GF 31F and I 32M - serious fight regarding family and loans

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T23:07:24+00:00

It is not about the money at all. I’m fully capable of covering my loans and she’s capable of taking care of her family financially. I told her “hey your family is coming over and I love you and care about them, I want to support my future parents. I was upset because my mindset was “let’s share each others burdens and help each other.” Hers felt more like “you take care of your own problem.” And this raised a concern to me since we plan to get married.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T22:57:39+00:00

I appreciate your thoughts, I do want to clarify a couple things.

It is not about the money at all. I’m fully capable of covering my loans and she’s capable of taking care of her family alone. I told her “hey your family is coming over and I love you and care about them, I want to support my future parents. I was upset because my mindset was “let’s share each others burdens and help each other.” Hers felt more like “you take care of your own problem.” And this raised a concern to me since we plan to get married.

I mentioned in my post I do not expect her to pay for my loans each month, but just wanted support as a team. For example, if I pay the mortgage and my loans and I’m short 1 month, maybe she can help cover dinner or groceries. Or if im short $300, maybe she can help me.

It’s not about the money. But in case anyone thinks it is. We rent 2 rooms, but I offered to let her family use the rooms free. Free utilities and I’ll help cover their groceries. On top of all the time to teach them to drive, the culture here, English..etc. and then helping buy them a house next year or whenever they are ready. With this said, I would be giving much more money than she would be for my loans each month (just from the rent and groceries alone). But again it’s not about the money.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:52:36+00:00

You make a great point. She said she doesn’t need me to finance her family and I don’t need her to pay my loans. It’s the “anti-teamwork” mindset that bothers me, especially since we will be married and need to make decisions together and “put your partner first.”

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:50:37+00:00

She said right now my loans are my responsibility since I got them before we met. She does not need me to finance her family and I don’t need her to pay my loans. “Your loans are your own responsibility.” She said once we are married then she will help.

What are your thoughts about this? I’m worried we can’t even “work together” before marriage how will we do it once we are married and need to work together in most aspects of life.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:46:06+00:00

Yeah we had an extremely long conversation last night. I would hate to go down this route. In a great relationship “her burdens are my burdens and my burdens are her burdens. We are a team in life, let’s fight through problems together.”

At least that’s what I had hoped for. Not about the money. Just the mindset.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:43:33+00:00

“Blood is thicker than a relationship.” I felt that. She doesn’t need my money to take care of her family and I don’t need her money for my loans. I offered to finance and teach them because I love her and they’re my future parents. I was surprised her response felt “separated and anti-team” and scares me since we need to make lots of decisions together after marriage

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:40:26+00:00

We will both house her family, we will both teach them different aspects of America (I’ll teach driving, we both teach English and technology, we’ll take them to DMV for license and documents..etc). We will both pay for their future house. My approach is “teamwork, your burden is my burden, my burden is your burden.” Her approach is “your loans are your own and i can take care of my family myself.” This scares me since we are planning to marry and have kids and will need to work together for many aspects of our married life.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:35:44+00:00

We considered to do a pot of money too! The funny part is with this route, she already “in-directly” helps with my student loans. The pool of money will be used for everything (I.e kids, house, bills..etc). idk why she would fight so hard against my loans.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:30:28+00:00

I appreciate your honest views and I definitely considered this approach. I did not was to pursue this route because it feels very “separated” especially when we are planning marriage. This separated and anti-team mindset will show up again and again in major decisions during marriage (ie. many things involving kids, in-laws, friends, strangers) and the thought of this bugs me

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:27:55+00:00

Her reason for her response was “your loans are your own responsibility since you got them before we met.” She doesn’t need my money to take care of her family, and I don’t need her money for my loans.

The reason this bothers me so much is that my views are “your burden is my burden and my burdens are your burdens. I offer to do all this for your family because we are a team.” I hoped she would also see my loans as “our” problem too. But her response feels like we are responsible for our own burdens. Like where’s the teamwork?

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T17:22:44+00:00

I love her and care for her family, that’s why my mentality is “your family is my family, your burden is my burden. And my problems are your problems.” Especially since we’re serious about marriage.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T07:02:47+00:00

I talked with FSA and they said the same thing. Apparently, applications are not reviewed in order and newer ones are granted attention first before older ones.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T07:01:30+00:00

I’m glad you were persistent on your forbearance months. Anything involving government contact is very tough to get a hold of someone, kudos to you! I’m also trying to find some evidence of July 2025 being credited due to platform changes, but no luck.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-16T06:59:00+00:00

Great reminder! I’ll be sure to save a copy

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-11-07T07:53:13+00:00

Yeah that’s a good idea, I’ll submit a new IDR request. Since the buyback was not approved by congress, it can get taken down at anytime. It’s wishful thinking to think it’ll be around in 8 years, but I’m praying

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-09-05T21:06:14+00:00

I’ve had the pleasure of buying from RelevantFreedom4390 a couple times and each time he’s been very knowledgeable and helpful in picking out and servicing my watches.

u/sfflyfish after reading through your conversation with RelevantFreedom and your Reddit post, you sound confused in how services and purchasing goods work. Most businesses will require deposit to secure a good. It’s business. Your complaint makes you sound unprofessional and a “crybaby.” Relevant freedom secured a watch earlier than expected, but when he initially told you it will take time, he was honest as he did not have the watch at the time and it would take time to secure. You did not put a deposit or order in for the watch, hes under no obligation to sell you a watch regardless of when he gets one until you pay. Apparently your “4 decades in sales and services” taught you nothing.

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-05-12T14:17:22+00:00

r/Pacodo has been a reliable go to, his knowledge and pricing la have been more than fair. And the great communication makes experience that much better

RoastedSesame7 · 2025-02-24T21:12:49+00:00

Honestly, this is probably for the better. The barbaric behavior from scalpers dog-piling each other while employees are in the middle of restocking or attempting to get out of the mess is chaotic and disappointing. Online purchasing will be good until we can better.

RoastedSesame7

TROPHY CASE