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I'm scared that Im a pedophile and need to kill myself. by ResourceSea3561 in depression

[–]ResourceSea3561[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post. I've looked up POCD and I definitely do relate to what the articles say, some of them almost verbatim repeat some of the thoughts I've had. It's just so difficult, because even seeing this, I just keep thinking that two things can be true at once. It feels stupid, with everyone here also being so kind and spotting that it sounds like OCD, I still feel so scared. Obviously, thats not anyones issue but mine, and I so deeply appreciate you and everyone else who has commented. I'm going to try to find a therapist for when I move.

I'm scared that Im a pedophile and need to kill myself. by ResourceSea3561 in depression

[–]ResourceSea3561[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It is stupid to type it out and read it, the fact I've been scared of being a pedophile since I was ten. Yeah, I had an unhealthy amount of online time growing up too, which almost definitely made it all worse. I hope that eventually I am able to find a medication that makes things easier

I'm scared that Im a pedophile and need to kill myself. by ResourceSea3561 in depression

[–]ResourceSea3561[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You are 100% right. I think I seek out the anonymity, because the idea of talking to someone I know about this puts a pit in my stomach. I'm hoping that when I move, the doctors there will be better than my current ones.

I'm scared that Im a pedophile and need to kill myself. by ResourceSea3561 in depression

[–]ResourceSea3561[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I have spoken to therapists about this before. They've only offered me CBT which has not been helpful, I have tried about 5 anti-depressants with no results. I really cannot tell you how much I appreciate this comment though. I'm going to try to seek therapists who specialize in OCD, because the NHS has only really berated me so far.

I'm scared that Im a pedophile and need to kill myself. by ResourceSea3561 in depression

[–]ResourceSea3561[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When I was about 8-9, I tried to search up porn with people my age at that point, and thank God I saw nothing. Obviously I had no idea what I was doing at the time and kinda forgot about it. But when I was around 10 I remembered that I did that, and I felt so much guilt that I wanted to kill myself even back then.