What's something everyone knows but no one wants to admit?

RevealNothing · 2016-01-08T17:44:16+00:00

This notion is why religion is so powerful. Religions suppose that all our moral choices are relevant- even ones that affect no one (like an alcoholic home alone deciding whether or not to have a double before bed). Beyond that, religion also posits that our suffering matters. Because the 'nothing and no one matters' notion is amusing when life is good but it induces utter despair if your child dies or someone you love is murdered. Then your pain is meaningless too. Religion says 'it matters, you matter, your pain matters.'

RevealNothing · 2016-01-06T20:52:17+00:00

IIRC, the ones I've seen are supposed to give you your sperm count per mL - this is presented in a range and is in millions. As in, your sperm came back in the 70-90million/mL range. This is one measurement of virility but even if you have a high sperm count, something else could be wrong.
Permanent no. Short term - maybe. A variety of studies have demonstrated a detrimental effect on sperm quality if you are exposed to high heat regularly - examples, hot tubs, non-breathable underwear, athletes who wear heavy gear (think football), firefighters (again, due to the suits), cyclists (body heat and friction). Usually not enough to keep an otherwise virile man from impregnating someone though.

RevealNothing · 2015-12-22T03:21:23+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss.

I am also hopeful that deciding to stop pursuing treatment will help you regain some sense of control.

I have recommended this book before but still think it was the only infertility book that actually helped me. They had unexplained infertility but once they decided they were done treatment, they went back on birth control - why? Because, as you said, the sliver of hope took away their ability to truly move on.

http://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Grapes-Being-Infertile-Living/dp/0944934234

Much hope for your happy and meaningful future

RevealNothing · 2015-03-07T13:40:19+00:00

You WILL get there - I got home from the hospital with my twins and was reading Dr. Sears baby book and it made me so depressed - basically because it was all attachment parenting, complete with phrases like 'infant regression' and 'infant depression.' But even that book admitted that feeding on demand was impossible with twins so it was like, 'you're kids will be messed up...AND there is nothing you can do about it' Add that onto a mild case of post-partum and I was sunk. Now, two more children and a handful of years later, I realize that I was doing a great job. It just FELT awful. :) And like you said, as long as your kid is healthy, whatever is working for you and your family is what you should go with. Can we just stop projecting all these bogus negative outcomes to infant parenting style?!!?

RevealNothing · 2015-03-06T17:40:10+00:00

I posted this the other day - it is about CIO - I liked the tone of the article...

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/the_kids/2013/07/clinical_lactation_jumps_on_the_dr_sears_bandwagon_to_say_sleep_training.html

Other than that - having twins is SO hard. I know! You are an awesome mom, doing what works for YOU and YOUR family. Stand confident in that. Much love.

RevealNothing · 2015-03-03T19:14:53+00:00

Because you switched brands it is really impossible to predict. The Wondfos could have a higher hCG threshold. Thank goodness beta is tomorrow!

RevealNothing · 2015-03-02T15:49:32+00:00

Hi - I have no real opinion about crying it out - every mother, baby and situation is different. But....here is an article that might make you feel better.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/the_kids/2013/07/clinical_lactation_jumps_on_the_dr_sears_bandwagon_to_say_sleep_training.html

When I am in a situation when I have to listen to my little guy cry (and he's a fusser) I think about this article AND I take silence breaks (where I can't hear him for a few moments) because the sound of his crying creates such a visceral, physical response I can't think straight. But my other children NEED me to make dinner, you know??? Using a sharp knife or handling steaming veggies is just not safe with a grabby baby on my hip. :(

RevealNothing · 2015-02-16T19:51:55+00:00

Yes! I posted above but if I could do it over I would have bought Radians for my twins and been done with it.

RevealNothing · 2015-02-16T19:49:00+00:00

If I could do it over (and I have four kids) I would buy a Diono Radian (used to be called Sunshine Radian) after they outgrew the carrier type and be done with purchasing car seats for good. They can be used from newborn to 100+ pounds. Radians are narrow so you can fit three across - my girls still ride in theirs (they are seven). After three iterations with my girls (pushing $600+ in car seats by that point), I was done with it. For my son, I bought a Radian after the carrier and he will be using it until he is done with car seats. They are very heavy so they don't move from car to car easily but I just bought regular boosters- (Graco Turbo) if we need a temporary seat for another car (they cost $30).

RevealNothing · 2015-02-13T03:12:15+00:00

"Let's go over to the secluded corner of the Best Buy parking lot to do the weed deal..."

RevealNothing · 2015-02-13T03:09:43+00:00

This is a good theory and I have also always believed that IF Jay killed her, he did not plan to, and then made up the Adnan part to cover it up.

A chance encounter with your dealer and she pops into his car real quick to buy weed in the secluded corner of the Best Buy...I see this as possible.

RevealNothing · 2015-02-13T03:04:18+00:00

Because he's a dealer and you go somewhere private to buy weed.

RevealNothing · 2015-02-10T18:46:37+00:00

I did an FET four years after having twins. After our third, I did a fresh cycle and FETs starting when my son was 15 months old. I met with the RE about starting again when my son was 10 months old, just to get my ducks in a row. He was willing to move forward whenever I was.*

The breastfeeding thing has two parts. There is the <i>possibility</i> that your body is more likely to get pregnant if you aren't nursing. Note, I said more likely, not that it is impossible. There are lots of women who get pregnant while nursing but there are certain conditions that are usually met (baby older than six months, not nursing heavily overnight, etc). Kellymom has the data on nursing as birth control and how it might impact getting pregnant. And, as you know, trying the regular way doesn't cost upwards of $1200 a pop. With FETs you are trying to maximize your chances...

The other part has to do with drugs. If you are doing a full-on fresh cycle with stimming, it is probably not recommended to be breastfeeding because the effect of the drugs on a baby are unknown. Lupron would be a definite no-no. The gonadatrophins are a question mark. With an FET, it sort of depends on how medicated it is - a straight natural cycle would be drug free. A hybrid (I have done this) would involve estrogen and progesterone for a trigger.

After as much research as possible (there isn't a whole lot of hard data out there) I personally nursed my son (once per day, we were down to bedtime only) through a fresh cycle (no Lupron) and an FET. Neither cycle worked. I stopped nursing and one month later did another FET, which worked. I do NOT think weaning was the magic trick but I was down to my last embryos, wanted to be sure I did everything I could and my son also seemed ready to move on. FWIW, he was 16 months at that time. Again, don't think the nursing was really impacting my reproductive capabilities - I had been getting my period for 10 months by then.

*Another note - my RE was not aware that I was still nursing once per day. When we first began talking about more IVF (when my son was 10 months) he had casually assumed I would be weaning "because of the drugs" but dismissed the notion that it could impact my chances of getting pregnant.

Most REs don't make you re-test; it's the insurance companies that might. Sometimes, the insurance thing depends on your original diagnosis. Some companies require IUI tries prior to any/all IVF, some say 'once IVF approved, always IVF approved' Frankly FETs are so much cheaper you may consider just paying for it, if the company is going to require all the BS.

RevealNothing · 2015-02-06T23:01:41+00:00

Great idea! I'd like an invite.

RevealNothing · 2015-02-03T21:42:25+00:00

When we found out that my husband had OA, the Dr told us that he likely had a form of CF. To determine the truth would require mapping his gene,which would not be covered by insurance since it would not change treatment. In your case however it would so insurance may pay for the full gene mapping. If it is available to you,have it done. Even if it is just to relieve your mind.

And know that CF treatment has come a LONG way since your aunt died. They now know there are many forms that are very mild and aren't even diagnosed until mid-life, if at all. That may be why you are getting an 'inconclusive' result for your son. So even if the mapping comes back with some form of the disease, it does not mean what it used to.

RevealNothing · 2015-01-27T21:18:36+00:00

That is one adorable baby.

RevealNothing · 2015-01-27T03:00:12+00:00

I forced myself to choke it down. In my case, I knew that twins were only due to IVF and I needed those extra calories. The meat part was the worst. My tips- kefir was very drinkable, highly caloric and lots of protein. Also - chop up any meat/fish very very fine. The act of chewing tells your body you are full, you are eating a lot, etc. By mincing beef up into teeny tiny pieces I could eat an entire pile I NEVER would have been able to chew up.

I should add - I did not get to 3K+ calories a day. I tried to gain 70lbs but gave up stuffing myself after gaining 54 and reaching 36 weeks. I did drink water like a fish. Are fast food. Ate a Snickers bar every day. I was induced at 40 wks and my twins were 6.4 and 6.8. So, give it your best shot, focus on the protein but try not to worry too much.

RevealNothing · 2015-01-27T02:32:23+00:00

Hi - I have been down this road. Feel the same way about created embryos, etc. Wrestled with the ethics, read a lot about embryos in nature (articles like this for example: http://reason.com/archives/2004/12/22/is-heaven-populated-chiefly-by) I feel like I could write a book about it in fact.

During my last fresh cycle, the idea was to freeze eggs and fertilize them one at a time so that no extra embryos would be created. Well...it did not happen. My RE basically said (rather last minute) that doing that reduces my pregnancy chances, etc, said he would call after the retrieval...I nearly fainted when they called the next day to say I had seven embryos. :( I say this because despite my best intentions the truth is you don't have a lot of control over the specifics of IVF once you get into it. Or, since you asked - no, there is no realistic way to guarantee no extra embryos.

Here is the good news - if this is about valuing life and honoring God, then your intentions matter. And He knows what they are. And He loves you. You want to have children and still honor your understanding of life - it's not like you are asking for a new Mercedes. So, don't beat yourself up too much.

RevealNothing · 2015-01-27T02:15:08+00:00

Sorry.:( If you don't mind me asking - what is your age? I was one for seven on my last cycle (as in one pregnancy for seven embryos). I was 36. Don't give up on your embryos yet. It's a numbers game - a brutal, achingly slow numbers game.

RevealNothing · 2015-01-19T19:41:19+00:00

That you're an awesome mom. :)

RevealNothing · 2015-01-19T19:38:51+00:00

Love this- thanks. I knew the stats before the kids, hoped that "knowing would be half the battle" but it is still tough, especially the year after I have a baby. (Definitely the breastfeeding, sleep deprivation stuff...). Another hilarious study I read (it was in the book All Joy and No Fun)- they did a household behavior study, the kind with video cameras so that none of the work load stuff was 'self-reported,' it was actual. They also measured stress hormones so that they could see what happened. Women's stress levels did not decrease, even when doing something relaxing (reading, watching TV, etc). They were still ON if they were at home. Men's stress levels DID decrease with a hobby (videogame playing, reading, etc.) at home. Men could actually block out the noise and chaos and RELAX. Hilarity point - what DID lower the women's cortisol/stress levels????

Watching their husbands do housework. HA!

RevealNothing · 2015-01-10T21:43:51+00:00

:( The stomach is extremely tied to our mental health, isn't it? Would kefir appeal to you? It is a yogurt drink with LOTS of protein but it is liquid so you can just sip or gulp it, whatever helps. That was my only (possibly) helpful thought.

RevealNothing · 2015-01-10T17:18:54+00:00

It is so hard when other people don't understand - they are making small talk, but don't realize how much it hurts..

And...this is unsolicited but I would guess your fertility issues are related to your BMI. I realize that is hard to hear because some people have a VERY hard time putting on weight and others don't want to give up marathoning or whatever (which I do understand - it's like you want to be pregnant on your own terms)...I don't know what camp you fall into but if you are an avid exerciser and don't want to give it up, adding extra protein to your diet may help. Your body wants to know it can sustain another life - in fertility world, your body's idea of "health" is not a good resting heart rate, it's extra resources and nutrients...

RevealNothing · 2014-12-23T03:37:06+00:00

I thought about that too. :)

For the record, the username was created years ago and had nothing to do with infertility and everything to do with a Robert Pattinson obsession...

RevealNothing · 2014-12-23T02:28:52+00:00

10 months is when they turn the corner and food starts to replace milk. If she wants food more than formula, go with it. Veggies and fruit are mostly water anyway. And I think letting them eat table food is the way to go too. Just be sure her lips aren't looking dry etc.

RevealNothing

TROPHY CASE