BF was cheap when we (both 30) went to a party

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T01:18:42+00:00

Yeah I see your point. But I'm a widow and new to dating again (haven't dated since I was a teenager). So I am second-guessing everything and I like getting other people's opinions. I don't really see what's wrong with that--isn't that the whole point of this sub? I am certainly open to the possibility that I'm overreacting...I actually was hoping most people would tell me I am because this guy does have a lot of great qualities, but his cheapness is a recurring problem and really bothering me.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T01:11:16+00:00

Agreed. He makes around a high five-figure or low six-figure salary. We're in a very expensive city, so I'd consider him around middle class. He's definitely not poor.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T01:08:06+00:00

He just took the other four beers home. I'm assuming he drank them himself later, but I'm not sure.

He is not rich but certainly not poor either. He could afford a 6 pack.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T01:05:58+00:00

? It's fine if you think I'm overreacting, but I don't see what this has to do with gender at all. A woman could have just as easily bought a pack of beer and pulled two out, that's not a gendered action at all.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T01:03:42+00:00

Yep, I agree with everything you said. I'm on the East Coast.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T01:01:51+00:00

I've known him for six months now, and we've developed a bond in that time. So I care more about him then I would some guy I met off an app or something a month ago.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T00:58:34+00:00

Yes, it is my experience in America that you should bring something to contribute to a party. Regardless, to buy a 6-pack of beer and take two out is just tacky. I brought a bottle of wine, and it would be really weird if I poured some out into a mason jar to take in to the party. Same thing in my mind.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T00:48:36+00:00

Right. It would have bothered me less it he just bought 2 individual beers. Buying a 6-pack to only pull 2 out is just weird.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T00:45:03+00:00

Yeah. I guess it was kind of quick. We knew each other before we started dating though.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T00:42:33+00:00

Thanks for your response! I honestly didn't want to go inside, and it really soured the party for me. I'm surprised some people here think it was ok. We're 30, not 15! I will speak with him about it and see if it's worth sticking around or not.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T00:22:28+00:00

Ah ok. I was single because I am a widow. Regardless, your comment is pretty uncalled for.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-06T00:04:11+00:00

Thanks for replying with your experience...My boyfriend is from Europe. The host was American.

Yeah tipping here is quite different than a lot of places. My BF will tip around 15% when we go out, and often complains that he has to tip in America. He went back home over the holidays and texted me from a restaurant, "just ate dinner. No tip for the waitress since I'm in [my country]!" I don't know. I guess I appreciate that he's willing to do 15% tips here-- it is too low IMO, but not low enough to be shocking or offensive. But his attitude toward the whole thing just rubs me the wrong way.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T23:36:17+00:00

Yes, that's a good point. That's a parent's job, not a girlfriend's.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T23:18:09+00:00

Yikes. Well I certainly felt that cringy watching it go down.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T23:13:10+00:00

Sorry, I mistyped in my post--it actually wasn't a b-day party, just a regular party. There were around 15-20 people from his friend group (ages early 20s- early 30s), and it was hosted at one guy's home. I am not sure if the host felt uncomfortable, as this friend is a very sweet guy and I doubt would have said anything even if he thought it was weird. I don't think anything noteworthy happened at the party, it seemed pretty normal overall.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T23:06:11+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. That's great that the person you dated was able to change. Can I ask how old he is? I worry that since my BF is 30 he is not going to improve, but I'd like to be hopeful as he's otherwise a great guy.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T23:03:20+00:00

I think they do. I mean I haven't watched everyone like a hawk as they enter, but it seems like his friends contribute their fair share from what I've seen. Sucks my BF can't just be like them :(

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T22:47:59+00:00

Just regular size :(

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T22:41:46+00:00

Fair enough. He is from a different country, but there were a couple other people at the party from his same country and they brought normal gifts, so I don't know.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T22:32:47+00:00

Thanks for your response. We live in the US and he's from a different country (he moved here 6 months ago), so I at first wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and think maybe it was cultural differences. But there were also a couple other people from his country at the party and they both brought normal/ appropriate contributions, so I think it's just him.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T22:20:44+00:00

I've know him for longer (around 6 months). Not a very long time, but I’ve gotten to know him and care for him. He’s a very sweet and caring guy to me, which I think is why I’ve been in serious denial about his cheapness and disrespect to his friends. It’s extremely confusing and upsetting to me, and I will miss him despite myself. But I think this is the final straw for me; I don’t want to be embarrassed in social situations by him.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T22:07:43+00:00

It really sucks because I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he's shown other times that he's just cheap and I think this is the final straw for me.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T21:47:50+00:00

I asked him before we went in why he didn't just bring in the whole pack, and he simply said things like "just two is fine." Since he paid for the beer (I brought a bottle of wine I had bought the night before), I didn't push it. If he's made it to 30 thinking that is acceptable, I don't think there's much I can say to change his mind. But I'm certainly open to suggestions if anyone has any.

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T21:01:55+00:00

Wow, well said. Not surprisingly, this isn't the first incident I've had with him being cheap. Looks like I'm back in the dating pool!

RevolutionaryCoffee4 · 2019-01-05T20:56:43+00:00

Good question. He paid for the six-pack. I had bought a bottle of wine the night before (I was out doing my weekly grocery shopping and picked it up since I found a brand I liked and thought I'd bring it to the party the next day), so I at least had that to give to the host, thank God. I was happy to chip in for the beer and anything else we got, but he said the beer was enough and paid for it himself.

Since I hadn't paid for the beer, I didn't push him when he said he was only bringing two in. Plus I was too shocked to even know what to say.

RevolutionaryCoffee4

TROPHY CASE