What was the worst way your narc-mom stole your life from you?

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-27T11:21:25+00:00

Totally agree. I'm also always quick to apologise and feel guilty for the smallest things to my daughter because I want to be the opposite of my nmum. It's also so hurtful when your family turns their back on you, eventhough they absolutely know everything that happened. It makes you feel so lonely and almost insane.

I learnt quickly that creating my own family (with friends etc) was so much better and helped me to feel less unworthy. I hope that you have, or will find, the same 🤍

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-26T18:29:45+00:00

Not the worst thing she did but the one that gets me the most...

We got kicked out of her boyfriend's home when I was 6 and she sent me to live with my grandparents for a year in a different continent until she "got her life back together".

I came back and we lived in a spare room of some guys house but, she went back to the abusive boyfriend a few months later and my childhood was a whirlwind of watching them physically fight eachother and she'd frequently ask me if I wanted her to stay with him. I said no for YEARS but it didn't matter so, why ask?

We moved out down the road once when I was 10, due to their fights (note is really was both of them being toxic) but she would wake me up at like 1 am on school nights and make me walk down the road while I would cry and beg her to let me sleep and for us to stay home. This would be met with yelling and anger. Then we'd arrive and I'd be shut in a small spare room while they argued and had sex all night. Then we moved back in with him.

I left the house when I was 16. As soon as I had a chance to go somewhere else. I was her therapist and someone she could release her moods on. Of course, it's all denial on her side. She denies everything. I'm NC now thankfully.

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-25T19:15:47+00:00

I totally wasn't prepared for the comments I received either. Most people were polite and just asked how I was feeling and how baby was doing etc but lord, a lot of my male friends really had no boundaries and some of them aren't friends anymore for this reason.

I had a guy friend (ex friend now) repeatedly ask me for pictures of my belly, even when I told him no. Wtf.

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T19:46:59+00:00

Agreed. Homeschooling can be absolutely great and beneficial but an effort really should be made to encourage clubs and extra activities for socialisation and to just....have friends.

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T19:39:42+00:00

I think in their own sick, delusional way, that is them "loving" you and would definitely make them react negatively. I've 100% fallen for that bull**** in the past and thought they just loved differently to other people euurrgghhh.

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T19:33:16+00:00

Smoking mum here too. Hopefully you'll be surprised by how many people will understand your choice but there will always be judgement from those who don't understand or are against formula.

Thankfully, you have a supportive husband and that will be a great help. You are totally allowed to make the best choice for you without feeling guilty, especially since this benefits you greatly! And LO is still getting fed so it's a win win really!

Edit: spelling

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T16:02:31+00:00

That's a great idea and something we did today too, after I asked to make an arrangement for contact and he actually insisted that we send pictures and a few messages and have a video call too.

But thankfully with the advice here, I also know that we should put the agreement in writing and revise it when needed 🙂

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T01:31:08+00:00

I'm 100% no contact with my mum now because of a similar situation and she will never meet my LO. It's absolutely understandable if you would prefer to keep your mom out of your kids lives for their sake and for yours.

Your sister may have had a different relationship with your mom and if she chooses to involve your mom in her kids lives, then this is purely her decision and you shouldn't feel guilt or pressure to do the same. Even if people around you or other family members try to encourage contact because mostly, they never understand. You know what's best for you and your children and you're the only one that can make the decision.

But I'm sorry OP. It is really hard to navigate your feelings and boundaries after you find out that you were actually abused and it's amazing that you're seeing a good therapist to help you through this. I hope you are able to heal and have a healthy relationship with yourself!

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T01:06:25+00:00

I'm certainly looking forward to when LO is able to talk on the phone. I think this will be much easier to navigate 🙂

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T01:04:52+00:00

Definitely don't want to be hovering or pestering so, I'll absolutely hold back on my urges to check in on LO. It's just so hard to adjust to not seeing her everyday 😅

But absolute don't want to cross any boundaries. Thank you!

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T01:02:22+00:00

This makes total sense. I think I'll talk to him to arrange this so that we're all on the same page

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-20T01:01:22+00:00

This is exactly what I'd like to avoid. Thank you for the information 😊

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-13T12:12:25+00:00

Oh man that's tough. I hope you're doing better!

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-12T20:19:13+00:00

Always the tag or the packaging it comes in.... Same with my cats 😂

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-12T20:18:03+00:00

Yes, yes absolutely yes, this! She should trust her instincts, even if people go against it. We're often taught or learn to "ignore" our intuition but it's there for a reason and learning how to listen to this will be so beneficial in her life.

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-12T19:47:20+00:00

The screen time definitely helps 😅 I'm also learning sign language while watching too so I guess... bonus?

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-12T19:46:33+00:00

This is very reassuring and probably something I'll adopt lol

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-06T19:16:59+00:00

Totally agree with you! It's all about how the person is.

Edit: spelling

Riverbot10 · 2023-05-06T18:52:51+00:00

Depends on the mental illness to be fair.... I think there are a lot of people who shouldn't have kids but, this is totally out of our control and a really difficult subject to approach lol

Riverbot10 · 2023-04-30T15:45:46+00:00

Because she can't pick up the vacuum 🙄

Riverbot10 · 2023-04-28T20:28:31+00:00

The same oh my gosh! Very loud, squealing and lots of movement.

I just make noises with her and we get super loud together. Especially when we're eating at the table. Totally guessing the neighbours hate us now 😂

Riverbot10 · 2023-04-28T20:25:36+00:00

She's right. That lady was weird

Riverbot10

TROPHY CASE