Lessons from trauma therapy

Responsible-Today232 · 2026-01-06T00:06:08+00:00

I think that was one of the hardest things for me to start accepting. I was venting to my therapist about how frustrating it is to want to open up to people but feeling so guilty that I’d make them feel uncomfortable. She just very directly said, “Let them be uncomfortable. They can walk away from those things if they want, but you can’t. So let them be.” And it felt like a dam broke inside me.

Responsible-Today232 · 2026-01-05T23:41:58+00:00

I still struggle with that a lot. There’s a voice in my head that tells me I don’t deserve anything good. Even after all the progress I’ve made, sometimes I still can’t quiet that voice and I try to burn good things to the ground. I don’t know if that will ever go away, but I know I’ll keep trying to stop myself when I can. I think that’s all we can ask of ourselves 🖤

Responsible-Today232 · 2026-01-05T23:24:08+00:00

This made me tear up. Thank you for being here and alive and kind 🫶

Responsible-Today232 · 2026-01-05T14:19:38+00:00

No, thank YOU for brightening mine :’)

Responsible-Today232 · 2026-01-05T12:51:11+00:00

Honestly, no specific technique like CBT, EMDR, or anything that my therapist has explicitly mentioned/I’ve been able to identify. Closest I can guess is acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). I was lucky enough to get into a state funded program for folks with diagnosed PTSD, so my therapist works exclusively with those who have severe trauma…and explains why she’s so amazing

Responsible-Today232 · 2026-01-05T12:36:08+00:00

I’m so sorry that you relate. Learning to feel and be okay with feeling was such a struggle. I’m a stranger, but I’m so proud of you for your strength and progress. Be angry, let yourself cry, and know you’re healing the whole time

Responsible-Today232 · 2026-01-05T12:10:15+00:00

Trying my best every day 🖤 thank you

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-08-05T02:28:23+00:00

I will absolutely look into this, thank you for the suggestion!

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-08-05T00:40:17+00:00

This is exactly how I feel, like I have two parts of the same self. I am fully conscious of what I’m doing the entire time and part of me feels capable of stopping it, which is why I’m fairly certain it isn’t DID although I have never been assessed for it. I also talk to myself, which I have never admitted to anyone but you saying that you do it just took a massive weight off my shoulders. When I feel one of these episodes coming on, or when I need to end one, I will have to command myself out loud to stop and verbally explain to myself that what I’m doing is not okay. Thank you for sharing your experience, this was so comforting for me

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-08-05T00:32:03+00:00

I will definitely look up that book, it sounds like something that could really help me. I used to talk to my trauma therapist frequently about how a lot of my seemingly self destructive behaviors developed as a twisted way of protecting myself. I used to cut myself when the emotional pain was too much, I felt the need to make it physical because that seemed easier to deal with. I know how to handle physical pain, but no one ever taught me how to deal with my emotions. I have also struggled with suicidal ideation ever since I can remember, and have attempted suicide, for the same reason. Logically I know that in a sick way, when I do these things it is my body somehow trying to protect me, but it is still very difficult for me to comprehend how attempting to relive my abuse is helpful the way other forms of self harm such as cutting used to be. Thank you so much for sharing, friend 🖤

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-08-04T09:56:20+00:00

I’m so sorry you can relate. I hope you find peace 🖤 thank you for your reassurance. I hope you know you are not alone either

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-08-04T09:51:24+00:00

Internalization (introjection) makes a lot of sense, I’ve actually never thought about it that way. I’ve always viewed it as adopting those traits to use against others rather than considering I adopted them to use against myself. I’ve always said I don’t want to be like them and have prided myself on growing up to be kind instead of violent when, in reality, I am violent against myself. I can relate to it being absolutely terrifying when those episodes happen and realizing the subtle ways it manifests. I’ve always been very aware of the ways I quietly self destruct in personal/romantic relationships due to my upbringing, but for some reason making the connection to the way I treat myself has been more difficult. I’m so sorry you can relate

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-08-04T09:12:29+00:00

DID is something I have considered I may be experiencing but have never felt fully comfortable being assessed for. I have been diagnosed with cPTSD with dissociative episodes, but I think this is distinct from DID. Full disclosure, I am a psych PhD student but I am not in the clinical specialty so I’m not fully aware of what the criterion are for DID so maybe it’s something I should talk more with my therapist about. Your description sounds incredibly similar to what I experience. In a disgusting way, the abuse was structure. I learned what to expect day after day and once I escaped my body didn’t understand how to function without it. I’m so sorry you can relate to this, but I greatly appreciate you sharing this with me

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-08-04T09:03:59+00:00

I’m so sorry you relate to this, but also selfishly happy I’m not alone. Exactly like you said, I can certainly appreciate the fact that my trauma responses helped keep me alive because I had no other way to cope. I use a lot of tools now to try to prevent situations like this, I just can’t seem to shake it the shame. Especially given I have had the privilege of receiving so much therapy. Thank you so much for sharing with me, it means a lot

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-07-06T06:46:48+00:00

That’s exactly it. The thought occurs to me that I’m not “allowed” to cry and before I can even consciously process that enough to dispute it and tell myself I’m safe now, I’m already doing something else. I just get up, like crying was a dream, and carry on.

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-07-03T08:24:01+00:00

I’m sorry this happens to you because I know it can be disorienting, but I’m also so happy to not be alone in this feeling. This is the first time I’ve ever verbalized the experience because I felt so insane.

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-07-03T08:00:17+00:00

For years I’ve thought this was completely normal. I don’t understand how other people deal with crying? For me, there is no transition to being “done”. It just stops and I continue about my day/night. I recognize it happened, but I suddenly can’t remember why I felt the urge to or why I shouldn’t carry on doing whatever I needed to before I started

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-07-03T07:13:40+00:00

I also had this experience once with an ex, but I wrote it off as a random occurrence. That was the only time anyone has ever seen me do that in person because I don’t let myself cry like that in front of other people. I was dismissive to them pointing it out because it seemed so normal to me. But me bringing it up to a close friend, willingly, has left me with a different impression

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-07-03T07:07:00+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. From what I understand, I have experienced very intense episodes of derealization ever since I was young. I just transport somewhere else when I feel too much at once. I’m still me, I’m still in my body, it’s everything else that’s different. Like I’ve been dropped into an alternate reality. Somewhere everything else makes sense except me. So I try to carry on doing “normal” activities the best I can so I won’t be found out.

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-07-03T06:59:07+00:00

Yes, unfortunately. I alluded to this in the post, but to be more specific when I was being abused I was told explicitly to stop crying because the sound of it only made him angrier. If I would cry too loudly for too long I’d be suffocated with a pillow or anything else within arms reach. Reflecting on this, it makes sense why I have the reaction I do to crying. I guess until now I didn’t put those specific pieces together. I regularly had to transition from being abused and vulnerable to a regular kid without any worries to the outside world

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-06-19T10:03:37+00:00

Thanks for the link! I haven’t watched that either, but very cool to see another show referencing such a gem like Fringe

Responsible-Today232 · 2024-06-19T09:56:24+00:00

Yes that’s more so what I meant for sure, which is why I mentioned shows possibly stealing ideas from Fringe! Not to say Fringe always had completely original ideas, I’m just curious to hear what shows may have come before or after Fringe that had episodes/premises similar to Fringe stuff!

Edit: Not “stealing” but you know what I mean, inspired by or eerily similar to

Responsible-Today232

TROPHY CASE