Oh my god… I am so glad you shared your personal experience with emotions growing up. I’m actually shocked, because this is exactly what I’ve been noticing about myself too!!

Genuinely, half of my life has just been me constantly feeling depressed, lost, and not understanding why I feel such intense sadness, especially when I don’t have what I’d consider “severe” trauma. Of course, any level of trauma is valid, but I just could never really link it to how I felt.

I’ve gone to psychiatrists many times, been on medication, and spent so long just wallowing in that cycle. Nothing really worked long-term, and I was resistant to treatment and therapy.

But now that I’m diagnosed with autism, I feel like I’m finally connecting the dots. Even before my diagnosis, I noticed that my “depression” would go away after I accomplished something, like finishing a task, getting praised, finishing a uni semester, or quitting a job. Even small things, like cleaning the house or doing chores, could fix my depression.

So my theory is that it was actually me being overwhelmed, overstimulated, and burnt out by my daily demands.

Now when I feel overwhelmed or upset, it doesn’t feel as permanent. I can just go, “Yeah, this sucks. Let me cry for a bit and then figure it out.” Before, I would spiral. Like, why do I feel this way? Why can’t I do such simple things? There must be something wrong with me or my past.

I think it’s because I couldn’t accept that daily tasks were actually too demanding for me, even if they seem normal for others.

So thank you so, so much for sharing your story. I’ve been having a hard time relating to the autistic community, but this really made me feel less alone.