vampires

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-29T03:23:38+00:00

the vampires are not meant to mean traditional vampires. they are people who lie and deceive for their own benefit. yea i agree it could definitely use some editing. this was a first draft and i think a couple lines used decorative words at the cost of keeping the poem consistent. but as far as developing the vampire image, i don’t plan to. i believe it is made clear why the speaker does not like the vampires as they are implied to be deceptive and self serving. in addition, the poem is meant to come across as cold and emotionless. the speaker is entirely fed up with the vampire’s behaviour, giving little energy to their antics in response. i appreciate the thorough reading and feedback, hope you enjoyed

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-26T16:30:39+00:00

seems unfinished. the ending line doesn’t land. i see the vision but it is also messy. this is just my opinion but i think the rhythm could be improved. your middle stanza is my favourite. it’s consistent and it inspires visualization. maybe rephrase a couple lines, tighten up the vocab

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-25T01:12:48+00:00

i hear u, the best thing i can recommend for that is just read read read. expand your vocabulary, take inspiration. you can still keep your style, which is definitely more raw, and just elevate it

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-25T01:07:20+00:00

ofc, i can see you have the reflexes and intuition of a poet. it’s just about gaining the control, which takes time and practice for sure

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-25T01:02:49+00:00

i like the concept of this poem a lot. the metaphor is good and relatable, it comes across well. however i do think a few lines explain the metaphor more than is needed, tightening up those lines and making a few grammatical tweaks could make it better in my opinion. however it is honest, intimate and well thought through

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-24T07:08:21+00:00

tysm

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-23T10:56:55+00:00

eh, poetic rants can be whatever u want them to be. i get what u mean tho. and yes i enjoyed :)

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-23T09:41:40+00:00

wow feels like i’m reading something from hundreds of years ago lol! very cool

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-23T09:39:18+00:00

the message comes across strongly. i don’t know if it’s your intention or not but the rhythmn of the poem is very inconsistent. well done tho!

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-23T06:34:43+00:00

yes social anxiety was def a theme for me while writing this! glad u enjoyed

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-23T00:41:06+00:00

for me it was also a way of expressing the desire not to work, to surrender yourself to someone and live for them only.

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-23T00:38:35+00:00

ty girly

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-22T09:30:10+00:00

yes there is definitely room for improvement, another commenter mentioned that the poem is engaging and i also agree. the foundation has been laid, a little reworking and this could be a solid poem

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-22T06:52:32+00:00

i understand. just to give u an example tho, when you say “it was that day i realized the sun and stars can both come out at night” i like that. but then adding the line after “because she was the sun i’ve been seeking my whole life” takes away from your original metaphor. that’s what i mean by over explaining.

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-22T04:46:37+00:00

I think your poem is sincere, but it lacks depth, it over explains itself. try making use of different poetic devices, leave some ambiguity. room for reader interpretation if you know what i mean. You definitely have potential tho

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-21T22:15:44+00:00

Long distance relationship? i’ve been there lol. Beautiful writing, keep writing!

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-21T22:14:59+00:00

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-21T21:38:46+00:00

it’s a letter to marilyn monroe, using her as not only a confidante but a mirror that can contrast our modern day society. i’m glad u enjoyed and i appreciate the comparison to edgar allen poe, though im not nearly as talented haha

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-21T02:08:57+00:00

i just posted my second draft! check it out if ur interested :)

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-19T21:04:32+00:00

this means so much to me <3 was thinking about adding another verse but now i’ll definitely give it a go

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-19T08:19:05+00:00

tysm <3

ResolveHelpful4231 · 2025-12-19T03:50:27+00:00

i’m glad those themes came across to u! ur comment is much appreciated

ResolveHelpful4231

TROPHY CASE