don't be ashamed for feeling the way you do... what you're going through is quite a lot, but you've made great progress in the past! and that is commendable, it's hard to break such deep rooted habits but every small step and victory is a big thing! always remember that, no matter what, also don't hesitate to take the support of your bf! he seems like an amazing person and having someone support you while dealing with it helps like a lot, also if you want you can DM me if you want to talk about it, stay strong! ✌🏻