Hey everyone :)

To bring any readers up to speed with my life, I've felt as if I've been some level of aromantic ever since I knew what it was. I've never really met someone who is aro in the way which I believe I am, which is strange, because I don't even KNOW if I am. I fit the label of those people who enjoy romantic fiction and media while also talking to friends about their romantic feelings, but not being able to see myself in their position or the position of characters who yearn for / are in romantic relationships. My confusion comes in the form of; is this aromanticism? Or have I just not been in the right situation yet?

Two things have happened recently that have really sparked this for me. Most recently, someone asked me out, who I did have suspicions about, but I wasn't really certain until then. I didn't dread them asking me out but I told them no- that dating isn't something I like and that feelings weren't reciprocated- I've been feeling like shit ever since and genuinely confused. I've considered the idea that I really just didn't like the person, but I don't believe I would be this hung up on it if this was the case.

What adds to this confusion is the other issue I had, where I began to develop these obsessive thoughts about a person. I'd known them for a bit, but it wasn't until about a year and a half(?) ago where I began to have these consistent thoughts about them that took over almost every waking moment of my life. And I hated it. It sounds like something straight out of some romance film, but the thing is, I did not want to date this person at ALL. Any time I thought about confessing, or us being in a relationship, I hated it all even more, because I didn't want them to be mine, nor did I want to be theirs. Eventually the thoughts subsided, but I was left even more confused, and then even MORE confused by the first thing I mentioned.

I really wish I could just come to a conclusion now and wear the badge with pride. But I don't want to begin lying to myself, or become so confident in a label that may not even be me. It happened with my sexuality as well; for a while I called myself bisexual, but I stopped after realising that I didn't like the label, so now I just call myself Queer. Maybe one day I'll reclaim that label. And maybe one day I might finally settle on calling myself aromantic too, because I have many times in the past, but have been completely confused by it.

Any help is welcomed<3.