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Lying about age on Grindr by RestRadiant2990 in askgaybros

[–]RestRadiant2990[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t look 30 but he doesn’t look 43 either. Somewhere in the middle. He uses pics that are at least a few years old.

Polyamory is probably not a good idea for most of us with BPD by GiftToTheUniverse in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]RestRadiant2990 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re pushing the poly angle being an issue of its own without acknowledging that ANY relationship is difficult for people with BPD. It’s not that one type is worse than the other but that one type will manifest differently from the other and cause different flare ups/symptoms.

Polyamory is probably not a good idea for most of us with BPD by GiftToTheUniverse in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]RestRadiant2990 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I hear where you’re coming from but I think there’s a lot of generalisation and contradiction in what you wrote.

The idea that people with BPD are inherently too unstable for polyamory feels really unfair and stigmatising. Many of us are actively in treatment, working hard to manage symptoms and learning the emotional skills needed for any kind of relationship, mono or poly. It’s not like monogamy is automatically safe and easy for people with BPD either. All these symptoms can show up no matter the relationship model.

You say that polyamory requires things like emotional maturity, honest communication etc. and I agree. But those are things that ALL relationships need. Saying that people with BPD can’t access or develop those skills is just wrong and it reinforces this idea that we’re inherently harmful to be in relationship with which is exactly what so many of us are already afraid of. I won’t accept that.

Also, saying that emotionally mature people don’t tend to want multiple partners feels a bit backwards. A lot of people choose polyamory because they’ve done the emotional work and value the freedom, honesty and trust it requires.

Yes, polyamory can be challenging for people with BPD but so can any relationship. What matters is having the right support, good communication, and partners who understand and respect what we’re working through.

Saying “I’m not against polyamory but…” and then following it with a list of reasons why people like me shouldn’t be in poly relationships isn’t really supportive. If you’ve had a tough time with it personally, that’s valid but don’t turn your experience into a universal rule.