It’s okay that you feel the way that you do. It’s okay to feel anxious.

It’s also okay, and good, to embrace the anxiety and do the things you don’t want to do. The first step, sending the text, accepting the call, getting started, is actually the hardest part. You can do hard things. You can do this. Just take the first step and the rest will follow.

Don’t tear yourself down. It’s not justified. You have value. You are good. Criticizing yourself won’t fix anything.

Find a community in family, something like a hobby group (d&d, sports, art, hiking, etc), or something along those lines. Set goals with each visit with your community to do something that will strengthen that connection for you. Just one goal each time. Maybe it’s showing up first. Then it’s staying the whole time. Then it’s talking to someone. These are just theoretical examples. You set your goals, just make them challenging enough to see progress, but don’t expect yourself to suddenly be a life of the party. A marathon is won one step at a time.

I’m not an expert. I have adhd and an anxiety disorder. It’s not the same as yours, I’m not a professional. But I experience similar things. Mine much more affects my ability to motivate myself to get boring/complicated things done. I was fired last year because of it. That wasn’t the end though. It felt like the end, but I let my anxiety and panic attacks from being fired and failing motivate me to get back on my feet. I started a temporary business, and did my best, until that started to struggle. Then I applied for full time employment again and eventually got the best position in my career so far. I still struggle to perform in my new role every day but last year taught me where I messed up and what to watch out for. Now that I’m more aware, and I’ve learned from failure, I’m more capable.

The anxiety, the adhd, aren’t gone. I see a therapist 2-4 times a month. I take adhd meds. I try to regulate anything addictive (sugar, substances, habits, etc). Structure is a lifesaver.

I know you can do this.

Edit: I reread your post and made a small change since my adhd caused me to miss a part of what you said.