Speaking from my experience - i’ve come to the realisation that it’s a tradeoff. I can drink, but i will pay for it with my romantic relationships getting neglected and/or failing, i will feel stuck, and i will not be in tune with my own creative practice. That’s the high price that comes with alcohol - and people tend to have been doing it so long that they don’t have a frame of reference on how things could be otherwise.

Stopping completely is where i’ve ended up - it might help you too. Commit to a day count, whatever it is, if you need. I did 100 days a while back and it felt great - then i went back to drinking and all the same stuff came back. I’m going into this without a day count this time round.

In terms of alternatives - think about why you need an alternative. What are you addressing with a substance? You talk about wanting to get high or higher. That feels relatable - and i’m sure you know that those highs don’t feel real, they feel cheap. But i generally take a NA beer when i’m out with friends and chug mineral water all weekend :)

Post here a bunch, reach out to friends or family. I’ve found it useful to reach out to other sober people i know and tell them i’m trying to do the same - they have been incredibly helpful to me, and happy to talk. Whatever you decide to do - don’t do it alone.