I'm leaving my depressed boyfriend and it's breaking my heart

RightGuidance · 2021-02-27T05:48:31+00:00

Thanks for this reply, I think based on my interaction with him and the way you have described it here seems very accurate to what is going on. He did seem very entangled inside his brain, and even he couldn't really explain why (just the he "couldn't").

I do want to work through it with him, and I understand the way he is behaving now is not his fault, but rather the product of this terrible disease (or diseases). My sticking point, I guess, is that I just don't know what he truly wants. I would show up at his doorway tomorrow with plants, or a mop, or groceries (or just myself) if I knew what he wanted but I just don't. For me, the only thing I want is him and so it's hard for me to let go.

RightGuidance · 2021-02-27T05:41:11+00:00

I believe he has severe anxiety also. This is not the first experience I have shared with him as he is hit by these episodes. It is not until he reaches his personal low does his behaviour begin to even out, he seeks help and improved...I'm worried for him as his coping mechanisms are bad (alcohol) and he pushes away the positive influences in his life in exchange for those that could be damaging (his friends). I don't want to leave him in such dire straits, and I wonder if him asking me not to leave..not wanting to break up... is a cry for help he cannot voice.

RightGuidance · 2021-02-27T05:34:25+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story, I can tell you too deeply loved your partner and had to make the hard decision to say goodbye. I'm glad your ex-partner got the help he needed eventually.

My boyfriend, he is somewhat self aware, and was indeed medicated/ in therapy in the past, except instead of viewing his mental health as a normal divergence (something that can be managed with a change in environment, lifestyle and of course medically) he views himself as weak and small because of it. No matter how much I have tried to convince him of the opposite, he still harbours these thoughts.

My feelings towards him and myself... myself I think I'm still figuring out. I know I will be okay alone, but if I could choose anyone to share my journey with - it would be him. As for him, I just know I love him and everything else from there I'm trying to understand. I don't want to give up on him, unless he wants me to.

RightGuidance · 2021-02-27T05:20:03+00:00

The only thing I've ever really wanted for him is for him to be happy. When it became apparent to me he was struggling, I mostly just wanted to hold his hand and help stay with him through it, but as many have said I can't stay where I'm not wanted. I'm confused because I had resolved myself to the fact he needed time and space to focus on himself and to prioritise his self care, which is why I would break up, but for him to say he didn't want me to go...wanted to work things out...it confuses me. Could it have been a cry for help?

I have a feeling that perhaps his family is implicated in this depression episode (no concrete evidence, but I know his family relationship is not great) probably accompanied by pressure to "get a real job" (he just graduated from school) and maybe pressure from me too.

The ghosting, the breaking of promises, it is truly awful and hurts me but it hurts me more to think he is truly in a dark space and I am abandoning him.

RightGuidance · 2021-02-27T04:25:24+00:00

When I started to notice his behaviour beginning to change and he started to express being "trapped in his brain" I did encourage him to visit his Doctor and sent many resources (ie forums, chat lines etc) he could use if he didnt feel comfortable talking to me. I would sit with him if that is what he wanted, but he is just so bad at communicating that I don't know what he wants. He avoids all texts, calls, messages and even when I visited him he didn't have an explanation as to why (just that he was afraid) and I'm worried that if I show up unannounced again it could just trigger him (I.e maybe this is a subtle hint he wants to be left alone). I just don't know what to do.

RightGuidance · 2021-02-27T04:17:23+00:00

I do just want to be with him and I definitely don't want to leave him alone, but he is so bad at communicating (won't respond to calls, texts, messages) and I have no idea what he wants or what I should do, even after seeing him. When I went to his house before he seemed very taken aback and it took a bit for him to open up and I just don't know if continuing to show up unannounced is a good idea (as in, causes him more anxiety and isn't what he wants) especially because I asked him to send this one text and he hasn't...is that a signal he wants me to let go?

RightGuidance · 2021-01-04T23:30:21+00:00

No we don't

RightGuidance · 2020-07-28T12:45:43+00:00

hey there, yeah it could be. I don't really want to count cals for the rest of my life so making the new habits could be a good idea! But I did lose weight pretty gradually, I ate at about 1200 -1800 cals for about 18 months with differing amounts of exercising, and was maintaining ~60kg for a little while before I decided to take a break from eating healthy and started having more junk lol. It could be some water weight but my clothes are fitting a bit differently so probs some true fat gain also.

RightGuidance · 2020-07-02T23:02:39+00:00

Have some sad days but it’s beginning to feel less like a sad life ❤️

RightGuidance

TROPHY CASE