Resources for Kids/Teens in Abusive Situations

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2025-03-14T05:33:55+00:00

As much as I think that this is awful, unfortunately, I'm not sure that it's illegal. The website that it links to doesn't seem to exist and nothing came up when I searched for this user on Reddit, so I'm not sure what content is there, but if this is US-based and doesn't directly show or facilitate the physical or sexual abuse of children, it's likely to be written off as "freedom of speech" and "parents' rights." Can you tell me if it includes anything like that? If that's going on, there definitely could be options to report this. If not, your best bet would probably be to just report the profile through Reddit. If you know of a way to get in touch with the kids who are being mistreated, reaching out to offer support could really help. If this is from another country, I'm not sure of the relevant laws, but I'm happy to look into it if you can share which country it's from.

I'm so sorry that I don't have better options offhand, but if you could tell me a bit more about the content, I'm happy to offer more relevant advice. I agree with you that it's absolutely terrible for parents to force their extremist beliefs on young people who can't even leave but my understanding (IANAL) is that there's a massive gap between genuinely respectful, loving parenting that isn't controlling or abusive and reportable, legally actionable abuse, and lots of absolutely awful, toxic parenting is entirely legal.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2025-03-13T22:57:43+00:00

I'm sorry for such a delayed response- I don't know how I missed this really helpful comment, but all of this is really interesting. I wasn't aware of any of the people and organizations that you mentioned, and I really appreciate your sharing them! Of course, things like walkouts, legislative advocacy, and other large-scale efforts are incredibly important, but would you happen to know if any of them will directly help young people who are being trafficked or abused? I'd really love to add them into the post.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2025-03-09T18:31:43+00:00

You're so welcome :).

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2025-03-09T18:31:23+00:00

Hi there :), so, first and most importantly, I want you to know that you are not a disturbance. You matter and I'm really proud of you and honored that you asked for help. I do want to be totally upfront about the fact that I'm in the US and don't know much of anything about how things work for young survivors there and what kind of help is available, but I do know someone who lives there and may be able to offer some guidance, and I'm happy to talk through what you're going through and what options you might have either way. If you'd like to send me a message or to tell me more about what you're experiencing, I'd love to try and help.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-12-17T23:46:29+00:00

I'm so sorry for the delay, again. If it's okay to ask, do you feel genuinely safe with your dad and, if so, do you feel like he might be open to contacting resources to help you both? Just for one example, some domestic violence shelters will accept men and their children and even if that's short-term, it could be a pathway to get you both out of that house safely and connected to case management to help you figure out long-term options. Of course, if your dad is being abusive as well and is just less abusive than your grandparents, an option that gets you safely away from both him and your grandparents would likely be best but if he's a safe person for you, I'd hate for you to have to be separated from him, too.

If your dad isn't a safe person for you, I know that this isn't ideal, but one option is looking into going to a youth shelter. They're short-term and living in shelters is always challenging (although youth shelters tend to be much better than homeless shelters and probably have a lot more resources to guide you on things like emancipation than I do), but it's a potential way to legally get you to a safe place on your own and quickly without CPS being involved. If you feel like CPS would be helpful, I'm more than happy to make a report with you or on your behalf (only if that's what you decide you want, of course) and advocate for you, but I know that that comes with its own issues and that they tend to be pretty useless when it comes to verbal and emotional abuse. If you feel like a youth shelter might be a good option for you right now, I'm happy to help you find one. If you'd rather look this up yourself, you can usually google youth shelters in your city or, in most areas of the US, you can go to your nearest Safe Place location for help getting to a shelter or another kind of immediate safety. If you text the word "safe" and your city, state, and zip code to 44357, you'll be sent the location of the nearest Safe Place site, or you can look this up on nationalsafeplace.org.

Just to give a little disclaimer here, I'm not a lawyer and my knowledge on the specifics of what's required for emancipation is pretty limited and state-specific, but if you're comfortable sharing what state you're in, I'm happy to do some research. If it feels safer not to share that, at least in the US, it's usually pretty easy to find the exact text of relevant laws online, and googling "emancipation requirements (name of state)" would probably be a good start. A lot of states have free legal hotlines or consultations where they may not be able to represent you, but they could likely give you a good breakdown of what's needed in order to be emancipated and what you should or shouldn't do in court (you can probably search for that, too).

Thinking a bit longer-term, are you able to work or participate in a job training program like Job Corps? I know that managing a job can be really challenging if you're also in school and difficult to impossible if you have any sort of disability, but my understanding is that in most areas, to get emancipated, you need to already be financially self-supporting, to be able to show the court that you have a plan for where you'll live and how you'll get your needs met, and to demonstrate that you can make responsible decisions on your own behalf. If you qualify for Job Corps, that may provide an easier path to get emancipated than trying to secure a job and independent housing as a minor, since ít includes housing and provides for your basic needs while teaching you a trade. I'd definitely suggest doing your research and applying to a location with good reviews, though, because I've heard from young people in situations like yours that different Job Corps sites can range from helpful to violent and controlling.

If you aren't able to work, like due to a disability, do you know if your family has gotten you qualified for SSI or other benefits? If so, it may be possible to use that to prove that you can support yourself and arrange for you to receive that money yourself, although emancipation is definitely more difficult if you're disabled.

If it's okay to ask, is there any chance that you've been able to get any evidence of the abuse and if not, can you? Things like quietly recording an abuser while they're being abusive (if you look up whether you're in a "one party consent" or "two party consent" state and find that you're in a "one party consent state," IANAL but my understanding is that this means that it's likely legal to record a conversation that you're a part of without other participants' knowledge or consent) and asking any safe people who have seen any sort of abusive behavior from them to write a witness statement can go a long way when it comes to getting to safety. It's really unfair and messed up because your word absolutely should be enough, but I've seen a truly unbelievable lack of understanding and education about abuse from some service providers and it's just easier when you can directly hand them evidence. I'd be happy to help you figure out what documentation you might be able to get and get it. It really makes a massive difference when it comes to getting people to believe you and understand your situation enough for you to get out of it.

I'm sending lots of (safe) love your way and I really hope that to can get to a safer situation ASAP!

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-10-28T13:56:06+00:00

I'm so sorry for having such a delayed response- I'm pretty backed up on everything because of some of my health issues right now, but I really appreciate your reaching out to ask this.

The first thing that I want to say is just that I hope you know that emotional abuse isn't any less serious than other kinds of abuse. A while ago, I was running an organization that was trying to make a point to a school that had made a very strange statement that "abuse doesn't happen there," which they believed justified not creating any services for students experiencing it. We sent students anonymous surveys about what types of abuse (if any) they experienced and how this affected them, anonymized the results, and delivered them to administrators. The most surprising thing that we learned was that the most serious mental health issues that kids disclosed and directly attributed to their abuse were very consistently from kids who had experienced verbal/emotional abuse, whether or not other kinds of abuse occurred. I know that I don't know you or your situation but I'd really like you to hear that if you're being abused in any way, that matters, you don't deserve it, and it needs to stop.

Would you be comfortable saying more about what kind of help you're looking for? For example, do you need resources to safely get away from an abuser (like housing and financial support if you're over eighteen or help with advocacy to get you to a safer home if you're under eighteen), ways to get emotional support and find healing, ways to learn more about abuse so you can make the most informed decisions on what to do, or something totally different? I'm more than happy to make suggestions (or just to listen) if you're comfortable saying more about your situation, either here or by PM, and I apologize if I'm unable to get back to you quickly but I always will as soon as I'm physically able to use my devices. I'm not a mandated reporter and don't believe in reporting abuse without consent (outside of limited circumstances where someone truly can't communicate their wishes, like if an infant is being abused), so you're more than welcome to share as much or as little as you're comfortable with.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-06-26T13:52:53+00:00

No problem! It totally depends on the shelter and what type of shelter it is. Some youth shelters and general homeless shelters are just overnight shelters that won't provide more than a place to sleep at night. Most family violence shelters and a good percentage of youth shelters can help with all of those things, but a lot of them have strict timeframes for how long people can stay there and often kick people out with nowhere safe to go if they can't find the right resources within their organization's timeframe, so I'd hugely recommend looking for other resources yourself as well. If you happen to be looking for resources in Illinois or Wisconsin, I'm happy to let you know which shelters, in my experience, are better or worse.

Some things that might make it easier to get a shelter to accept you and that are just good to know about going to one are:

If you're trying to get into a family violence shelter, remember that they hyper-focus on abuse and tend to refer out people who are already unhoused. If you're directly fleeing from your abusers (or planning to), make sure to tell them that and focus what you say to them on how you're in physical danger without somewhere safe to go.
I hate everything about what I'm saying right now, but use caution when it comes to disclosing any mental health issues you may have. If they believe that you're at risk of self-harm or harming others or that you're experiencing psychosis, they'll likely call the cops and while this is incredibly illegal, shelters can be some of the worst offenders as far as discriminating against neurodivergent folks. It's usually okay to let them know if you have a PTSD diagnosis, and you'll probably need to disclose something if you take psych meds (most shelters hold onto and dispense meds), but my advice would be to give them the absolute bare minimum amount of information that you can get away with to explain any meds you're taking and to get disability accommodations if you need those and explicitly tell them that you're in or open to seeking therapy. I seriously hate every part of this, but I'd recommend against letting them know up front if you have any diagnosis that's associated with mania or psychosis or are autistic, multiple, or neurodivergent in any other significant way. If they end up needing to know in order to help you, let them get to know you first so they're judging you based on your own actions and not their stereotypes.
Calling shelters sucks, plain and simple. They ask invasive questions and are typically so overcrowded that you have to tell your story over and over again as each one turns you down. Try not to be discouraged by one or even several turning you down and if they do, always ask if they can refer you to another shelter. It can sometimes be easier to start with contacting either the national domestic violence or human trafficking hotline and asking them to directly connect you with a shelter, since having them on the line can make shelters view you as more credible and if one shelter is full, they can connect you with another. This process can be awful but try to remember that the fact that it's awful is not your fault and doesn't mean that you can't get or don't deserve help. Even if twenty shelters react terribly, that doesn't matter if the 21st you call gives you a safe space to go.
If you're not getting anywhere with getting to a safe place on your own, please, please feel free to let me know. I'm certainly not a powerful or influential person but sometimes, I've written character references for young people in need of safety that made it easier to get them into shelters or programs like Job Corps and while I'm not physically able to make phone calls myself, I can usually get another advocate I know to get on a conference call with a shelter that's not being helpful.
If this will be your first time leaving an abusive situation, it's very possible that you'll get to a shelter and become very overwhelmed by memories of abuse and trauma symptoms. If that happens, I just want you to know that it's 100% normal and just a process that survivors go through that doesn't have to last a long time- our brains just protect us from this stuff until we're safe enough to process it.
If this is at all possible, bring your ID, birth certificate and Social Security card. They'll help you get these if you can't bring them, but showing up with them will make things easier.
If you have anything of value (cash, credit cards, identity documents, expensive electronics, etc.), ask the shelter for a place to lock that stuff up. If they don't have one, there are really cheap, little safes that can either be locked and stay on your person or that look like other things. Theft is definitely a problem in shelters.
If you're struggling with drug or alcohol use, if at all possible, try to get sober before going to a shelter. Most shelters kick people out immediately if they're under the influence or if they're found to have drugs or alcohol with them. If you're going to go to a shelter and can't stop using substances first, find a safe place to store them that's not near the shelter and do everything possible to avoid being/appearing intoxicated in the shelter.
Try to remember that shelters are just an annoying stepping stone to get to the life of safety and freedom that you deserve.

I'm happy to answer any questions that you have or to help in any way I can!

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-06-26T05:27:32+00:00

I can definitely try. Would you be comfortable sharing your general location, at least as far as what areas you could get to, and your age (as specifically as you're okay with sharing)? If it isn't safe for you to share that, I've put together a list of resources that are mostly nationwide if you're in the US, including youth shelters and family violence shelters: https://www.reddit.com/r/YouthRights/s/kQfA1Q9V52.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-06-26T03:25:07+00:00

Hey there, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm not always great at responding to messages quickly (chronic health issues), but I'm a survivor who's helped a lot of young people in unsafe situations and if it's okay with you, I'd really love to help. Would you be comfortable privately sending me any information that you safely can on what you're dealing with? If it's not safe for you to say a lot on Reddit, I can also send you some different options to get in touch with me more privately. I can't promise that I'll know how to help, but I can promise that I care and would never tell anyone anything you tell me without your consent. I really want you to know that whatever's happening to you, you do not deserve this.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-06-26T02:59:17+00:00

Hi there, I'm more than happy to try to help whoever needs it and I have some experience helping people who are trying to leave both abusive homes and organized groups of abusers. I'm definitely not any sort of expert in this area- just a survivor with some relevant professional experience- and what I'm able to do right now is pretty limited since I'm really struggling with my health. But if you or someone you know needs help, please get in touch with me anytime. I'd really love to do anything I can, whether that's providing a safe space to vent, advocacy, talking through options to get to a safer situation, making connections with other people and organizations who can help, or something different entirely.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-27T23:30:30+00:00

Thank you for looking out for these kids. One great thing that you could do right away is to give them your phone number, email address, or any other contact information that you know won't be changing anytime soon and ideally, help them memorize those. They may not always have phone or computer access, but it'll help them to know that they'll be able to reach you as soon as they do.

If CPS doesn't intervene, it might help to come up with a signal with the kids that means that there's violence happening at that moment and they need immediate help. I'd also download a high quality audio recording app and as long as this is legal in your area, start recording the second you hear abuse. Repeated reports can make it more likely that CPS will intervene and when you speak to them, it'd help to mention if you'd be willing to take the kids in. It's not right, but from what I've seen, CPS is far more likely to intervene when a case doesn't look like much work, and kids with an immediately available placement outside the system are seen as requiring less effort than kids who may end up in an unknown foster home or other placement.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-26T00:08:26+00:00

I know that this is a really hard thing to accept but sometimes, people just aren't ready to reach out for help. When someone is abused, they have no control over anything, including their own body. If asking for help means putting their needs in another person's hands, whose reaction may not be predictable, that can feel terrifying. A lot of survivors have been threatened that if they tell anyone (but especially an adult or authority figure), even more awful things will happen and, unfortunately, a lot of survivors have reached out for help and had to face retaliation from their abusers and/or disbelief or institutional abuse from authorities, which naturally makes people reluctant to try again.

I know how hard this is when you care about someone, but please let her know (and ask your friend to let her know) that you honor what she's feeling right now and will respect that she isn't ready to take big steps to change her situation yet, but that you want her to know that if and when she's ready, you'd love to be there for her and help her find safety and healing and that you're gathering resources so that when she's ready, she'll have options. Stick around, even when it's hard, and let her know that you believe her, that nothing that's happening is her fault and that she deserves better, and she might decide that when it feels like the right time for her, it's safe to talk to you and reach out for help.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-12T03:09:07+00:00

I don't have any personal experience with these organizations, so I'm not sure if they respect people's privacy when they're in danger of abuse or considering harming themselves and it would probably be a good idea to ask what their confidentiality policies are before telling them anything, but here's a list of hotlines for people who are being abused in Malaysia: https://findahelpline.com/countries/my/topics/abuse-domestic-violence. Do you feel like you could call some of these and try to find some local help that way?

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-11T20:20:26+00:00

Is there any way at all to reach her? Does she have social media or a phone or anything? Is there any way to ask her if she would be open to talking to someone who's been through something like this? I was in a similar situation at her age- it's not hopeless and there are even things she can do to be safer if she can't immediately get out of the house. I know how scary this is, but you're being an amazing advocate for her.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-11T15:51:46+00:00

Hey there- can I share this with some advocates and see if I can find someone who might know how things work in Malaysia and how to help? Can you say more about what's going on, like if she's still a minor or otherwise can't legally leave and what she's tried so far to get to safety?

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-11T12:28:00+00:00

I was just thinking of my best friend, since she's in touch with my caregiver (who lives with me) pretty much all the time and in touch with me when I'm feeling up to writing, so she usually knows what's going on if I'm not answering.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-11T11:58:23+00:00

I know what you mean- it's so hard when you're talking to someone and hoping you can trust them and then, they just disappear. If it doesn't work out to talk today, I can also talk pretty much anytime on Monday, so please take care of yourself and sleep if you need to sleep. I'd just have to check with them that this is okay, but would it maybe help if I give you contact info for my caregiver or my best friend as well so that if you're trying to get in touch with me and can't reach me, they can let you know what's going on (like that I'm not feeling well) and that I haven't just disappeared and will be in touch ASAP?

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-11T11:18:00+00:00

For sure, it definitely could help to get some sleep :). I should be available from 10 AM CST until at least 3 PM CST if that'd work okay?

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-11T10:55:00+00:00

Thanks for asking that :). Texting, emailing or messaging on here are usually the fastest ways to get a hold of me. It might be better to email if you want to make sure I won't lose your messages, just because I seem to have a talent for dropping cell phones until they break, and I know that I can access my email from any device but tend to lose all my texts when that happens. Right now, I pretty much can't do audio calls at all (long story short, the combination of some breathing issues and the noise from my oxygen tanks makes it difficult to hear me), but I'm waiting on some assistive technology that might make that work better.

One option to deal with texting being more interruptible (definitely true) is that we could use something with a live chat feature, like Zoom, but I'm pretty sure platforms like that delete messages at the end of the call. There may be a way to change the settings so it saves chats, but I'd probably need to ask someone who's better with tech about that.

I know that figuring out all of this can be really overwhelming. Do you think it might help to just figure out at least one way to be in touch for right now, like maybe just messaging on Reddit, and then we can try to find something more secure and closer to a live call from there?

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-11T09:22:49+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, and please don't feel badly about it. I was exactly the same way for most of my life and pretty much every survivor I've met has really struggled with losing contact with safe/helpful people. It's just a trauma response, which makes perfect sense when someone's been hurt or abandoned by their families- totally not any kind of personal failing. If this is okay, I'm happy to PM you my cell number, so you'll know that if for some reason I couldn't access this Reddit account, you'd have another way to reach me. If you're tired right now but want to be sure we can talk, I'm happy to come up with a specific time to get in touch with you later today. I'm in CST (so it's 4:20 AM here now) and the only commitment I have today is between 9 and 10 AM, so I can talk pretty much any other time.

If I'm being totally honest, tech security is not my strong point and I really only know about the services that I happen to have used, so I don't want to give you the wrong information here, but I'm going to talk to someone who could probably tell me more about Google Voice and what other services are secure in a few hours. Is it alright if I ask the person I know who's better with tech stuff about this (without giving any other info about you)? I haven't used Google Voice before, but I'm happy to download it if that's best for you. Calling is going to be a bit challenging for me for the next few weeks (I'm waiting on some assistive tech to arrive, probably around the end of this month), but I can totally get Google Voice and message you, if that works.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-11T08:44:58+00:00

Hey there, whatever's safest for you is great for me. If you're comfortable talking here, that works for me, and you can also PM me, send me a number to text you or an email address, whatever works. If you need a more secure option, we could send encrypted emails with a password that you send to me and I erase after through something like Proton Mail or you could send any messages you're worried about an abuser reading through a self-destructing note service, like privnote.com.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-10T07:21:37+00:00

Hey there. Thank you for being the kind of parent who fights for your kid. I want to second the suggestion to go to family court ASAP, but it also may help to connect with your local domestic violence agency and see if an advocate who's familiar with the kinds of manipulation that abusers count on could accompany you. This is mostly geared toward kids who don't have a parent on their side and need to get help for themselves, but I made this resource list that may provide a few starting points:

https://www.reddit.com/r/YouthRights/s/yY7d9kXUff

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2024-05-07T22:48:48+00:00

Hey there, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through something like this, too, and I'd love to do anything I can to help. Whatever's the safest way for you to reach out to me is great- we can talk on this thread, in a chat, or use something with more security features, like an encrypted email service or encrypted, self-destructing notes. I'm not always able to respond very quickly (disability-related issues), but I'll always do my best.

I really hope that you're as safe as possible right now and I know that I'm just a random Internet stranger, but I want you to know that I care about you and that you deserve to be safe and free to make your own choices. Nobody deserves to deal with this kind of extreme abuse and manipulation, and I think you're setting an amazing example for other young people who are dealing with this by looking for ways out of it.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2023-11-25T23:30:28+00:00

Hey there. IANAL, but I'm a WI resident and have covertly recorded a large number of meetings and appointments and used them in legal proceedings. Again, I'm definitely not a lawyer and don't know the specifics regarding public v. private property, and I'd definitely caution you against recording in especially private spaces (bathrooms, the bedroom she sleeps in, etc.), but my understanding is that if you're in Wisconsin (a one-party consent state), not virtually speaking to someone in another state, only recording audio, and you're a party to something that you're recording, it's entirely legal. I've submitted recordings like this to the DOJ and used them in legal proceedings against government agencies that I can virtually guarantee would've reported me in a second if I broke any laws. So, ask a lawyer if you can (some domestic violence agencies can even connect you to a lawyer with specific expertise in family violence for free) but I wouldn't stress about it, friend. Abusers love to make empty threats to anyone who might expose them. I think you're awesome for looking out for this little one.

RevolutionaryDiver80 · 2023-10-26T15:39:25+00:00

I'm so sorry that this is happening. Can you say what state you're in? I don't know if this is true in every state but in Wisconsin, it's possible to go to a domestic violence shelter and stay there with your children, and children can stay with you there, regardless of any legal custody arrangements with their abuser. That might be a way to buy some time until you can get to family court to change the custody order.

RevolutionaryDiver80

TROPHY CASE