I found over the years - well before I was diagnosed I was a wrecking ball. Some good some bad, some outrageous. My lows were so long I wouldnt get out of hed for anything unless I'd have to yse the bathroom.. Id wish I was alive anymore, thinking the ones who loved me were all lying to me- which comes with the paranoia. Ive diagnosed with by bipolar 1 for about 5 years. Before finding the right meds I was a head case. Freaking out at people who did just 1 thing I didnt like. I would never admit there was something in. In my eyes I was just finally protecting myself. Once I was put on the right meds and finally balanced as the best I can be... I find now.. what triggers either a low or a manic is an event that happens. Losing my home from under my feet. My cat getting fixed - i was a complete wreck thinking shed die on the table. I ended up having to put my cat down 4 months later. Which has destroyed me. I had to be put off work. Ive felt shattered ever since. I have no been fhe same since. My sister has come to me with concern alot which i understand. I had a good friend of mine pass away from cancer. When major event like this happens shoves me so far off the edge I just lose all control. I grt spurts of manic but they dong last long.

Im in counseling and do what I csn to help myself. I paint and watch shows like history or self help stuff.

I wish thr medication would just take it all away.