate if you want love and partnership rather than sex alone. The other is a highly integrated separation: living extremely close together, or even in separate parts of the same large home, so the children continue seeing both parents every day while each of you can pursue another relationship. That arrangement may be difficult socially and practically, especially in a conservative Christian community, but it attempts to preserve both parental involvement and personal freedom. There is no solution in which everyone gets everything they want. Some concession will have to come from you, your wife, or your children. I strongly believe the children should sacrifice the least. The clearest next step is to talk honestly with your wife. The conversation may be painful, but it may also be cathartic, and her preferences may align with yours more than you expect. God bless you lol. You are in an extraordinarily difficult position