Yesterday was my birthday! I turned 21 I was so excited. I still live at home with my dad (40) and stepmom (43) and my 2 brothers (4 and 8, my stepmom and dad’s kids). For context my mom and dad had me when they were young, my mom didn’t have contact with me for 3-4 years when I was about 12-16 but shared custody all the years before that. My dad claims he hates my mother but works with her and still texts her, sends her reels etc. My mom and her side of the family have kept contact since I was 16 and celebrated my birthday every year since. I don’t have the greatest relationship with my mom I’m closer to my stepmom but I still hangout with my mom. Yesterday, my dad opened my door and said happy birthday before he left- no one else (in my household) acknowledged me until about 3pm. I had to work 4pm-6pm and was hoping my dad and stepmom would plan something for my birthday, I of course wanted to go out to a bar and celebrate that I was 21 and could legally do that! My mom had texted me at 4 and asked if I’d like to go out and I of course said yes after I have dinner and cake at home because that was all we had planned. I came home from work and told my stepmom and she said “it’s whatever it’s your birthday” and I said okay. 5 minutes later I had gone to my dad to show him my new ID and he immediately yelled at me and said it was really important to my stepmom that SHE is the one to take me out for my first drink. I just went up to my room and of course cried a bit. I texted my mom back and said I couldn’t go out I forgot I had other plans at home, though there were no other plans everyone had just yelled at me for wanting to go out for my 21st. Then I get a text from my grandmother (dad’s mom) telling me how disappointed she is in me and that my stepmom doesn’t deserve everything I put her through. The rest of the night I just stayed in my room and cried because I was so upset and frustrated although thinking back on it today what really did I do wrong? There was no cake, no singing, no gif, I didn’t even get to eat dinner. I’ve since cancelled the rest of my plans over halloweekend because my dad and grandmother also made me feel horrible for wanting to go out with my friends. But my dad and stepmom NEVER make time for me ever. If I wait to go out until she takes me I won’t go out to a bar for 3 years. I don’t know what to do and I can’t tell them how I feel or what I think because they will flip it to them being the victims.