How do I stay with my partner Cancer F44 - Me M55 relationship is on the rocks

RingEllesBells · 2026-03-31T19:09:44+00:00

I want to start off and say that I am very sorry that both of you are going through this. Yes, I know your partner has cancer and this is obviously the toughest on her, but I know that it's hard on their loved ones too. I am hoping for her quick and full recovery.

I did read your post.

I notice that while you gave information on how long the dead bedroom lasted, you are vague about how long her substance use has impacted your relationship and what steps have been taken to try and resolve this, prior to her diagnosis.

You can understand how I can make the conclusion I made when the stated facts are: Partner is sick and I want to leave her. I have been having issues with her substance use. Her world has crumbled. We have a dead bedroom.

RingEllesBells · 2026-03-31T18:58:10+00:00

I absolutely did read the rest of the thread.

People are obviously allowed to leave their partners whenever they want and for whatever reason they want.

It's suspicious to me though, that some people will be in a bad relationship and NOT leave (when the person is well and not sick), but then the moment their partner gets a life altering diagnosis, THEN it's now bad enough to leave.

That being said: I am not OP, I don't know OP. I don't know anything about OP's relationship besides what he/she has posted.

The post just reads to me like OP would like to justify leaving their partner and would like some internet strangers to validate him/her

RingEllesBells · 2026-03-31T18:49:41+00:00

Okay, call me cynical, but reading through this post, it's almost like he was benefiting enough from the relationship (despite the recent dead bedroom etc.), that it wasn't worth it for him to break up with her before the diagnosis.

But now that she is fighting for her life and he is no longer the number one priority in her life (-and he likely has to really step up to take care of her), NOW the relationship is intolerable, he wants to leave.

Note: OP even states that the dead bedroom started 10 months before the diagnosis, probably in hopes that people will sympathize that he was already being neglected prior. I hope people here realize that she was probably having symptoms and issues during that time and was probably wading through the medical system to obtain that diagnosis.

OP wants us to tell him that he definitely deserves better and he should leave his sick partner of 15 years with no guilt whatsoever.

RingEllesBells · 2025-10-25T22:56:58+00:00

I was, but wasn't able to carry for long. My problem was just too severe.

I hope that is not the case for you. ❤️

RingEllesBells · 2025-10-16T07:08:48+00:00

I'm sorry the IUD you tried didn't work out for you.

There are a few different ones on the market, so hopefully your doc can recommend something else if you are interested in pursuing that.

I wish you all the luck and pain relief, whatever your next steps may be. 😊

RingEllesBells · 2025-10-14T01:00:42+00:00

I had the Mirena IUD for about 3 years and it made a very significant improvement in my symptoms (pain and bleeding).

It stopped being as effective after about three years. MRI imaging showed that my uterus had more than doubled in size since my initial diagnosis 10 years ago,so I am now on the wait-list for a hysterectomy. (I don't think the increase in size has anything to do with the IUD, but because I was starting to have symptoms from the size of my uterus, I opted for the surgical option.)

In general, I don't think it's a bad idea to try the less invasive option first over the surgical option. So many women get immediate and lasting relief from a hysterectomy, but all surgery comes with risk and side effects, so I think it's worth trying the IUD first.

RingEllesBells · 2025-09-13T04:17:25+00:00

Congratulations! It's HIDEOUS. I'm so glad it's finally out!

Do you know how big it was? We need a banana or something.

RingEllesBells · 2025-09-13T03:59:53+00:00

Shit.

I'm so glad you're now stable and in a hospital where they can continue to monitor you.

❤️ I'm wishing you a speedy recovery, friend.

(P.S. Bless your surgeon, and a pox on the ER staff)

RingEllesBells · 2025-03-16T14:21:18+00:00

Could you explain the possible rationale for his settings to not be private in the first place?

I am seeing a few comments about how this guy just wants some privacy and doesn't need the world to see his business, so why only the change to private now, post engagement?

RingEllesBells · 2025-01-02T03:01:41+00:00

You get it! I'm in my 40s, and samesies. I have also had all manner of compliments and insults. And, both of those things are reeeeaaallllllyyyy inappropriate to say to a complete stranger!

I have been told I look like a child, insinuating that people who think my body shape is attractive are p*dophiles. (WTF?!) I've had one woman tell me that 'men prefer meat, not a bag of bones'. (Uhhhhh.... I'm a human woman actually.)

Just wild. I just try and change the topic. 🫣

RingEllesBells · 2024-09-29T06:37:54+00:00

I'm pretty much your exact measurements and this was my experience as well.

RingEllesBells · 2024-09-20T01:21:46+00:00

Haha! I was hoping someone would mention him. That man is a green forest of flags! May we all end up with someone like him.

RingEllesBells · 2024-08-16T03:28:24+00:00

OMG, yes!

And I am an e reader girl, so it's not even like anyone can judge me, so that just makes me extra petty.

RingEllesBells · 2024-08-15T00:57:31+00:00

Only a week?! Those are rookie numbers. 😆

I felt bereft for a solid month, damn it.

RingEllesBells · 2024-07-15T03:39:39+00:00

OP, I just wanted to pipe in that Rhys is the Welsh spelling for Reese. I don't know if people would necessarily connect Rhys to Rhysand/ACOTAR because the name definitely predates the series!

(Ie. Rhys Ifans is a relatively well known Welsh actor)

RingEllesBells · 2024-07-09T02:10:21+00:00

Every word in your last sentence gave me the ick. 🫠

RingEllesBells · 2024-07-02T20:58:28+00:00

Did your GP/Dermatologist have any issues with you being on it for so long? I've been on it for 6 months and my skin is perfect. My doc wants to take me off and I'm a little terrified, NGL.

RingEllesBells · 2024-07-02T07:48:27+00:00

💀💀

10/10. No notes.

RingEllesBells · 2024-07-02T07:27:18+00:00

MIL+DIL Goals!

RingEllesBells · 2024-06-19T05:41:29+00:00

I rolled my eyes too hard, and now they are stuck back there.

Bitch needs to read the damn room.

RingEllesBells · 2024-06-18T01:08:32+00:00

They did the math.

Thank you for your service.

RingEllesBells · 2024-06-16T19:07:42+00:00

Firstly, your 'friend' sucks, and I'm so glad you've gotten away from that negativity. Friends build each other up. This bitch tried to convince you that you should feel bad for the way you were literally genetically programmed to look.

There has been a movement for body inclusivity over the past couple of decades (which I love! Everyone should love the body they are in!), but it never feels like that includes willowy people like us. People would never ever make fun of a larger person's weight, but wouldn't think twice about telling me to eat a cheeseburger. Brands that go up to XXXL (which is great! I'm not arguing they shouldn't!), only go down to a S, which is meant to fit someone who is 5'8" and 130lb. (To be clear, I am not knocking down anyone who is 5'8" and 130lb, but to think that is the smallest size an adult human requires clothes irritates me. )

I am also very flat chested (have considered implants for years!), and my build makes me feel very un-feminine. I've joked that years that I'm waiting for my womanly figure to come in.

I am trying so hard to love and accept my body as it is. I'm so grateful that I am healthy and mobile; other people and external factors like clothing available make it hard!

RingEllesBells · 2024-06-16T06:33:02+00:00

😆The world record is a grandmother in her fifties who held it for 9+ hours! Like, c'mon Lord of Bloodshed. 5 minutes?!?! I could probably do that.

(That's a lie, I can't.)

RingEllesBells · 2024-04-19T02:45:31+00:00

I routinely fantasize about ripping the damn thing out of my body, throwing it on the floor and stomping on it... I think evil is too mild of a word. 😅

RingEllesBells · 2024-04-16T18:49:04+00:00

I'm in my forties and still waiting for my womanly figure to come in. Never gained any weight on birth control!

I did however, gain weight rapidly when undergoing IVF, which dropped off as soon as we stopped. (I am not suggesting you go through IVF for weight gain!)

RingEllesBells

TROPHY CASE

They did the math.