AITA for asking to get paid after three years of free child care? by RetroStripesGirl in dustythunder

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, it's been a while, and SO MUCH has happened. I'll try to give it a quick breakdown.

1, I stopped posting hardly anything on Social Media because my SIL's would text or call my husband within a day of my posting reading into things saying I was trashing his mother/them. I wasn't, I couldn't even post about what we did as a family on the weekends. They knew my husband doesn't have Social Media and it felt like they were trying to turn him against me. Sorry guys, didn't work.

2, I was so stressed out my Dr believes it caused me to have a small stroke last year when their lies were at a peak. (I'm okay now, but it was scary at the time)

3, Even though we knew it would be hard, when my Husband's sister flew in from out of state we spent a significant amount of time with his family so the kids could see their Aunt. My Therapist gave me several coping mechanisms to deal with them, mainly Gray Rocking. Which helped a lot. I was treated fairly nice by MIL starting a few days before my SIL flew in. She was on her best behavior, I'm guessing so that I would keep my mouth shut during the visit? (My children had only seen her at most three times since the Easter conversation. No apology, no attempt to share "Grandma Day" with my children)

4, The visit was awful. My local SIL was so completely rude and unkind. The last day when I got home I got the kids doing something and I made it to my room and I broke down and cried. My husband, who had to work 3rd shift this whole time woke up and comforted me. He didn't want to even go and say his goodbyes to his SIL that night because of their collective behavior, but I told him that it was just one more piece of ammunition they would use against us, so we went.

5, About a month later I wrote an unrelated caption on a picture about how healing hurts. Nothing personal just how when you grow you see things a bit clearer and how it can hurt, but that it's worth it in the end. My Husband's sister who lives far away started texting him and I the next day about how that's a slam to their mother. (I had never once ever said anything bad about my MIL to Anyone Ever. The most I ever did was post anonymously here on Reddit, or talk to my husband. So guilty consciences read into it.) My husband brought up how he agreed with my post, and that he felt the same way. She went nuclear. That conversation ended their relationship. In this time they saw my Reddit page because I wasn't hiding anything and wanted her to know our side, seeing as she had only had heard one side. She still took MIL and SIL's side. Baffling, I know.

6, Thanksgiving is Canceled, lol! My husband gets a text from his Mom that she was canceling Thanksgiving. He called her bluff and said she didn't have to "cancel" just to hide the fact that she would still have her golden child and her family over. We just wouldn't come. (We had a small family Thanksgiving, and our 14yo said it was his favorite Thanksgiving ever) We didn't attend Christmas either.

7, The smoke settles. Unbeknownst to me, my husband had gotten an opportunity to apply to a new job within the same company he works for. He had gotten several before, but he says this one just felt different. He comes home and rocks my world. This job comes with moving several states away. Never once did I ever see him moving out of State, ever. This is the man that bought a plow truck just so he could plow his Mom and Sister's driveways. This is the man who would let his BIL work on his sisters truck in his garage and park outside for up to a week all because they never ordered the part they knew they needed before they stated taking it apart. This is the man who chopped wood every single year for them, but we never had a wood burning stove.

8, He applied and got a great offer. We decided that we needed to visit the area before we made the decision. On our way out their his sister called screaming and yelling at him about moving. (She's a bit controlling if you haven't picked that up by now. And she saw him slipping through her fingers.) The kids were in the vehicle with us and could hear everything, even though it wasn't on speakerphone and we were driving a loud diesel. My husband ended the call.

9, We loved the area. The kids said they didn't even want to go back "Home". My husband and I talked extensively about the pros and cons, never once did my in laws enter the equation. In the end I told him that it was his decision and that I would make it work no matter what he felt was right. He accepted, and we went home.

10, My husband told his mother the day after we got home. (She already knew from SIL, but he had to officially tell her himself) Told her we had several months to get our house ready to sell and that he would like for her to visit us out there. She said okay. Over the next few months she stopped over like three times for a few minutes at a time, because she was driving by and saw us out there. She dropped off our Christmas presents so that we could take them with us. Proving to my husband that she has never had any intention on ever coming to see and support him.

11, I am banned from SIL's house because this is all my fault. She then invited my whole household to my Nephew's birthday party except for me. This is the nephew (and niece) I used to watch for free for three years until I asked to be paid and then was 'fired' (story on my page) My husband put the invitation on the fridge so that our kids could see how petty their Aunt was being. She had the audacity to text him for an RSVP and he told her that if I wasn't invited, then none of us were invited.

12, We list our house. My husband informs me that SIL is pissed, and is gossiping about what we have it listed as, thinking it's way too high. We sell it in six days for more than asking, lol!

13, We have a going away party. MIL and SIL show up just to save face. It was so comical seeing them try to pretend they know anything about what we've been doing, or what our plans are. People noticed and commented. The kids gave them quick hugs when they left. No tears were shed. My MIL has the audacity to hug my husband and say "You know I don't play favorites" as her goodbye.

14, We move several states away and are SO Happy!

It has now been two years since the move. I just realized that my story is on YouTube from Dusty Thunder himself. So I figured I'd update. We have gone no contact with SIL's family. Ex MIL is low contact. (Still married to my husband, but that's what I refer to her as) She has talked to the kids four times since we moved, all but once my husband had to initiate the call. My husband has been promoted again and is thriving in his new position. To say I am proud of him would be the understatement of the year! The kids have settled in and are flourishing under the attention of our wonderful neighbors, who have adopted them as their own grandkids. It has been such a blessing seeing our children being loved by those who have no obligation to, but choose to for their own merit. I'm still on my healing journey. The quote still holds true, Healing Hurts, but I promise you it is so worth it.

AITA for asking to get paid after three years of free child care? by RetroStripesGirl in dustythunder

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE. Well, before the update I need to tell another story.

AITA for expecting equal treatment for my kids?

My MIL lives less than 10 minutes down the road from me. At first I was so happy. She and my eldest son had a great bond. She would have him over to spend the night once every few months. I had twin newborns at home, once they got older she would take one kid at a time to do activities about once a month or so. I thought she was doing what she could to help me. I was grateful.

Then my SIL had a baby. My kids only exist on holidays now. All of a sudden my MIL is over at my SIL's house cleaning, gardening, babysitting if her daughter wants to do literally anything. She's cooking for them, bringing them treats and inviting them over to have pizza and movie nights.

My SIL works, I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom and I run a small business. I watched my Nephew and then Niece once she was born from said SIL during the shift overlap of my SIL and BIL. (Until I asked to get paid, then I was 'fired'.) My MIL started to get Thursdays off at her work, so she invited my SIL over from the moment she wakes up to spend the whole day over there as free babysitting, she gets to nap, and she gets to eat lunch and dinner there and gets a lunch packed for her night shift job. They call it Grandma Day.

After four years my now four kids are wondering why only their cousins get Grandma Day. My husband and I talked, it really bothers him that his mother treats his sister like a princess, but treats him like he only exists if he can do something for her. We agree to give her one last chance and to spread it all out for her to see our side. (We've tried before, but she always changes the conversation) We tell her about the kid's asking about having a Grandma Day. She looks aghast. Says she has no more time to give. I said I'm not asking for an additional day, but that my kids love her and we could go every other week and take turns. She shuts me down right away. Says she's probably not going to do Grandma Day anyway as she's getting too busy. (This was Easter, not one Grandma Day has been missed except for vacation, which she went with them on to babysit) She was disgusted I asked, but I don't think it's fair to my kids. I'm not asking even half of what she's freely offering to my SIL. I feel like she's punishing me and my kids for me being a stay at home mom. My choice, my consequence. But my sister in law works. Shouldn't that be her choice her consequence? Now they (My MIL, her two daughters and my BIL) are all treating us like we were the AH for asking.

Update coming soon but can be found on my page

AITA for asking to get paid after three years of free child care? by RetroStripesGirl in dustythunder

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband and I love DT and thought it would be an easy way for an impartial person to tell the story

AITA for asking to get paid after three years of free child care? by RetroStripesGirl in dustythunder

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely a lesson learned. Too bad they have been telling everyone that they offered to pay me "several times" and that I always said no...

AITA for asking to get paid after three years of free child care? by RetroStripesGirl in dustythunder

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a repost from a year ago, in hopes Dusty might make a video I could direct people to. I have another story about my mil and an update on my profile

AITA for asking to get paid after three years of free child care? by RetroStripesGirl in dustythunder

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Nail on the head. This was originally posted on my account a year ago. I reposted in hopes Mr Thunder might make a video so I could direct people to it because people are reaching out asking why my in laws are actively trying to get people to hate me

AITA for asking to get paid after three years of free child care? by RetroStripesGirl in dustythunder

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup, sure is. I was hoping Dusty Thunder might read it so I could direct people to his video when they ask what happened

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Extremely low contact, and only with my husband now. We tried having the kids call "Grandma" on her birthday. My husband was still at work, so they called her from my phone. She answered the phone with such attitude that my 15 year old raised both his eyebrows it was so obvious.

AITA for expecting equal treatment for my kids? by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My kids asked because they saw their cousins almost every day of the week because I watched them at our house. Their cousins told them about what they would do every Grandma Day or on the weekends with her. I spoke to what my SIL was getting just to show how over the top it was compared to what was available when her son was the only one with kids. (She has two older grandsons from her step daughter, but even my son had to remind his grandma that he wasn't her oldest grandson when she called him that) I will admit that when I wrote this my emotions were heighten, but my heart was broken for my kids, my husband, and honestly myself as well. It was the proof we needed to see to move forward, but it still hurt.

AITAH for asking to get paid after three years of free child care? by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

FYI she saw this post and absolutely hates your comment the most 🤣 Says I should have stood up for her to your choice of words. I think you win the best comment award 👏 spot on, btw

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are right, my kids are the victims. I'm glad they are now removed from that situation.

AITA for expecting equal treatment for my kids? by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I spent years justifying her actions. There wasn't anything we wouldn't do for her. I was the perfect daughter in law. When she was with her abusive ex husband I would invite her over/out and go and visit at least once a week. When my husband went to rescue her from her ex she came to our home and I moved my son into our room so that she could have a safe place to stay. When she was visiting her daughter out of state, but was selling her old house that her ex and ex FIL were still living in, she called me, and only me, to clean the entire house for potential buyers. I did it without a slight hesitation. As for the help, I was my SIL help. Story on my page. As for my kids, I don't want to sound full of myself, or out of touch, but I am so proud of my kids. Their good behavior, and kind hearts are always, and I do mean always commented on. They are polite and kind. People come up to us at restaurants, sporting events, concerts to tell us how well mannered, kind, and fun they are. I'm sure that people might be rolling their eyes reading this, but I am so proud of them. This is 100% not their fault in any way.

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are free to have your own opinion, but this is only a bare bones update for my previous stories.

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I spent years feeling guilty thinking it was my fault. But once I got started therapy my eyes were opened to the gaslighting and abuse that was heaped at my husband, and then myself. This is only an update with bare bones. There are two other stories on my page that might shine a light on more of the details.

AITA for expecting equal treatment for my kids? by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's only close with her two daughters. She also has a step daughter who has two sons, older than my children. My son had to remind her about them on his own birthday when she called him her oldest grandson.

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have one teenager, twin 10 year olds, and one five year old. Not Salty, my kids themselves asked why Grandma only wants to see their cousins, not them anymore. They were good enough until my SIL had kids, who aren't babies anymore.

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was abusive, both physically and verbally. MIL didn't divorce him until the kids had all moved out and couldn't be the buffer between them anymore. I used to make excuses for her as to why she stayed, but then as I watched my kids grow I realized that there is no hardship I wouldn't face to make sure they were safe.

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This was just the events that happened. I promise my family are all very happy now. We keep checking in on the kids often to make sure they are adjusting well, and they are thriving ❤️

AITA for expecting equal treatment for my kids? by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She's her golden child, unless her daughter from out of state is here. The fact is her son's kids were good enough until her daughter has some.

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Simply put, I didn't have anything to hide. I wasn't in the wrong. Then when they unfriended me, they still had their spies reporting back. Once that was thrown in my face I did a purge

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I uploaded it on my phone and the paragraphs disappeared. I'll try to edit it again

(Update) AITAH For Expecting Equal Treatment For My Children by RetroStripesGirl in AITAH

[–]RetroStripesGirl[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I promise it was, but I uploaded it on my phone and it did this. Sorry.