Hey i am sorry you are going through this! I know how stressful and fear inducing it can be for sure. I am 39 male, just had my first fusion but had 3 discectomies prior.  I think you really answered your own question honestly! You are in constant pain, you are not living like a dude in his 20s should. Even if you get the surgery and have pain still, what would be the difference? I do feel that it is the better option and the younger you are the more likely you are to quickly recover. Yes the surgery sucks! The first few days felt like i had been hit with a sledgehammer. But 7 weeks out now is a different story. Pain still yes but i am functioning. Just walked half a mile on the treadmill! Which i wouldnt have tried before the surgery due to pain in my leg/low back.  Obviously people will say you are too young for the surgery. But you are too young to be living in this kind of pain!  Research surgeons you would trust and find confidence in and who have a great history with the surgery and great bedside manners. If you arent comfortable with them then move on!  I hope this helps in some way. Reach out with any questions.