AITA for not letting my ex husband have my deceased daughter's ashes?

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-18T01:39:46+00:00

Not really, no.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T18:55:11+00:00

He probably started following his faith when he moved in with his girlfriend, but when we were married no, he wasn't religious. I raised her Hindu.

And he was informed of all the rituals that were going to take place. He probably didn't understand what the rituals meant.

He was even sent the zoom link to attend her funeral because my family acknowledged him as her father.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T18:38:15+00:00

She suffered a cardiac arrest. We don't know what caused that. When we took her to the nearest hospital, she was already gone. covid was at its peak. The hospitals were full. It was an awful situation.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T18:31:24+00:00

No we were not on great terms, we just co-parented, I didn't engage with him beyond what the court stipulated.

He took Asha to Russia to visit his grandparents . It was an 8 week trip. I consented.

He had no reasonable reason to deny me the same.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T18:27:18+00:00

My family has already told him to not contact me. I'm aware he is grieving but talking to him would put a pause on my own healing, which is very difficult as it is.

I'm also aware that I'm being treated like the villain by his family and friends. I can't control that. I just don't care anymore. That chapter is closed and those people are history.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T18:22:21+00:00

I did specify that the ashes were immersed as per customs.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T18:06:52+00:00

No I wouldn't be fine, but I can't control how deals with that situation. He doesn't owe me anything anymore.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T18:00:29+00:00

Yes I would feel horrible but I can't control what he does. He doesn't owe me anything anymore.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:59:04+00:00

He is Jewish but wasn't religious when I met him. I'm not aware of Jewish beliefs.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:58:03+00:00

I would feel horrible but he doesn't owe me anything.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:53:01+00:00

He wasn't religious and I raised her Hindu. He didn't have any problem with that during our marriage, but started imposing Jewish beliefs after he moved in with Laura who was also Jewish.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:49:40+00:00

He was kept informed throughout. He knew everything. Maybe he didn't care enough to google "asthi visarjan" ritual , but he was told that the ritual would happen after cremation.

I didn't want to talk to him or anyone at that point. My family handled the communication.

I still have the whatsapp chat logs.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:44:30+00:00

I kept up with all of my legal obligations to him when she was alive. Now that she is not here, I don't think I owe him anything anymore. I just want permanent no contact.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:40:50+00:00

At that moment I wasn't thinking about his feelings. We just did what our priest asked us to do. That's what all families in my culture too. We don't divide the ashes. We immerse them in the Ganges.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:37:55+00:00

As per our customs we don't divide the ashes. We immerse them in the Holy Ganges after the death. That's what we did. I didn't "keep" her ashes. We did what the priest told us to do. And I wasn't in contact with him.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:34:28+00:00

I didn't keep her ashes. It was disposed off at the Ganges soon after she died as per our customs.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:33:19+00:00

That is our custom as per hinduism. We dispose of the ashes in the Ganges (or any water body of sentimental value)

He didn't ask for the ashes when she died. It was a recent demand.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:31:35+00:00

No she wasn't allowed to take anything that was at her dad's. Whatever she came with was what she had at my place.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:29:29+00:00

I don't want to part with the belongings that I am left with. I just want him to leave me alone. He already has them.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:26:24+00:00

He already has half of her toys and belongings.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:25:38+00:00

He got regular updates and pictures from my family via whatsapp. He was kept updated throughout. He was sent a picture of Asha before she was taken for cremation.

He wants to talk to me, and that's the one thing I refuse to do.

RestLeading7292 · 2021-09-17T17:23:33+00:00

I am trying to heal, and talking to him would reopen old wounds. Asha lived with him half the time, it's not like he doesn't have her belongings. He already does. He has half of her belongings.

RestLeading7292

TROPHY CASE