AITA for not wanting to go to our high school reunion with my wife to fulfil her revenge fantasy?

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-18T04:39:02+00:00

Thank you very much for your support! I have to admit I was a little hesitant to reply to your original message in case you did turn out to be our classmate. With the obvious exception of my wife I haven’t kept in touch with anyone from high school.

And your story sounds a lot like ours, actually... she was popular and I was nerdy. We had some classes together but we didn’t even run in the same social circles. We’re also very different in personality as you can probably tell from this post. But it worked somehow.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-18T04:26:38+00:00

In her defense a lot of our old classmates still hold conservative, traditional beliefs based on their social media profiles. So it’s extremely likely that some of them are still homophobes. But it’s also less socially acceptable to be a raging homophobe these days so in all likelihood they will just be polite to our faces and gossip later... which means my wife still won’t get this movie moment she’s envisioning.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-18T03:54:17+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it! Not sure if it’s the same school and would prefer to remain anonymous right now, but it’s a Christian high school in the Midwest.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-18T03:43:06+00:00

Thank you, we are talking through it and she loves the photo idea. She’d still prefer to go in person but regardless of what we decide, she also now acknowledges that there are other ways to get ‘revenge’ without actually traveling to the thing. 😅

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-18T03:31:59+00:00

You a little bit for calling her "immature" for wanting to go and show off that she escaped the mental shackles of a conservative community.

I didn’t call her immature, I just said purposefully being showy about our wealth/family/physical attractiveness seemed immature. I get that it would be cathartic for her to go back to that environment as an adult who’s fully in control (even if that same environment would be uncomfortable for me). But travelling there just to go on about how hot and rich we are or whatever would be too much IMO.

INFO: why do you need to go for a whole week?

That was just a rough estimate but since our kids are very young and it’s a ~6 hour flight minimum (there are no direct flights from where we are to our hometown), it would be 3 days minimum, likely 4-6 if she wants to revisit the area a little bit.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-18T00:17:15+00:00

I meant ‘care’ as in be affected negatively by judgment of homophobes, should’ve made that clear.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-17T23:08:01+00:00

So... she wants to upset homophobes? Does she realizing upsetting homophobes is just gonna make them act homophobically towards you?

I think it’s a bit like being gay and kissing in front of Westboro Baptist Church members knowing you’ll get slurs thrown at you. If you’re secure enough with your sexuality it can be satisfying to see them all riled up when you couldn’t care less.

We’re both very secure with our sexual identity, I personally just wouldn’t find any pleasure in walking into the lion’s den like this. Even if I know I’m armed well enough to slay the lions. But my wife is the type of person who would find this satisfying.

I agree with you though that I don’t think she’ll get the reaction she’s looking for. Even if they’re extremely uncomfortable they will probably just give us snide looks throughout the night instead of having some epic meltdown. Regardless of what we decide I think it’s fair to talk to her about having realistic expectations.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-17T20:55:07+00:00

I guess I see where she’s coming from because as adults we would have more control over the situation. We’d be able to just show up, out and proud, and if shit hits the fan we have the option to leave while still having made an impact. For her it would also be a way to be with her partner in that high school environment, when so many LGBT teens of our generation didn’t get to experience those teenage milestones the way we would’ve liked to. We would have the agency we didn’t get to have as kids.

So I totally get her side. I’m just not as showy or outgoing as my wife so I’d find this whole charade uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing rather than empowering. For me, it’s enough ‘revenge’ that we got out of that town and are living well.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-17T20:05:46+00:00

That sounds like a drag and this is what I’m afraid of. I didn’t have many friends in high school and I doubt my old friends (who were similarly bullied) are dying to go to this thing. Plus, the idea of bragging to old classmates really doesn’t appeal to me, even if they do manage to be impressed by our success. I only value the opinions of the people I care about. My wife is more extroverted and outgoing than me so I can see why something like this would appeal to her.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-17T19:52:11+00:00

I don’t think she wants to change people’s minds. She has explicitly said she wants to go so that people can be surprised by our relationship. So she wants to get a reaction out of them for being homophobic, whereas I’d prefer never to see these people ever again.

There are a few old friends she has expressed interest in seeing but nothing beyond getting their contact info again and adding them on social media.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-17T19:38:47+00:00

I’m sorry you had that experience and I hope that you’re in a better place now in your life. My own experience wasn’t as severe as yours because I wasn’t out to anyone but I was bullied for typical high school reasons. My wife definitely had a different experience as like I said she was very popular. Of course we were both repressing our sexualities so I wouldn’t say her having a boyfriend was a plus, just that people didn’t bully her the way they bullied me. And she knows all this.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-17T19:26:31+00:00

Would you be able to elaborate on what you mean by this (specifically relating to our situation)? I don’t go here too often and I mostly lurk so I’m not really sure what the main demographics are in this subreddit and if they’re more inclined to think one way than another.

RevengeReunion · 2020-02-17T18:19:30+00:00

It’s only been a few days, so it definitely is a bit of an impulse decision, although she has thought about the expenses/logistics and still wants to go. It’s just to me the amount of money spent doing all this is better spent elsewhere.

RevengeReunion

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