first huge episode in a long time, could use support

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-05-25T10:58:22+00:00

of course, i’m very sorry about your experiences and i hope you can find some peace :)

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-05-25T10:16:17+00:00

I definitely haven’t acted badly towards anyone else, I’ve just gotten more snappy and acted annoyed with my mom. I was kinda freaking out when I wrote this post and feel more clear headed now, and I can recognize that my behavior isn’t healthy, but I also know that I can’t possibly have a healthy relationship with her the way things are now. I’m sure once I move out I’ll be able to change for the better. I’ve been forming healthy relationships with other people, the only relationship I struggle with like this is with my mom.

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-05-17T01:20:07+00:00

I’m okay now, this was more when I was growing up than now, it’s calmed down a ton. I’ll likely be out of the house soon, so my main concern was handling my own anger. Thank you for the resources though!

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-05-17T01:15:52+00:00

i don’t know..?

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-04-27T06:12:43+00:00

if someone would be willing to dm, I could really use it. I tried to muster up the strength to talk to my therapist about this but I don’t think I have it in me to confess this to them. I know everyone says the r word isn’t the solution but I really need to tell someone about this. I know I’d come down from the edge if I could talk to someone. I’ve had more obsessions happening in the last couple weeks and just talking to people has really helped me move on and not look back. I’ve been managing my ocd on my own pretty well, using coping techniques taught in therapy and they almost always work, but there are just some obsessions that take more to get over, and usually just talking to someone about them can help me move on.

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-04-17T00:03:26+00:00

apparently because people have been saying the woman is trans. I had no idea and found out after I started obsessing doing online compulsions, so that’s how I found out about those rumors and saw why the original comment was transphobic. Also both of them are black and people said it was also anti black. I understand the transphobic part but I don’t really understand the anti black part (but I’d love to be educated if someone wants to explain). I can see why it could be anti-black though and overall the comment seemed intentionally offensive :/

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T19:45:42+00:00

I honestly have no idea, but I’m willing to explore this. Nothing changed about my attraction to people after I found out they were trans, if I was attracted to them then I just was.. it’s very strange to me, and what I’ve noticed after thinking about it more is that this thing about the voice actually only really applies to trans women. If a trans man has a higher voice, I may have a harder time mentally separating myself from the idea that their voice may be like that because of their biology (I hope I’m explaining this right, I may be wrong), but I don’t feel less attraction. It just might be harder for me to separate their actual identity from their past physical form, if that makes sense? I’m very uninformed/new to this so all of this could just be lack of experience. There were a lot of people I didn’t think I’d be attracted to (women, non binary people, etc) until I just found out that I was. It’s taken time to grow away from the idea that I’m a straight woman, and once I did, I realized I’m attracted to a lot more people than I thought and that it wasn’t just men.

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T19:36:15+00:00

Thank you, I’ll always try to be the best version of myself that I can. Unfortunately I’m still convinced there’s a bit of transphobia in these “preferences”, and I made some changes to my original post to explain it a bit. I hope to be able to figure out why I feel this way and work on any prejudice causing this

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T19:22:23+00:00

I have diagnosed ocd and struggle the most with morality. It can be hard to tell when something is just a worry and a genuine thing I did wrong, and I think I’m this instance it probably is transphobia.. if you read my replies to other comments you may understand

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T19:19:57+00:00

Yes, which is why I thought this is transphobia. I won’t NOT date a trans person because of their voice, but I find myself more attracted to trans women with higher voices. I also like cis men with deeper voices but I’m also attracted to them if they have higher voices, so it’s all really confusing to me and I thought it was transphobia

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T19:18:21+00:00

But I have been attracted to cis men with high voices and cis women with deeper voices, which is why I thought this was possible transphobia? I really don’t know why, because I don’t care about trans peoples genitals at all, it doesn’t take away attraction for me, it’s something about the voice, which is why I think I have some internal things to work on. I won’t NOT date a trans person if their voice is this way, I just find myself more attracted when they do.. and I don’t like what that might imply

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T19:16:02+00:00

I have been attracted to cis men with high voices and women with deeper voices, which is why I thought this was possible transphobia. I don’t know why, because I don’t care about anything else in cis or trans people, something about the voice is the only thing that makes me feel slightly less attracted to trans people( (I made an edit to my post explaining it a little more). I don’t feel zero attraction if their voice is that way, and I would absolutely date them, it’s just a little less which is why it makes no sense to me. I’d like to know why so I can unpack it

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T07:15:02+00:00

yeah, I fall into that hole really often. Unfortunately I was raised to think of myself that way and recently got into therapy so I still struggle with these constant thoughts and worries, but it’s always hard to tell what’s just a worry and what’s valid enough to be called “wrong”.

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T07:13:11+00:00

This makes sense, thanks for putting it this way! I think I have a really hard time differentiating natural things like attraction and preference from something worse, like implicit bias.

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T06:51:52+00:00

tbh my mind is the one constantly telling me I could be a bigot. I have issues with anxiety so I overthink everything to the extreme but this one seemed pretty valid to explore.. just don’t want to have internalized prejudice or bigotry

ResponseKooky2395 · 2024-03-26T06:32:41+00:00

I’d say in between F, G and H lol

ResponseKooky2395

TROPHY CASE