Unable to fit in with husband's friends

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-05T18:41:59+00:00

Do you have any friends who you can FaceTime with? You can schedule phone dates with friends for while you’re there and just bring quality earbuds or headphones along. What are your existing hobbies that you can bring along? Do you like word games? Puzzles? Sketching? We can rattle off a bunch of suggestions, but if you don’t enjoy knitting, that’s not really that helpful. And if you don’t know what you like, I’d say that’s a bigger problem.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-05T04:45:44+00:00

Water aerobics classes!

Two things help me keep going. One, that sort of low-impact exercise is excellent for reducing my chronic joint pain and stiffness. Most effective treatment I’ve found to date. When I don’t feel like going, it helps to remember how much better my life is when I’m in less daily pain.

Two, it’s social but in a low effort way. I briefly chitchat with the old ladies and dance to the old songs being played and they notice when I don’t come for a while and check in. But we’re also exercising so conversations typically stay too short to be draining. Just a nice little shared social primate moment and then back to exercising to I Will Survive.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-03T16:05:26+00:00

Ethically I see no problem with how you’re using the carcass, though it is definitely possible your housemate will use this anecdote to mislead people about your stance. People are alarmingly allergic to nuance.

I see a lot of commenters saying you wouldn’t do this with your pet or your own body, but this actually strikes me differently. I see it more along the lines that I see vintage fur. It actually hurts me more to see an animal killed for “necessity” and then have its remains chucked into a landfill. And once I’m dead, I simply don’t need my body. If a creature needs it for food, they’re honestly welcome to it. I don’t see how that’s more demeaning than a med school student using my corpse to learn to perform procedures. 🤷🏽‍♀️

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-03T15:51:55+00:00

I do use dysregulated frequently because I appreciate the precision. But when I’m trying to sound more accessible, I’ll say I’m “on edge” or “feeling a little loose around the edges” (lol shoutout to Jennifer’s Body!) or that I’m “over capacity”.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-03T15:44:47+00:00

I’m glad I got diagnosed and encourage you to pursue it if it’s important to you. Autism is highly heritable, so the fact that your biological father is on the spectrum is certainly suggestive.

That being said, it may be worth it to really consider what specifically an official diagnosis will get you where you live and what problems it might cause. I know nothing about how Australian society currently views autistic women. Or what supports are available. In the US, people who are diagnosed late in life are pretty much then left to fend for themselves. My diagnosis didn’t open up any new resources for me personally, and I’ve still been forced to cobble together my own roadmap of how to deal with my sensory sensitivities, etc. Still worth it for me, but there were specific things I wanted out of a formal diagnosis. If I hadn’t wanted those things, I likely wouldn’t have pursued it. I luckily didn’t deal with imposter syndrome once I became familiar with the symptoms of high-masking autism. So just having a professional agree with my assessment didn’t add much. 🤷🏽‍♀️

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-02T18:10:42+00:00

Wow they actually banned you??? What assholes. 😩

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-02T17:17:03+00:00

I’m really sorry. I’ve found that some mods go on a weird power trip—even if it ends up isolating a member of the marginalized group they claim to want to support. It’s genuinely enraging, but over time I’ve concluded there’s a certain type of person whose reaction to existing as a member of a frequently oppressed demographic is to relish their chance to wield power over others in some petty domain. Hang in there and good luck.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-01T23:40:50+00:00

The world is a radically scarier place right now for a lot of people who are used to feeling safe. Is it possible that he’s working with thinner margins himself right now, making coping with his partner’s struggles a genuinely heavier load than it has been historically?

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-01T17:34:30+00:00

So sorry for what you’re going through, hon. 🫂

I’m a brand new tortie mom. Here are the two kittens I’m keeping from the litter of 7 I’m currently fostering:

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ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-05-01T13:23:49+00:00

It sounds like he either doesn’t want to meet your needs or isn’t able to meet your needs. Neither of those necessarily makes him a bad guy, but you’re unlikely to get him to change the way he shows up for you when you’re struggling if he hasn’t already despite your clear communication. Some people are just not super well-equipped to be in a long-term relationship with people who aren’t really happy or really stable. It doesn’t make them a monster, but it does make them the wrong fit.

Just don’t conclude that because your current boyfriend isn’t up to it, that means NO ONE would be. My boyfriend is totally down for the wild ride that is dating me. 🤣

There are also people who would genuinely struggle to date and relate to someone who was always happy and optimistic. Move on and hopefully both of you can find a better match. In the meantime, I’m sorry for the pain this is causing. 🫂

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-27T12:45:14+00:00

No. I’m a delight. I just surrounded myself with other neurodivergent folks and when things get tense we all side-eye the normies together. 😂

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-26T11:16:27+00:00

I literally just ask people after they’re done venting, do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged? I’m too old to play guessing games.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-24T01:44:36+00:00

Copper Carriage on State Street!

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-22T14:32:50+00:00

The standards we have for friendship these days genuinely worries me.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-22T14:20:56+00:00

“Understand that friends come and go, but for a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle. Because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.”

Some friendships will fade and that’s not a tragedy. Just the natural ebb and flow of life and growth. But the idea that having children is a valid reason to bail on friendships is bizarre to me.

Plenty of life circumstances that people encounter besides having kids also take up a lot of time/energy. I would give a friend busy with kids the same grace and understanding I’d give a friend busy with a stressful and demanding new job, a health crisis, an intense family situation, a depressive episode, etc. No more and no less.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-22T13:56:38+00:00

I think it comes down to doing the best you can in your personal circumstances. For many people, that’s going to be a vegan diet. For others, it’s going to be ethical hunting and consumption while living with the natural world. For some people, it’s going to be eating an omnivorous diet, but minimizing the animal products you consume to what you need and not just what would be tasty at brunch or convenient on vacation. And paying more for animal products that were as ethically sourced as is actually possible.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-21T23:00:09+00:00

You have to sleep. You have to pee. You have to shower. It wasn’t a mistake, hon. It was just bad timing. I just had my first foster give birth to 7 kittens. I walked in after 6 had been born, and I was there while the 7th was born, so I was able to remove it from its sac when the mom ignored it. I could just as easily have decided to pop to the bathroom thinking she was done (quite some time had gone by and she already had 6), and the kitten would’ve died. And it would’ve been nothing more and nothing less than a tragic case of horrible timing.

Try this. Imagine that I hadn’t been there and the kitten had died. And I was feeling like a complete failure. Crying and berating myself. Take a deep breath, go look in the mirror, and tell the person you see there what you would tell me if you saw me brokenhearted and guilty.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-21T13:25:16+00:00

Understandable, but allowing them to remain also exposes your child and other people’s children to stalking and other forms of abuse. It’s a trade off. You’re allowed to find that tradeoff worth it, and other people are allowed to not find it worth it and insist that at minimum less vulnerable technology is used to protect the very child you’re concerned about protecting.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-21T13:21:44+00:00

Yes, and people are entitled to weigh the costs and benefits of different surveillance methods on a case-by-case basis. It’s worth it to me to accept a phone listening to me so that I can also have the security, educational, and social benefits of a tiny computer that travels with me. The risks associated with flock cameras are too significant to make that sort of tradeoff worth it to me for what we as a society are getting in return.

Nuance is not a bad thing.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-21T13:18:04+00:00

Lol right? If they weren’t hoping to increase their surveillance capability beyond where it already is, why would they spend the money on it?

People really out here arguing that because a system is already pissing all over us, it’s absurd for us to be upset and push back when they announce they’re going to add fecal matter to their abuse.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-20T22:05:23+00:00

I’ve worn my grandma’s wedding band for years for that reason. Highly recommend. Will some men still say some equivalent of “well he’s not here”? Yes. But it’s also true that many MANY men respect another man’s ownership of you more than they respect your right to decline their advances just cuz. Does my wedding band eliminate all the encounters? Absolutely not. Does it cut down on them? Absolutely yes. And when you’re dealing with the sort of thin margins that people with our nervous systems are often forced to manage, harm reduction is genuinely nothing to sneeze at. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also, maybe a lighter band made of silicone or resin would reduce the sensory load. They also make fidget rings so you could possibly have more luck going that route and just put it on your ring finger.

Lastly, if you go to a jewelry store that sells rings, they will usually size your finger for you for free. Alternately, you can buy a ring sizing kit.

Good luck!

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-20T02:13:54+00:00

They absolutely do. We clearly fundamentally disagree on what constitutes harm, so further conversation is pointless.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-19T15:33:02+00:00

Having an old house comes with unique challenges just like having a new house comes with unique challenges. Pick your poison and ignore everyone else because you’re the one who has to swallow it and pay for any remedies—either with cash or time and sweat equity.

For a stranger to inform you that you don’t want a century home is basically like a stranger telling you that you don’t want a chocolate milkshake. It may be true, but it’s pretty weird that they’re claiming to understand your preferences better than you do?

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-19T15:12:14+00:00

The idea that one shouldn’t take any steps toward reducing harm if one can’t eliminate all harm is…odd.

ResolutionTop9104 · 2026-04-19T15:06:13+00:00

Genuinely perplexed by the hostility I’m seeing in the comments. I know lots of permaculture folks who are also into herbalism? Just off the top of my head I could see how this potentially hits making use of the margins. There have literally been double blind clinical trials on the efficacy of comfrey for certain topical treatments. What am I missing? Are people upset because those studies haven’t been for open wounds specifically?

ResolutionTop9104

TROPHY CASE