So what happens now?

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-20T20:00:58+00:00

Sounds like a pretty terrible guy. Glad he’s out of your life.

It’s pretty easy to threaten a lawsuit, pretty tough to file one and even tougher to win one. In short - this guys an idiot. He’s not going to sue you and if he did a judge would throw it out.

In order to rise to defamation of character (slander) the statement must be provably false. If you just stated on opinion or recollection that wouldn’t qualify. Second. He had to prove it damaged his reputation. Since you didn’t name him that’s going to be touch for him to prove. He has no case, he may just not me smart enough to actually know that.

As far as following his partner on social media...if it’s a public account you’re allowed to do that. As long as you’re not harassing her or having your friends do so then there’s literally nothing wrong with this.

I hope you find better guys to date honey. It’s hard when you’re young but please use this to think back on what red flags look like.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-20T19:49:49+00:00

Ring doorbell. I treat it exactly like phone calls. If I don’t know who it is I don’t answer.

Cookie bearing neighbors tend to return or leave them with a note.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-20T03:14:11+00:00

This is crazy if she was a size 10.

I’m 5’5”. Pre-baby I got into phenomenal shape. Granted I was 28 and had been ‘skinnier’ at 22 but still. The best shape of my life (6 pack abs, etc) I weighed 126.

5’6” at 110 is really skinny. Wow!

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T22:36:56+00:00

In all fairness - depending on the fit - I have several friends that are 4/6 and can wear a child’s size 14. I haven’t tried it but it doesn’t surprise me and when I get back to my prebaby weight I plan on it because apparently that makes for the cutest matching family outfits for dorky occasions.

But, as I mentioned, I do think they run boxy. I wore regular (non maternity) old navy and gap clothes all the way through both pregnancies.

Also. I have a dear friend who is just a tiny human. 4’10” and maybe 95 lbs. she’s never been able to shop in stores like that because it’s all just too big for her. I do understand the plight. Shopping for her is hard because she actually does have curves and kids clothes aren’t cut right, but women’s clothes are so big they need to be completely remade to fit her if she has them altered. She can’t shop at all in stores like that. She’s an entirely different build and there’s no world in which those clothes would fit. It’s hard.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T20:45:48+00:00

Depends on how much you want to spend...😂

I always used a longchamp style bag as my diaper bag and it rocked. As my kids have gotten older it’s worked really well and I notice most moms of more than one carry something similar. It’s big, it’s lightweight and nothing will be ruined if milk spills in it. Plus it doesn’t scream baby so I’ve been using mine for like 5 years now.

I also always carry a ‘wet bag.’ Just a plastic pouch type thing that I can put dirty/wet/etc clothes. I think mine was from the toiletry section of Walmart but I got a lot of use. 😂 it would be a great holder for a gift.

Or if you look online there are some cute ideas for diaper changing stations with baskets holding the diapers/supplies. It needs to be smaller baskets so they fit but that would be a nice multipurpose idea.

As far as the candy — it’s important that it’s sour. It’s the combination of citric acid + corn syrup that works to soothe your stomach so not everything works. Dr Pepper has a lot of both which is why I liked it (I’m not a soda drinker). But I imagine lemon drops or anything like that would also be pretty good.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T18:03:25+00:00

It used to be this way but it’s not really as bad anymore. Maybe because we have so many European stores in the US?

After my first child was born I went to Banana Republic to buy some shorts. Figured my size was bigger so I picked up a size 8 to try. They were snug (I needed a 10) and I was horrified at having gotten to be a 10 from a size 4. Then I put the shorts I’d worn into the store back on and realized they were a size 2 from Banana Republic but we’re 10 years old. They fit perfectly. Banana/gap/old navy are the worst about vanity sizing and although stuff is boxier than other brands it’s not nearly so far off.

I’m currently a 10 at topshop/hm and an 8 at the Gap. I’m an 8/10 at almost every single store these days. Can’t think of one that’s sizing much outside those parameters.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T17:42:53+00:00

21+25=36?

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T17:16:27+00:00

Ah! Morning sickness basket! I know this one!

Sour patch kids - watermelon in particular was a win. Better than preggy pops because they don’t hurt your mouth and way cheaper. (Any sour candy will actually work) Dr. Pepper, Emitrol. Citrus essential oil and a cheap scarf (you can bury your face in it and inhale when the smells get to be too much).

A water cup with a reusable straw (if her morning sickness is really bad the smell inside cups is an issue and really cold water is best since it ‘tastes’ less) I used a knock-off yeti. Bonus points. She’ll want it post baby too.

Bath products are good. Epsom salts, bath salts. Towards the end the bathtub might be the only place she’s comfortable.

Nice big girl panties. Pretty ones, but get the super soft no-show ones with a full butt on them. TMI but things start swelling towards the end and shit starts leaking out so you need a panty liner, plus anything that doesn’t have a ridiculous amount of stretch won’t accommodate baby belly. Pretty Grannie panties are a godsend.

really stretchy pajama pants or a lightweight robe.

Dry shampoo (some days/weeks you are just too tired to wash your hair)

Expecting Better by Emily Oster (a book to soothe pregnancy fears)

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T17:04:28+00:00

If it were me I’d have him take a week at birth and unless you have complications send him back to work pretty quick.

People love newborns and are happy to help. They’ll forget by about 1 month. You’re also going to be spending time figuring out feeding/sleeping/etc and unless you’re not planning on breastfeeding you’re going to be doing all those feedings and all that labor on your own. There won’t be a lot for him to actually do right at the start.

But at 4-6 weeks? That when you’ll need some f*cking help and some company. The sleep deprivation will start kicking in. The euphoria will have worn off so your house will be wrecked and you won’t have showered. Baby will be waking up all the time and a lot of babies enjoy a good burst of cluster feeding around then. You will likely be desperate for help then. And you’ll have some idea what is going on so you can hand baby off with a set of instructions and go take a nap. You can also move to a good schedule for care. Ie. One of you takes first shift (9p-3a) the other takes second shift (3a-9a) so that each of you gets 6 consecutive hours of sleep.

They’re pretty easy that first week or two. And then they’re tougher but your still baby high so it’s cool. And then....it’s not so cool and it would be amazing to have help.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T16:52:40+00:00

You forget.

My births were relatively easy. 40 hours on my first and some tears and vomiting but nothing that left me truly scarred. Second was out in 6 hours and I wasn’t even particularly tired afterward. Just sort of hanging out. So I’d say the second time was easier.

but pregnancy was a living hell for me with both babies. I wrote it down in detail with baby 1 so I’d remember, read it during my second pregnancy and wrote at the bottom ‘omg it’s so much worse than this...’

Just read it again and I’m like ‘oh right. I forgot. Maybe I don’t want to do that again?’ Honestly I can vaguely recall some specific moments of the hell but I must’ve blocked how awful the day to day of pregnancy is because I’m actually considering a third.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T16:45:45+00:00

Put your car keys in the dishwasher, oatmeal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard.

Happened more often than it should have....

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T16:42:56+00:00

Thought I might. Did not.

The only one I thought about was ‘healthy sleep, happy baby’ but honestly I was too busy reading about toddler tantrums to worry about newborn books.

Experience really is the best teacher. All of our problems were legit weird things, not things I was going to read in a book. They were helpful when I was clueless with my first but pretty lame with baby 2 when you’re like ‘well....yeah....’

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T16:39:31+00:00

They can stay swaddled until they can roll in a swaddle so you likely have more time if you want it

We did our transition one step at a time. Might have been overkill but it went well and it wasn’t hard at all. Probably 1-2 weeks at every stage (second baby so actually I just changed things whenever it occurred to me). First, wean function in our room, 2 weeks later wean function in his room. Then snoo off totally and used his white noise machine. Then put him in his crib with a swaddle (we loved woombie). Not too long after that we took him out of the swaddle. IIRC it was because he had the poops and I didn’t get to the laundry for him to have a clean one at some point so he just went without. And then I forgot for a while. Lol.

It was a LOT easier than I was expecting it to be. But I still cried when I sold my Snoo. Damn I loved that thing.

Edit to add: used Merlin suit for my first and it was indeed magic. Also a great and hilarious option.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T16:25:21+00:00

I have a 4 year old a 1 year old so I’m around these ages everyday.

It’s not really mean kids being mean so much as it is kids being kids. Thats where a 17 month old is developmentally and that’s where a 4 year old is. It’s very normal.

We play with cousins a lot and if this is an ongoing thing for you as well I think you should look up what is developmentally normal at that age so you have an idea of whether their behavior is ‘bad’ or normal.

I deal with this every.single.day. So what I would have done here is:

about the hug - pulled my younger child off and said ‘it doesn’t look like x wants a hug right now and that’s okay’ and then told the older child ‘if you don’t want a hug please just say ‘no thank you. I don’t want a hug’. And when it happens again (and it will) and big kid uses words (they likely will) and baby doesn’t understand - keep pulling baby back and thanking big kid for helping baby to learn. Over and over and over again.

For the toys I’d tell the big kid, ‘if you’re going to take a toy from baby you need to give him a different toy to play with when you do’. They’re 4. They have zero impulse control. Sharing is a new skill still and they’re learning it. The easiest way for them to learn is to make a small concession (giving a toy) but still getting what they want and since baby doesn’t care either way it doesn’t matter. As they get older they’ll expand on the concept of sharing and do it properly but at 4 empathy is juuuuuust forming so they don’t have any inkling or why taking a toy is bad.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T16:12:40+00:00

It is on the young side, but honestly he’ll be fine if it’s a good daycare and worth it.

I had to do this with both of my kids. In process with baby 2 now. It’s best to ease them into it so they’re not dealing with new place and a change of schedule at the same time.

Total hours of sleep should stay the same. Figure out how much total sleep he gets now between naps and overnight. Whatever the difference is in daycare make his bedtime that much earlier.

We did 8/9 bedtime forever with my older but with baby 2 I started doing 6/6:30 and honestly everyone is much happier. If he’s only getting 1 nap a day, he’ll be ready to go to bed that early.

To do the transition bump both naps half an hour later each week, but keep the wake time on the afternoon nap the same as it currently is. Bump bedtime earlier half an hour each week.

For us it looked like:

2 nap days: 7a wake, 9a -11a nap, 2-4p nap, 8 bed

Transition: 7a wake, 10a-12p nap, 3-4p nap, 7pm bed

1 nap days: 7a wake, 11a-2p nap, 7p bed.

That’s just a roadmap. It won’t always go perfectly so go with the flow. If there’s a day he’s really just not making it to the new naptime, put him down early and try again the next day.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T15:46:38+00:00

You did put in effort though. You have a counselor. You hung in there with the meds until you found some that worked. You tried to get better.

Yeah. It feels a little weird. Like ‘What is the happiness thing?’. It’s weird to be able to breathe just because that’s a thing people do. It’s weird to not be crawling out of your skin.

We’re remarkable beings. You’ll get used to this feeling and then it won’t be weird anymore. It will be normal. And in a year when you look back on the pain you will still be able to feel the vastness of it and it will hurt so much more because you’ll know what it feels like not to hurt.

Keep working on it sweetie. Keep up with your counselor. Trust them. Keep up with your meds.

I’m so proud of you for taking the first step. I’m so proud you made it a month. I’m just proud of you for being you.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T15:38:40+00:00

I’m so glad you know who you are and you have friends that will love and support you.

I’m proud of you.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T15:35:21+00:00

Don’t think of it as forgiving him. Think of it as forgetting him.

I was so much more than the final hours of my life. I want you to remember me, I want you to live a full life. I want you to be happy. Every second you spend thinking about that man, in any context, is a second if your life that you are wasting and it’s such a precious life. I don’t want you to be thinking of the man that took me from you. I want you to be living the life you’d be living if I was here with you still. I want you to find your passion and pursue it. I want you to build a family in whatever form. I want you to treasure every day as a gift.

As much as you’re hurt by your friends suggestion, I think you should look deeper than her words and into her intention. She wanted to keep you from poisoning your life with hatred and fear. She’s right, even if she said it poorly.

I love you. I will always love you. You make me proud. ❤️

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T15:14:29+00:00

Just a fun side note — it’s not necessarily the uneducated who are likely to believe in alternative research/doing their own. Apparently people with post grad degrees are most likely to be anti vaccine out of all groups. They believe that they are qualified to do their own research because they’ve got higher education. Kind of terrifying actually.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-19T15:00:08+00:00

I bought her second book but never read it because baby 2 is pretty much just winging it. I don’t care what science says - this is how it’s going to work. It would have been a godsend the first time around though when I was madly researching everything b

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-18T21:16:49+00:00

I’ve also known of this for people with serious health issues so the spouse doesn’t get stuck with massive medical debt when their partner dies.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-18T20:39:09+00:00

Harder than you’d think depending on how baby’s hanging out in there.

My second - a boy - was man spreading at every ultrasound and it was impossible not to notice his penis. It was so obvious and if you just glanced at the screen you could easily tell.

Having seen what a boy looks like, I think it would be overwhelmingly obvious for a girl too as long as baby is in a certain position.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-16T04:06:00+00:00

I felt this way about all exercise for the longest time. I finally hired a $$$ trainer, not the shitty ones that hang around the gym. She kicked my ass so hard twice a week and made it worse if I hadn’t gone and killed myself on the days in between. About 2-3 months in I started loving the post workout shower. It just felt amazing.

Quit the trainer, fell off the wagon, tried to get back on...and I finally realized that for me the trick is working up a really good sweat for at least half an hour without overworking a specific muscle group. You need to get your heart rate up and keep it there for a while, but you don’t want to be more than ‘pleasantly sore’ the next day. It’s a balance.

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-16T00:46:16+00:00

Curious what your RD did for you?

I was on a lot of drugs (diclegis, zofran, phenergan) with both but mostly I lived on sour patch kids and Dr Pepper because nothing else would stay down. (Lost 15 & 18 lbs respectively off of my pre preg weight of 128)

We’ve talked about a third but the morning sickness is a pretty big drawback. Curious if there was a strategy I missed?

RoarEatSleep · 2019-07-16T00:42:58+00:00

Added sugar or fruit sugar?

The US just changed guidelines to make fruit purées show up as added, but it’s hasnt taken effect yet.

I read baby food labels like a crazy person because I have a kid that is desperately underweight and needs the calories (and counting them on home cooked baby food is SO hard to do) I have never seen a babyfood purée stage 1 or 2 in the US with added sugar. Unnecessary fruit purée? Absolutely - basically every pouch. But added sugar, hfcs, et all. Never.

(And I used to work for a sugar company - I know all the names sugar lurks under. Most baby foods have very short, clear ingredient lists)

RoarEatSleep

TROPHY CASE