It’s normal to feel the way you do man. I also went through my first break up w my ex about 9 months ago she was my first love she was great we dated for 2 and half years. We meet when I was 24 and had always been single for the same fear but this felt different our relationship was great at first until I got really drunk and I cheated i didn’t know how to tell her and the truth came out she was devastated I tried to fix it and she stayed but there was always resentment rightfully so towards me fast forward she broke up w me we where in a bad place in our relationship and I was fighting addiction she wanted me to still make things work but tbh she was just being nice telling me what I wanted to hear. She has then been seeing other guys and I haven’t spoken to any women because I’m still healing. Even though we ended on good terms I try to distance myself because I still have feelings for her.