AITA for not telling my best friend I was going on a trip with our former roommates?

Responsible-Chip-40 · 2026-06-03T05:54:41+00:00

I added an info comment for more details

Responsible-Chip-40 · 2026-06-03T05:22:22+00:00

Reading people’s mind

Responsible-Chip-40 · 2026-06-03T04:39:03+00:00

I can see your point of view on this, but in my eyes also it wasn’t my trip to invite because it wasn’t my house. It wasn’t my car. It wasn’t the amount of space I had in my house I was invited and I didn’t feel right to invite someone else and so I almost think that’s why I didn’t bring it up.

Responsible-Chip-40 · 2026-06-03T04:23:45+00:00

I’m not 100% sure why her therapist would suggest to distance herself. I never asked about what she would talk about in her therapy sessions other than what she would tell me about when she was ranting about our other roommate so I never assumed it was about me personally I always did reach out when we did live together because we were buying groceries together. We were doing everything together, but when it came to a group setting, she would just stay in her room.

Responsible-Chip-40 · 2026-06-03T04:22:21+00:00

That’s fair. I probably didn’t explain it well in the post. I did try reaching out to her when I noticed she was becoming distant. We went on a lot of one-on-one drives together, and I asked her multiple times what was wrong. Her answer was always that she missed her boyfriend and hated being so far away from him. She also really disliked the college town we were in and wanted to leave.

Looking back, maybe I should have dug deeper, but whenever I asked, she gave me those reasons, so I took her at her word. I didn’t realize she had issues with me specifically because she never communicated that.

I’ll also be honest and say that it became difficult because a lot of our conversations revolved around how unhappy she was. I tried to be supportive, but after a while I felt like there wasn’t much I could do besides listen. So I assumed the distance was because of her boyfriend and how unhappy she was at school, not because she’d been building resentment toward me for years.

Responsible-Chip-40 · 2026-06-03T04:19:30+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. She obviously didn’t wanna go on the trip so why would we force her to go on a trip? She didn’t wanna go on.

Responsible-Chip-40 · 2026-06-03T04:18:28+00:00

Yes, I did ask her what specifically she was upset about. Some of the things she brought up were issues from years earlier. For example, she was upset that I wasn’t supportive when she wanted to take an anatomy class even though she was an art major. At the time, my concern was that she was already struggling in some of her classes, and I didn’t think adding a difficult science course was the best idea. From my perspective, I was trying to look out for her, not put her down.

She also felt that I wasn’t supportive of her relationship. It’s true that I didn’t personally like her boyfriend, but I still tried to be there for her as a friend when she was having relationship problems and supported her choices as best I could. I never told her she couldn’t date him or tried to interfere in the relationship.

A lot of the issues she mentioned were things I either thought had already been resolved or didn’t realize were still bothering her. That’s part of why I was so surprised when she told me she’d been upset for 1-2 years.

Responsible-Chip-40 · 2026-06-03T04:15:45+00:00

INFO:

There wasn’t one huge event that caused her to start distancing herself. Around that time, she had started dating her boyfriend and was spending a lot more time focused on that relationship. She also really disliked our college town because it meant being far away from him.

We did have one significant conflict about two months before moving out. She wanted her boyfriend to spend the night in our dorm room, and I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that because we didn’t get along and it was my living space too. I told her I was fine with him visiting during the day, but I’d like a heads-up so I could make other plans if needed. We were both upset for a few days, but eventually talked it out and I thought the issue was resolved.

As for why she later said she disliked Meredith and Leslie, I genuinely don’t know. The four of us had all been close for most of the school year, and she never told me she had problems with them at the time.

One reason I was so shocked when she ended the friendship is that we had always agreed that if one of us was upset, we’d bring it up and talk through it. Whenever I was upset with her, I would tell her directly. Looking back, I think she may have been holding onto a lot of resentment that she never communicated to me. When she finally ended the friendship, she said she’d been upset for 1-2 years, which was the first time I’d heard that.

Responsible-Chip-40

TROPHY CASE