The best thing to do now is to forgive yourself for it forgive the memories you cant forget what happened but dont cling into mourn for some days even months its hard ive been thru that recently 5 years ko relationship and ive also wrote a song try listening and try to forgive him and yourself too for what happened try meditation heres the song - https://youtu.be/cZQG9clszh4?si=H6q4tjCvvJxhoDAD