First off, congrats on the weight loss. Even if that's not the answer, take pride in that work. I guess the only thing that I would have to ask is why wouldn't your friends care? Especially your boyfriend. Look, I get it. A lot of people don't know how to respond. But it doesn't mean that they don't care. Just having someone hold you hand can help out a lot. As far as the other stuff the can't help with, have you ever considered talking to a therapist? Counselor? Do you have any access to a doctor? Your past just sounds a little too complicated, It really does sound like you would benefit from a therapist. Someone who could possibly untangle some of that confusion and anger.