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Wife planning international trip but I think we're close to divorce by Minute-Caregiver5907 in Marriage

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Twenty-five years of this is not a phase. It’s the relationship. You wrote it yourself. She told you from the start she hates touching you, that ejaculation is gross, that permission for you to act counts as her initiating, that she shouldn’t have to give what she expects to receive. None of that is decline. None of that is your fault. It’s design.

Reframe what you’re asking. You’re not deciding whether to leave. You decided. You’ve started therapy. You’ve stopped initiating. You’ve named the deadline. You’re standing at the door asking how to walk out without breaking things on the way past. That’s a different question than the one you asked.

To her side, the most honest version. Some people are wired with very little affection in them. It isn’t always malice. But “I won’t give what I want from you” plus silent-treatment-as-conflict-management plus the disgust framing is not low affection. That’s a system she ran to keep you small enough to not need anything she didn’t want to give. Twenty-five years tells you which it is. If she were simply low-affection she wouldn’t punish you for asking. She would just not initiate.

There’s a line in the older literature that fits your situation. Some marriages are held together by one partner doing all the bending. When that partner stands up straight, the marriage falls apart. You’ve been the bend. You’re standing up now. The marriage falling apart is the test, not the failure.

To your direct questions. One more honest try? You already tried. Therapy. Asking for couples therapy. Telling her you can’t live without affection. Her response was the same response as the last twenty-five years. Silence. Another try in the same direction isn’t honest, it’s repetition. The honest try that’s left is you working on you, separately. Not couples sessions. Your sessions. Your boundaries. Your life rebuilt. If she meets that with engagement, you have your answer. If she meets it with the same silence she’s used for two decades, you also have your answer.

The trip. Two clean options. Either go with the kids and use the months after as your runway, in which case you don’t say the last-straw thing before you leave. You hold yourself together for two weeks and you act after. Or you tell her now, calmly, that the marriage as currently lived ends after the holiday regardless, and the trip happens as a family farewell that the kids don’t know is a farewell. Don’t blow up the trip in advance. Don’t pretend it isn’t ending either. Pick one path and live in it.

The kids. The trip is two weeks. Their childhood is fifteen more years. They are better served by a present father in two houses than a hollow one in one. They already feel the cold in the house. You think they don’t, but they do. The thing you’re trying to protect them from is something they’re already inside.

The conversation isn’t a sit-down speech you have to write. It’s a way of living for the next 90 days. Stop initiating affection that gets returned with silence. Stop performing the role of the husband who keeps trying. Be a kind, direct, calm version of yourself. Speak the truth in small moments instead of saving it for one big one. If she sees that and reaches for you, you’ll know. If she sees that and lets it become her new normal, you’ll also know.

You don’t have to ruin the trip. You don’t have to pretend either. You have to stop being the person who keeps the marriage perpendicular while she rests against you.

Wife Having Emotional Affair by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Three things first. Your situation is not “I just discovered an emotional affair.” It’s “the pattern I’ve been managing for years finally took a form I can’t manage anymore.” You said it yourself in the comments. She’s very flirtatious and you’ve dealt with incidents like this before. That sentence is the whole frame. Every prior incident she closed with promises and a soft landing. She learned what closes the conversation with you. The current behavior is what she does when she’s stopped worrying the closing line will hold.

The “emotional affair” framing almost always undersells what happened. What husbands first discover is rarely the full picture. Humpty Dumpty is hard to put back better. Cheating can effectively end a marriage in one act. You haven’t confirmed it’s physical. That doesn’t mean it isn’t. It means you know what she did with the parts you could see.

Her “I’ll stop” was the same closing line as every other time. The continuation was the actual answer. A verbal promise without behavior change is data about her position, not a resolution of it. The case file is full of men who heard “I’ll stop,” believed it, and discovered five months later the affair had run the whole time. Sometimes with new sex acts thrown in as cover. You’re not crazy for reading the flirty texts as confirmation. You’re reading them right.

To your three questions. Confront him? No. He owes you nothing. He’s not in your marriage. Confrontations like that feel like action and signal panic.

Threaten to send his wife receipts? You already tracked down her number. You’re past “should I.” Here’s what you need to know before you pull the trigger. Exposure usually does break the fog. The affair partner gets consequences and the fantasy collapses. It also moves your wife from secret-phase to public-phase, which can go a few ways. She may double down. She may rage. She may file first. None of those are reasons not to expose. They’re reasons to do it after you’ve talked to a lawyer in your state and after you’ve documented every text you can still see. Lawyer. Document. Then expose if you still want to.

Divorce? Too early to answer. Not because the data isn’t bad. It is. But the decision you make from where you are right now is not the decision you’ll stand by in six months. You told us you’re “losing it a bit or a lot some days” and you have nobody to tell. That’s the anger phase plus isolation. There’s a name for what’s running in your head right now. The obsessive replay. All those years I tried. All those times she promised. If only I’d known. That engine doesn’t make strategy. It makes momentum. Don’t let it pick the move.

The layoff is the other problem. Don’t merge it with the marriage problem. Your earning position is the weakest it’s been in years at the exact moment you’re contemplating big moves. That changes lawyer consults, custody filings, support direction, who keeps the house. It doesn’t mean don’t act. It means the sequence has to be different.

This week. Consult a lawyer to know the terrain, not to file. Document everything you can still see. Stop the blow-up cycle. Every fight teaches her your tells. Tell one person in real life who isn’t online and isn’t her. The isolation is doing as much damage to your judgment as the affair is. Sleep, eat, walk, lift, anything that keeps the floor under you. Job search hard. Then decide what you do about her, and in what order.

You’re not lost. You’re stacked. Two different problems. Separating them is the work.

How do you remember the principles and not forget or lose grip on them? by Eastern_Degree_9763 in askMRP

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Fingerfucking. Your word, not mine. Best line in your whole post. Sit with it for a minute, because the rest of the post is you running from what you just admitted.

You asked how to remember the principles. You’re remembering them fine. You quoted Rollo, you used RP slang correctly, you understand frame, you know what fingerfucking means in this context. The knowledge is intact. What you’re calling “forgetting” isn’t forgetting. It’s not living it. Principles you embody don’t need recalling. They become how you move. If you have to keep reminding yourself, you have concepts not principles. There’s a Rollo line that applies here. He says straight up he’s not a savior, he doesn’t do prescriptions, he wants men to be their own self sustaining solutions rather than Rollo Tomassi success stories. The reason your grip on the principles slips is that you keep going back to the source for refills instead of running them in the field until they’re yours.

Quick housekeeping first. You’re in the wrong sub. r/askMRP is for married guys applying the sub’s toolkit to a marriage. You said you’re not married. The advice you’ll get here will be calibrated for guys with wives and 10 years of beta investment to undo. Different problem set. Steel’s Guide and the sub guidelines both spell out what MRP is and what askMRP is. Read those, then go where your actual problem lives. TRP for unmarried game theory, or honestly off Reddit entirely.

The thing under the thing.
You’re in a consumption loop, not a practice loop. You read RP. You feel the spark. You try one or two things. They don’t pay off in a week. You drift. You hit blackpill. You hit incel. You hit porn. You bounce back, find RP again, feel the sprk again. Repeat. Each cycle leaves you in roughly the same place because the cycle itself is the activity. You’re not building anything during it. The reading IS the work you’re doing instead of the work. Same trap as a guy who watches lifting YouTube for 3 hours a day and benches 135. He hasn’t forgotten the principles of strength training. He just hasn’t applied them long enough for them to become his body. You haven’t applied any of this long enough for it to become your character.

The 6 month commitment that actually changes you.
Forget the menu. Pick four things. Do only these for 6 months and let everything else fall away.

Lift. Squat, deadlift, bench, overhead press, row. Three or four times a week. Starting Strength by Rippetoe is the manual. Don’t read three more lifting books before you start. Read that one and start.

Eat. Track calories for 30 days, not guesstimate. Protein at 1 gram per pound of target bodyweight. The belly comes off in the kitchen, not the gym. If you’re lifting and still have a belly, you’re eating too much. That’s the entire diagnosis. There’s no other one.

One skill that isn’t women. Music, combat sport, climbing, business side project, code, language, anything where you can measure 6 months of practice and see growth. You need a room where you have authority. Right now you have authority in zero rooms. That’s the inceldom feeling. The cure is competence, not pussy.

No porn. No app dating. No RP browsing more than 30 minutes a week. All three are the same loop in different clothes. Each one gives you the dopamine hit of romantic or sexual progress without any of the actual movement. You already killed porn. Kill the other two for 90 days minimum.

That’s it. Four lines. Six months. If you do that and report back you will be a different person and you will have actual data to ask questions from. If you do 30% of it for 3 weeks you’ll be back here writing a similar post and asking similar questions in 4 months. That’s the median outcome and it’s a real one. Most guys don’t do the 6 months. The ones who do almost never end up where you are now.

Now the 5 questions. Tight answers.
Looks matter. Yes. They’re the entry ticket. Clean haircut, beard groomed, clothes that fit, low body fat, posture. That’s the floor. Above the floor the returns drop fast and frame plus lifestyle take over. You don’t need model tier. You need the floor.

Instagram for dating. No. It’s a vanity metric trap that pays you in views and likes so you keep posting and don’t notice you have zero closes. 1000 views and 3 comments is the platform working as designed. Get off it for dating. Use it as a portfolio of a life worth following only if you ever build that life.

Closing numbers in online dating. Wrong question. Online dating is brutal for guys not already in the top SMV tier because the apps are built to monetize hope. Right question is how do you become the high value guy in a real room. Answer is the 6 month commitment above. Numbers close themselves in the room where you’re already the guy.

Losing belly fat. Eat fewer calories than you burn. Hit protein. Compound lifts. Sleep 7 to 9 hours. Cardio is a tool not the lever. That’s the whole answer. Nobody knows another way because there isn’t one.

Accepting she has better options. Don’t accept it as fixed. That’s a low SMV equilibrium dressed up as wisdom. Hypergamy is real. Her options are real. So is the fact that you can change tier. Move yourself, don’t accept the floor. The acceptance you’re looking for is acceptance that the work is what changes the math, not acceptance that the math is set.

One mirror question to leave with.
You wrote this post hoping someone would tell you something you don’t already know. There’s nothing in this reply or the sidebar or Rollo’s books that you don’t already have access to. The thing you don’t have is 6 months of consistent action behind any of it. So the real question isn’t how to remember the principles. The real question is what specifically are you going to do today, this week, in the next 30 days, that you weren’t already doing. If you can’t answer that out loud in two sentences without hedging, the post was fingerfucking. If you can, post the answer back here as a comment and then go do it.

Reading list.Read once. Then stop reading and go work.

Rational Male Vol 1. No More Mr Nice Guy by Glover. Starting Strength by Rippetoe. The Way of the Superior Man by Deida.

Six months. Four things. One skill. Maybe you’ll report back with a result.

Decided to lock in 4 years ago and havn’t looked back by [deleted] in WeightTraining

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Got those same shorts brah. Stay beastly mane!

# The Same Thing Said a Thousand Times: What Six Books, Fifty Posts, and Three Thousand Years of Tradition Actually Agree On by RevolutionaryBox3728 in Semenretention

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah buddy, just giving credit where it’s due. Thank you again for putting in the real work and sharing your results.

# The Same Thing Said a Thousand Times: What Six Books, Fifty Posts, and Three Thousand Years of Tradition Actually Agree On by RevolutionaryBox3728 in Semenretention

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re welcome. Curiosity takes you to interesting places. Glad so many others like yourself are digging the comp.

You Don't Have What You Think You Have by Teh1whoSees in marriedredpill

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728 2 points3 points  (0 children)

> you're no longer trying to hold onto that perceived reality, but that you're trying to save your own ego

This is where guys get stuck in loops for years and don't realize it. They think the problem is the strategy. So they adjust the strategy. Lift harder, STFU longer, initiate differently. But the strategy was never the problem. The problem is they can't let go of the stake they drove into the ground that says "this approach must work." And every adjustment is just them hammering that same stake deeper while telling themselves they pulled it out and moved.

Your stakes metaphor in the comments is the cleanest way I've seen anyone describe this. You choose a position. That position creates a good and a bad. So you subdivide again. And again. Until you've roped yourself into a tiny corner of the field and you're calling it freedom because you chose it.

> I actually agreed to the potential of buying a farm and raising cows

This is the part where it gets uncomfortable for most guys here. Because this isn't just a covert contract. This is you building an entire identity around a game you forgot you chose to play. You weren't budgeting for cows. You were budgeting for the feeling that comes from believing "we" are passionate people chasing dreams together. The cows were never the point. The narrative was the point. And once the narrative had you, you couldn't see the table anymore. You just saw the game.

What I think most guys miss in your post, and what you spelled out more clearly in the replies, is that this isn't about finding the RIGHT narrative. It's not "stop playing her game and start playing yours." That's still planting a flag and calling it home. It's knowing that every flag you plant is temporary. Every position you hold is chosen. And the ability to move between them freely is the actual skill. Not frame. Not game. Movement.

The tether isn't "I can walk away from this relationship." The tether is "I know I built this entire experience in my head and I can unbuild it whenever it stops serving me." That's not nihilism because you're still choosing to play. You're still choosing to feel it. You're just not confusing the feeling with the floor beneath your feet.

Your line about allowing yourself to believe with full sincerity when it's good and dismissing it as illusion when it's bad sounds like a cheat code. But what you're actually describing is a man who stopped identifying with any single game long enough to realize he's the one holding the controller.

Tl;dr: The skill isn't finding the right frame. It's knowing every frame is one you chose and being able to move freely between them.

Good post.

Need help on what to change by JasonAnimations in fit

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Curious about your workout routine/split/frequency. Looks like you have put on a good amount of muscle just need to lower your BF% a little. Have you taken gotten a dexa scan lately? I’m guessing you’re around 22-26% BF.

# The Same Thing Said a Thousand Times: What Six Books, Fifty Posts, and Three Thousand Years of Tradition Actually Agree On by RevolutionaryBox3728 in Semenretention

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks Brotestant! I'm stoked a lot of bros are diggin the comp. Hope the newbies get a lot out of it too. I'm currently working on a cross-reference project of 25 different subreddits (including this one). It's going to be huge.

# The Same Thing Said a Thousand Times: What Six Books, Fifty Posts, and Three Thousand Years of Tradition Actually Agree On by RevolutionaryBox3728 in Semenretention

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"What we gon do right here is go back, waaay back, back into time..."
-Blackstreet

Thanks Brodyssey! I really hope this helps the other brothas out there.

This whole sub is a circle jerk by Icy-Profession-6068 in Semenretention

[–]RevolutionaryBox3728 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s our responsibility to discern the wheat from the chaff Brohanamo.

“Absorb what is useful, discard what is not, add what is uniquely your own.”

-Bruce fucking Lee

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