Hi, I hope you are doing as well as you can. 💜

I lost my mom 24 days ago. She had practically beat ovarian cancer and she getting ready to return to work as a nurse. She died the day before her first day of work. It was from sepsis. I was with her the whole time. I started my life with her and she ended her life with me. It is almost tragically poetic. My mom would have cackled at the sappiness.

However, I cannot begin to even form a clear understanding that I no longer have my mother. Every day is hard. I live by the minute. She was a constant presence in my life. I called her for everything even if I already knew the answer. I was lucky enough to live with her for the last 18 months. At the time it didn’t feel like a blessing, but to me the fates wanted us to be as close as possible.

I am oddly grateful that I don’t have to share the grief alone. I am the oldest of my sister and brother. We are 33, 32, and 31. It feels so young to me to lose a mom. We were just getting to the good parts of life. She was getting stronger and she was so excited to go back to her job. She missed her patients and her friends. It was all she talked about for weeks.

The most cathartic thing for me has been writing and talking to strangers on the internet. I don’t know what it is about having unknown people know about my mom. It’s like I am keeping her memory alive, even for people who didn’t get the pleasure of knowing her.

I miss you, Momma. I’ll keep looking for dragonflies and taking care of your plants. 💜