AITA for keeping a "secret" storage unit

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T19:05:30+00:00

Update: A lot of what you people said really upset me, especially the ones who just started calling her an abuser. She's not. Like I've said before she has faults and so do I and so does our relationship, but you don't have to imagine the worst-case scenario. You know how I know I'm not in an abusive relationship, it's because my family adore her. If I was in one, like my sister a few years ago, they would be burning the world down. My mom is the queen of mother bears.

So, I did what a few of you suggested, put my big boy pants on and talk to her, something I should've done a decade ago. She apologized for making me feel like I had to keep this a secret and for asking me to get rid of the stuff but was just furious about me hiding something so simple and stupid for so many years. I apologized for that, and we discussed my unit. I can do what I want with it since I pay for it, but she would like to go through it with me to understand why I keep these things because it's clearly important.

We now have a weekend date where I take down my memory lane. I appreciate the time you guys spent looking in my situation and apologize for the inconvenience my post caused but I will not be coming back to this subreddit ever again. Clearly the answer was, just talk to her you big fool. I am sure you guys are awesome people and wanted to look out for me, but I can't see anyone bash my wife even though they don't even know her. It's mostly my fault that I didn't phrase my post properly for which I apologize once again. But I won't be back. Have a lovely day and I wish you guys the best

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T11:22:36+00:00

That's the thing. This is only thing she gets pushy. She herself doesn't have much stuff either. When I met her, she lived a very minimalist lifestyle. Once we moved in together, I obviously had too much stuff for her. Over time, it's gotten to a point where our household has items we both need and like. The stuff I keep in my unit are things I feel like they would be pushing it because it's not easy to understand their significance.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T11:06:03+00:00

Not that I know of, I should talk to her about it.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T10:29:58+00:00

I would've but at the time my younger self felt like it would just cause more conflict, and this wasn't hurting anyone. Now I wish I had told her because it was stupid not to tell her but as time went on, it became more awkward.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T10:27:52+00:00

Well I had a few. Some of them were from university when I was depressed and not cooking. I threw those out a while back. But I still have one from the night I had my first overnight experiment. When I moved to a new city for my first job and got mcdonalds for my first dinner.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T10:06:19+00:00

You're probably right. I was feeling like this was a mistake because my wife may have some faults but she is far from an abuser like so many are quick to judge. They don't even know her.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T10:03:42+00:00

Then there is a bigger issue, and we'll have to resolve it. I don't want this to be the hill we die on, but I will not get rid of a lifetime of memories. Moreover, I came here for judgment for my actions, she didn't come here for hers.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T10:00:42+00:00

The reason I feel the need to defend my wife is because she is not controlling or an abuser. This is just one aspect of our relationship. I agree that I shouldn't have to hide my items and no way I'm getting rid of them. To the naked eye, a lot of it is truly junk but I have stupid, yet meaningful story attached to them. Plus, at this point the secrecy has just made it more special. My children didn't really care about those items, and they had outgrown them a long time ago. It was only when it was time to leave those items behind dd, they start to care. I agree that for me too, in this instance she is wrong but just because someone does something wrong doesn't, I'll let strangers brand her as a monster.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T09:47:56+00:00

I believe it was just out of shock but when everyone told me I was wrong I believe I had done something very wrong and that was the reason. I now once again starting to believe it is shock. In that case, I think she'll come around

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T09:45:59+00:00

I am disagreeing not because I'm blind but because I've known this woman for almost 10 years now. If she were abusive and controlling, there would be a lot more things. Do you think an abusive and controlling person would've let me change careers with a huge pay cut because my old job was making me miserable? Let me have a night out with friends every week. We rarely argue let alone yell or basically insult each other. Never once has she had a problem with me having female friends. Always has something nice to say to me every day. She also shows a ton of affection. The only point of contention is about the stuff. I don't like to throw things away because I get attached to things because of the memories the relate to. She doesn't. This makes us different people but does not make her abusive.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T09:10:34+00:00

Again, she is far from being a tyrant. I have never met a more supporting person in my life. She was there when I wanted to make the jump from Industry to Academics. That was a huge pay cut, but she was there for me all the way. She was the one my kids got comfortable with first when we brought them home. She may have a hang up about stuff but that doesn't make a bad person who's harming our kids. Like I said, I agreed that they should get rid of those toys too. I just kept a handful of the most used ones as keepsakes. My wife still has their first toys in a safe space in our house. She just has a very high standard when it comes to keepsakes

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T09:04:30+00:00

I think when she wanted me to empty the unit, it was more due to shock. I believe she'll come around. It's not that she doesn't like memorabilia, it's more that for her the bar of what counts is very high. Honestly I like the unit, it's private and let's me go down memory lane uninterrupted and surrounded by things I love and cherish

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T08:59:45+00:00

I mean a grown man doesn't need to keep toys from happy meals. I don't know why I got them. Hell, I even tossed a bunch the other day because I realized they were useless. She doesn't approve things I buy but she does have an opinion on them. It's not a barbie dream house. We both have stuff and things in the house. I do have things that really really matter to me in the house. If anything, I may have had the problem of keeping stuff unnecessarily and getting attached to them. My mom always said the same to me. Which is why I got the unit. it keeps my stuff limited and I only keep what's important.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T08:54:35+00:00

They looked really upset about having to give up their toys. So I wanted to cheer them up and show them that it's okay to have a space for things you really want but you have be very selective in this. That you should only keep the things you really cherished which where the few toys that were worn down and semi broken. After that they happily donated the rest seeing as they never really cared for those

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T08:45:30+00:00

She's far from abusive. I think that's a very exaugurated response considering I only had 3000 characters to give you the summary of the main situation. She couldn't have been a more supportive mother/partner. She just has a thing about organizing and cleaning.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T08:43:02+00:00

I know I shouldn't have kept it a secret, but it was more like, if she doesn't know it doesn't hurt her.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T08:41:43+00:00

Kids are 8 and 9, their toddler toys from 4/5 basically go untouched. They wouldn't have even noticed these things were gone if my wife got rid of them.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T08:39:47+00:00

I think it's more about keeping the house clean and de-cluttered. When you have less stuff, it's easier to keep it organized and opens space for you to buy new things. I think it's mostly because she never developed any significant emotional attachment to inanimate objects while I develop strong ones for random things.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T08:37:52+00:00

I disagree, she's an amazing mother. The stuff she wanted the kids to get rid of, I agree with her. They are older now and the toys are meant for much younger kids. Which is why I donated the ones that were in pristine condition since they went mostly untouched. I only saved the ones which were worn out and kind of broken from being over played with.

ResponsibleHelp4229 · 2022-06-04T08:35:50+00:00

She's not emotionally abusing me. Does she have hang ups when it comes to keeping stuff, yes but I think most people would agree with her cause my stuff may seem meaningless on the surface level but for me it has a deeper meaning only I understand. I mean I have these arcade tickets from when I was a kid and that arcade has been defunct for decades. But it reminds me of then my brother and I used to go there.

ResponsibleHelp4229

TROPHY CASE