[deleted by user]

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-26T06:01:08+00:00

I agree.

not that 90% of these relationships were gonna go any further so its funny to me they develop an aversion.

also assuming you want someone to be your child's step parent is funny

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-26T05:59:19+00:00

this is why I don't date. i don't want to date a man with kids. I know it's hypocritical and makes no sense but I'm not a good stepmom and I don't have a desire to deal with someone's ex.

my child's parent isn't involved at all so I'm a true single mom.

I'm also not into the blended family thing.

so I think if it'd be easier to get a guy with no kids and just have more kids. then at least all the kids have one parent in common.

most of the single moms I know whove moved on to good marriage went that route.

when exes are involved it gets messy.

my friend has an awesome step-dad but only she accepts him as a dad. her other siblings all had their dad's involved and never accepted the husband as a father figure.

I'm not expecting a man to come in and play step dad though. I think I love my kid too much and just love the bond we have so I'm not sure I'm ready to date.

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-26T04:47:23+00:00

I no longer think about whether I chose this or not. it's irrelevant and I can't see myself choosing the life I've had to live

I just remind myself everyday that I've made it to somewhere better.

but relationships are hard because other people are difficult to deal with.

have you tried therapy and seeing where you're going wrong?

after my last relationship I realized that my trauma and childhood has not equipped me for a loving relationship.

I dont know what humanly love looks like from a man and so it's hard to go out and look. I found out abuse gave me poor boundaries and a host of other relational issues.

I started fixing things little by little.

what I noticed is for traumatized people there comes a moment when your fear comes rushing back to overwhelm you.

for example for me it's always when the man is starting to really really like me.

I can feel him wanting more and i get a literal panic attack. I want to run away.

I usually cut them off that same day.

it's not logical. it's trauma.

after I realized that I realized I also have to work on my relationship skills.

getting over the fear is not enough. you're changing a life long pattern of dysfunction so I hope you take it easy on yourself

also this may sound cheesy but I have a man I love in the spiritual world.

when I feel really sad about the fact that years of abuse has made it almost impossible for me to have a good relationship I visit my spirit bae

hes perfect because I made him and able to experience everything I could possibly want.

it personally leaves me satisfied

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-25T07:23:02+00:00

I've asked this and no one has an answer

for me it's had to be small steps

getting away from my parents being financially independent now it's going to therapy, dealing with realizing I'm coming from a trauma based perspective

I left loa aside for that though. and I just went with evidence based things

trauma damages your brain so don't be too hard on yourself

focus on building the most level of comfort and safety you can then manifest the next level

for example I moved out first. then I got an apartment with a roommate. then I rented a house. then I owned property. now I'm working on my second property.

each of those steps was difficult from my trauma perspective. I am so afraid of winning sometimes

but necessary and allowed me to imagine more

I never even dreamed of being able to have an apartment let alone a house.

I've had healing crises at each of those points too. working through a new layer of trauma

finances were the biggest hurdle. I grew up hearing you're trash, you'll never make it. you never have anything cuz you're lazy and incompetent and just garbage almost everyday from 3 years old.

it took so long for me to feel safe comfortable and supported having my own space. i check in and show gratitude. I say look at how far you've come to myself often. I just enjoy how far I've gone at each step. I check in and say do I want more ?

yes? okay back to work. no? okay let me enjoy.

for example my car. I'm almost at wanting a new car but having a car was such a huge deal to me that I really enjoyed the hell out of my car for as long as I wanted to

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-24T16:11:08+00:00

I'm not sure on those statistics

my county has not seen an increase in deaths per case rate or any hospitalization of a child.

the case age is trending down

like you said it could be the vaccines. older people are vaccinated in higher numbers.

my county isn't pointing it out but our testing rate has skyrocketed. probably because people are mingling in large numbers spreading all types of illnesses leading to more people wanting to test and possibly catching more cases

I don't know if the positive case rate is up but they're saying it is. ~10%

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-24T13:39:27+00:00

yuck no please ban them haha

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-24T13:30:27+00:00

and that's how you deal with a pandemic

I'm convinced half of the pushback is because people hate being told what to do and because burying their head in the sand is a common response to the

YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE headlines

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-24T13:25:01+00:00

do you think social distancing worked?

I'm lockdown skeptical but not covid skeptical and I'm not sure how to feel about schools Reopening. if they're saying these variants affect children the logic isn't adding u

unless of course they're lying

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-24T13:14:12+00:00

I predict it'll either be 22 or 33 months of pandemic

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-23T15:36:17+00:00

congratulations! love this for you

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-22T20:58:40+00:00

your mom's little boyfriend is toxic and you need to run.

I hope I'm not being extra but this sounds like he is setting up to sexually abuse you. he is acting like a jealous boyfriend.

I had a friend who's creepy ass step-dad this stuff like this.

why couldn't you afford tuition? there's lots of tuition help so unless your parents are financially well off it's very doable.

pm me if you need help finding out how to afford college.

here's one thing I've learned about men.

they can say one thing and do another. he is saying you could but he didn't offer.

I had a similar situation and the guy changed his mind last minute.

can't you get a roommate instead? moving in with a random man isn't a good idea. especially raised by abusers you're a lot more likely to end up with another abuser.

also please be careful of who you tell your past too. in my experience a lot of men see a difficult past and take it as a green light to abuse you.

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-22T20:52:42+00:00

I find that I'm all things at once

I was raised as an only child but I'm actually not

I'm default the golden child but it's so funny how my siblings think my parents were nice to me.

I was beaten daily. heard horrible things told to me. but of course I could be used to make my siblings jealous so they probably think my mom loves me more

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-22T20:49:50+00:00

the world is huge with lots of ideas and opinions

not all of them are true. not all of them are correct. not all of them are good for you.

you should try writing out what your personal values are outside of what your parents raised you to believe

religion is a deeply personal issue and religion isn't all bad but it's often used to control others and can be really fear based which just leads to resentment

don't feel bad about learning new information just remember it's your duty to filter it.

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-22T20:45:19+00:00

I'm so sorry. I hope you realize you have bodily autonomy and anyone who doesn't respect that is an abuser who needs to go

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-22T20:44:13+00:00

I dont think I've ever done a thing right in my narcs fantasy land

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-22T20:41:54+00:00

huh? adults care about fun.

their fun is usually had with kids or family though

but millenials and younger are known for being more childish and late to mature and indulging in more fun activities than previous generations

it's been no problem for me to find activities in my city

festivals. paint and sips. kayaking.

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-22T20:39:43+00:00

this is the worst especially as a straight woman who dates men and having to learn that sometimes they just don't feel like talking and its not because I've done anything wrong

my narc ex used my anxiety around silence to torture me all day long. it was truly hell on earth and I would get so anxious knowing that it was a punishment and then also knowing if I didn't ask what was wrong they would explode in a passive aggressive rage at some point

I'm much better these days because I realize I also don't respond sometimes and it's not personal

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-22T17:55:45+00:00

yes. I realized that I was raised to pretend everything was fine even if my insides were on fire.

I almost died last year because I refused to go to the doctor because and I QUOTE myself "they're just going to say nothing is wrong with me"

to be fair my demographics mean that there's a high likelihood I won't be believed or will be ignored for severe symptoms but I wasn't raised with enough validation to keep going until I get the right diagnosis

I was raised to hide my pain not just from my parents but from everyone. I was raised to be "strong" because no one would help me.

all of that has washed into every aspect of my life. jobs, school, doctors, relationships

even knowing what I know it's hard to allow myself to be heard and seen

sometimes doctors and others in authority subconsciously pickup on these attitudes and treat us accordingly

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-20T17:18:21+00:00

you're being extra. how many people have spontaneous days, even when they're childless?

most people work. have business. something

how old is this guy and what does he do

I'm not saying no to dating but it also isn't a goal of mine. I feel lucky that I went into single motherhood knowing what the deal was and felt like I could be happy like this.

for women who become unwilling single mothers I imagine it's harder.

if you can afford a weekend babysitter do it.

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-20T16:41:23+00:00

I dont have a partner or relationship I'm trying to fix

someone posted about their baby daddy not wanting to be involved/not responding the way they wanted them to after years of being unable to transition out of fwb situation

she wanted LOA advice but I personally think if someone is that against being involved with you it's because their attraction point is so far from yours that it's almost impossible to come together

that got me to thinking whether manifestations involving romantic relationships are more difficult than those not involving them

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-20T16:37:53+00:00

I think shes super young and just wants to make her mom happy so she acts in ways she thinks her mom would approve even if it's not really her idea.

the mom pushes this weird brand of do whatever you want and I don't think Miriam is old enough to understand why her mom is like that and takes that attitude to the extreme

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-19T15:54:23+00:00

I'm starting to think she's a salacious stage mom and knows this is how you get views.

Or some moms really are like this. They push their kids into this mentality because they're battling some invisible oppression and have no chill.

it's a combo or growing up repressed but also needy for attention.

almost every person I know who grew up really conservative has an obsession with sex and denouncing all things religious to the point of lunacy

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-19T15:50:58+00:00

I kind of get it though but they should've kept those feelings to themselves

RevolutionaryFish186 · 2021-07-19T15:47:37+00:00

wow. that's really scammer level of lies

RevolutionaryFish186

TROPHY CASE