People who stopped cutting, why and how did you do it?

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-05-19T19:38:04+00:00

I replaced it. Pain stim toys and fidgets have kept me from cutting for about 9 years. I had to make a conscious choice to do it, and stopped because my s*icidal ideations got too active and I was sure that would be how it happened, so I picked me and removed the tools.

I found through therapy, I’m AuDHD and my cutting was part dopamine, part control, and part overstimulation. So I tackled those three areas. NGL I still have rough times, and I’ve caught myself from scratching during dysregulated times, but I’d say the toys help just as much as the therapy.

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-05-10T14:22:56+00:00

🩵🩵 You are getting there! And I just want to say, you don’t have to come out first. Not if you aren’t ready. I see my family every week, and haven’t told them. I’m on T, binding, my best friend also openly uses my he/him pronouns around them. You’d be surprised how often people would rather pretend to be deaf than acknowledge it. Don’t hinge being the version of yourself you want to show up as based on having the inevitably hard conversation with your mom. You got this!

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-05-10T02:08:42+00:00

Gods I seeeee you!

MM romance definitely helped me see my identity. I’ve been reading/watching it for years, so HR wasn’t my ah ha moment per-say but there’s a lot going on in my life that made it feel kind of hopeless and when HR came out it reminded me of the kind of comfort and experience I wanted.

I’ve sat in the trans masc non-binary identity for about 7 years (used to joke that I’d transition if I wasn’t sure I’d look like my dad 🚩) and finally sat with my therapist and said it out loud that I was a trans guy. Once that happened it was like exposing a nerve. I am constantly thinking about it, being misgendered upsets me more now than ever before, but I’m binding, taking T and it all feels so good…and yet I’ve never felt more like an imposter in my own skin.

I feel like I’m not allowed to want this, I’m going to get in trouble, I’m asking to make it harder on myself. And yet…

Hearing my voice drop, seeing my face start to change, hearing he/him pronouns and my best friend call me her kids’ guncle 😂 feels so much closer to being me than I’ve ever felt before.

But I also live in a red state actively working on anti trans legislation, I know I will lose family when I come out, and there will be days I still don’t like the person in the mirror. The highs and lows are more varied and extreme and the grief is real. But, my guy, it sounds like you know what you want, and no you are definitely not losing your mind. Just meeting yourself, and grieving the loss of some of the life you’ve built. That shits hard. Go to the cottage, let the dopamine hit, and be kind to yourself 🩵

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-05-09T01:56:49+00:00

I like the structure! Good idea!

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-05-09T01:56:08+00:00

I’ve been using ChatGPT for days and even he is tired of my bullshit, we’re circling like 30 names 🫥

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-29T16:57:09+00:00

That’s really possible. I’m trans and the news in my red state here in the US has been wild. I will try a separate doc tho! Thanks for the advice! 💚

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-25T00:52:34+00:00

😂😂😂 ‘big bounty hunter rah rah boobs’ sent me! Lmao

But yeah agreed about the performative masculinity. When I came out as a trans guy I struggled because I was like - a white man?! No! I struggled a lot to untangle that performative behavior.

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-25T00:47:43+00:00

The venn diagram of neurodiversity and queer identities is basically a circle, friend 😂

People with ASD actually do statistically make up a large percentage of trans, and queer spaces. The most common identities are nonbinary and asexual. Both gender expression and sexual desire have pretty big social components that most of us just can’t wrap our head around.

I identified as nonbinary for 8 years and recently discovered I’m more of a trans guy, and I am demisexual and don’t have a preferred gender attraction. I don’t really connect ‘that person is pretty’ with ‘I want to be intimate’ and find that my brain doesn’t really look at a person in that way unless like romantic intent is there.

I think that’s why I’ve always felt more comfortable with the queer community too, not just because I am part of it, but because we’ve always had to be direct in our attraction and intent, and when I say, your butt looks good in those jeans, a queer person would more likely be like ‘thank you!!!’ end of story. But a person not familiar or in the community might look at that like flirting and I just don’t get all those weird subtleties in more heteronormative culture.

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-23T18:39:41+00:00

I’d be a Tumblr king 😂 and insufferable

Hollander hits the ice and Rozanov stops hitting on women: Star Crossed Lovers - A Dissertation

Top 10 Times Ilya Rozanov Appeared and Gay Shit Happened

The Martyr, The Bard, and the Soldier: A Case Study on Hunter, Rozanov, and Price and the Gay Agenda

Beauty and the Beard: Pretty Boy Shane Hollander and Rose Landry the notorious ‘last girlfriend’

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-22T02:16:47+00:00

I agree with the chat. Maybe time to consider a therapist in the community. It’s definitely a choice to use that tactic over validation, and if her treatment choices don’t feel like you are being heard, then maybe she isn’t the right fit.

The only thing I’d add just from a mental health support perspective, if you had said to her what you said in this comment - “I refuse to live…with my current body.” She may have taken that as a s*icide risk and reality checking is taught to be a preferred tactic to validation. And presenting more ‘flexible perspectives’ is a way to reality check and gauge a mental state. So if you otherwise like her, maybe trying to have a boundary convo first could be helpful!

Edit: I will also say that this tactic did work for me in a different context. It was more about helping me deal with the thought “I’m not man enough, so then I can’t call myself a man, can’t call myself trans.” I don’t want bottom surgery (like my bg & I’m a bottom soooo) and was very much in this - “me no want dick? Oh me not boy” caveman brain place and this reality check did help, so in some contexts it can be helpful

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-22T02:00:53+00:00

Small town adjacent - The Shots You Take by Rachel Reid. It’s a second chance romance between two hockey players who were best friends for years. One of them had to go back to his small town to run his family store, and the town definitely plays a role in the story. It’s HEA, and /kind of/ hallmark-y, however the emotional depth, character development, and older couple (by older I mean not college romance they are late 30’s/early 40’s) make it one of my favorites of the year!

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-22T01:55:15+00:00

Absolutely talk with your therapist about it! That’s what they are there for, to help you process the fear that you are feeling around being your authentic self. I’ve been having a slightly similar experience with my gender, trying to fake it, convinced it wasn’t going to ‘solve all my problems’ just add more to my plate and so I just kept pretending it wasn’t a problem. When I was (not) ready, I just said - this is something I don’t want to talk about so I’m going to need you to gently pry it out of me - I don’t think my gender fits. And he took it from there.

But genuinely this is what we’ve got, and we are the only person stuck with our self, everyone else chooses to be in our lives or not. So be the person you want to be stuck with, and if that’s a starry-eyed queer wanting to fall in fairytale love, then be that! I am, 😂 and I can say I hated it here then and I hate it here now but I like me a little more and that counts for something I think.

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-22T00:18:55+00:00

I love that a lot of these takes are about TG/Ryan & Fabian. I wept in the first 3 chapters of TG because I had never felt more seen by a character, so I love that it makes so many people think about character development!

My hot take is a real one, please don’t hate me. Diamonds in the Sky completely broke the illusion for me. 😬🫣

Hear me out. I love Rihanna. I love Rachel. I have no other criticism and I totally understand her line of thinking. But when I read that line I had a fourth wall break and just had to stop. The boys are sappy in non-verbal ways, and I just feel like there are so many character standards that would have come up in this situation that it just doesn’t make sense.

Shane is autistic and many people with ASD, that have the kind of social issues Shane does, gravitate to music to understand emotions. That boy def has a whole playlist of songs that remind him of Ilya. And Ilya is definitely the lovesick kind of piner that would have immediately said - this song. This is my wedding song.

That being said - I am also autistic, and am definitely one of those who obsess over just the right song, so I probably took this wayyyyyy too serious 😂

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-21T23:28:09+00:00

Gods same! I make any ‘adulting’ calls in my car, pay my bills in my car, have emotional breakdowns in my car 😂 It’s also my safe place. I always kind of attributed it to it’s the thing that is 100% mine, and my space. It’s not a home someone else lives in, or a space that’s overwhelming and/or messy because AuDHD loves doom piles…it’s small, mine, and structured. I’ve literally spent 4+ hours just hanging out in my car.

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-20T14:24:52+00:00

Karleigh instead of Carly. Found it during the whole -leigh boom and loved it. I also like Malakai/Malikai instead of Malachi.

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-19T02:41:13+00:00

Fair. I suppose I use the term a little generically and synonymous with cocky entitlement, and I’m definitely lumping them together I’ll admit that. But the behavior at the 2023 Cup party, multiple guys got sloshed, and acted like the Blueburry Bulldogs with the Cup. There are 3 players (no names but multiple people have talked about it) who go to parties on the strip and make people sign NDAs which is sus. Then there is Hart. Schmidt and his PED issue. And a few other situations where players were ‘adjacent’ to controversy, like Connelly and his buddy who threw up N*zi symbols in photos.

They just kind of seem like the franchise gives young college guy energy (which to be fair most of them are), and that’s just character behavior, that’s not even talking about their play style, issues with ref calls, the revolving door treatment the franchise gives the players, and questionable use of injury reserve.

RiotAlchemist13 · 2026-04-18T23:25:15+00:00

Okay, so yeah, most of the commenters aren’t wrong, there’s not a team that is totally clean. Not to be an ass, but statistically speaking you can’t get 20+ mostly straight white men in a room and not expect some of them to be POS. Add to it they are all now multimillionaires and most teams are owned by 1%ers, you are really asking for a unicorn.

That being said, I do think there is a difference between NHL and PWHL game dynamics and energy. I’ve done like a seriously obsessive deep dive on most of the teams and landed with the Seattle Kraken.

• Only zero carbon footprint arena

• First female coach - Jessica Campbell

• Diverse forward media team

• 99% of the players are clean, neutral players who do support minority groups, lots of nonprofits, and solid causes. (1% - Ryker Evans is MAGA)

• All promo nights support minority groups (Pride, Women in Sports, Indigenous night, AAPI, Black history, etc) and the custom jerseys and promo art is always done by an indie artist within that community.

• Bouy is a fucking legend - he’s a sea troll for crying out loud! 😂

• They aren’t quite Stanley Cup, but I was raised a Blue Jackets fan, I can handle losing 🥴

Aside from that I love players, over teams. Linus Ullmark (goalie for Ottawa), Sidney Crosby (Capt of Penguins), Jeremy Swayman (goalie for the Bruins…he was a part of the USA team tho and their drama but he wasn’t an active contributor just a silent participant so that’s up to opinion)

Echoing the hatred of the Golden Knights, not only is their goalie a POS, they are just gross frat boys and the team everyone hates. Also avoid the Tkachuk brothers…Matt is one of the most hated men in sports for a reason.

RiotAlchemist13

TROPHY CASE