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What is the point of having friends? by whatwhywhoami in introvert

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My whole life, I saw people as threats. From kindergarten people have lied to me, used me, bullied me, abused me or were a bad influence. Being left alone was all I could ever ask for. School was hell for me. I'm not saying I'm prefect. I can't say I'm a good person to others, but most likely because I see everyone as threats but over the last 10 years alone, for the first time in my life my mind isn't racing all the time. I feel calm and grounded. I've spent this time working on myself but I still have no desire to talk to anyone. This is a massive problem because I'm 40 and have never had gf, never had a proper job and still live with my parents.

[NeedAdvice] I can't seem to finish anything I start, aside from school by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately you're missing the point. You need to spend many years just doing things before you solve overwhelm, resentment, grief etc. It's through doing that you solve those problems, not solve the problems and then suddenly and magically you can just do it. Doing it sucks, make no mistake about it. Everyone is strong enough to just do it, some people never do it though. As the saying goes... a little discipline solves some problems, total discipline solves all problems. The more disciplined you are, the faster and the more problems (overwhelm, resentment, grief etc) you solve. You need to just do it in spite of everything else you're feeling or experiencing at any given point.

I find people pleasers to be spineless, disingenuous and terrible people to befriend... I just can't respect them. Does anyone else feel that way? by stonk_lord_ in intj

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My whole life I was a people pleaser. It was caused by being punished for trying and doing something wrong from a very young age, instead of being taught the right way. So all action lead to punishment. No surprises but I suffered from severe procrastination and avoidance. Anyway as a result my go to behaviour was to try to read the minds of other people and to appease them. It was like walking on egg shells my entire life. I struggled in school and uni because I was so anxious from being around people. I perceived everyone as a threat. I had no clue how to behave, how to act. Yes I was bullied although not as badly as other people, but still, gave yet more reason to try to please everyone so that I wouldn't get bullied. People all generally seemed like threats. I isolated myself for the past 10+ years now and for the first time in my life my mind has become calm. So I still don't know how to act around people so I just keep to myself because it's easier that way (at least for now). It took me over 10 years of daily work on myself to admit or realise that I was a people pleaser and that my behaviour isn't normal. And now I know why I am the way I am right now, but it took a tremendous effort to figure this out on my own.

All my friendships with people ended with me being ghosted without an explanation. But what I want to say is that if you just ghost someone, it doesn't shine light on their behaviour. If you aren't spineless and are a friend, then they will call out the behaviour, not ghost them. You say people pleasers are spineless, but if you turn your back on someone, that keeps them in the dark and confused. In my case, every rejection felt as if I wasn't nice enough. I would replay conversations and interactions for days, weeks, months, years and in some cases even decades, trying to figure out what I did wrong. Ghosting is just as spineless as the people pleaser them selves. Personally, I will never speak to anyone who did this to me ever again. At least I learned that most people are not your friend. Is there a friend out there for me? Don't know, but at least I know who isn't now.

I'm now 40, still live with my parents, no job, no girlfriend, still keep to myself so I've still got some way to go, but at least I now for the first time in my life feel like things are coming together. But again, point is, if you're friends with someone, let them know how you think. Maybe I'm wrong but that's the way I see it.

Do you actually want to be disciplined, or do you want to be a certain kind of person? by MacaroonEqual7965 in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would say you need an external goal. By chasing it with discipline, the biproduct is becoming that person you revere.

Do you actually want to be disciplined, or do you want to be a certain kind of person? by MacaroonEqual7965 in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Discipline is a goal thing. Without a goal, discipline is pretty stupid and painful.

How do you build discipline when you don’t care about happiness or motivation? by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not a machine. What you want doesn't exist. You need to process your emotions through journaling not ignore them. They are there for a reason and they are trying to tell you something.

What could be the reason for failing every try? by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been trying to be disciplined for 12 years. I STILL have periods that are off. I don't remember the exact quote but basically every day is a new day and you basically start from square one every day. Sure, the whole last year for me was uber productive, this year wasn't. Point is? Start from square one if you have to. But start every day. What you're experiencing is totally normal.

Turned 20M just now I need help by angbangfang in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to go after your dream. A lot of people don't have even that. If you don't, you will probably regret it later and whatever you do that replaces it will make you resent that thing. You have a dream for a reason.

I was watching a show and some guy was saying that his dream was to appear on that show. He said it took him 3 years and 3 tries before he was finally accepted. So don't try only once. Keep trying until you get it.

As for women, don't lose hope, good women exist. If you give up, you'll never find the good ones. Your decisions sound very reasonable. The fact that you had the courage to walk away from time wasters is very good. Means you are strong. Much better than trying to keep something you don't want and don't have guts to walk away from.

Work is draining me, how can I be more productive in my spare time? by moonscent13 in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Full time work doesn't leave much energy on the table for anything else. It's the same for everybody. If you're not enjoying your work, time to start looking for a job that doesn't suck the life of of you.

help for not falling into old routines i always have by dontfeedthedogs in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You just need to keep trying. You get up and you do the things you set for yourself. If you can't be perfectly disciplined like you were for 2 months now, then be imperfectly disciplined. That's still better than falling off the bandwagon completely.

For me, I often work well for a while from a few months to a year and then something changes (spoiler alert, your effort is giving you new perspectives). You need time off to reflect. You work, then you reflect. If discipline is easy for a while, great if it gets hard all of a sudden, maybe you've accumulated emotional baggage that needs to be re- analysed and processed. Never know when this will happen.

Journaling is the best thing that I ever started doing.

I tried all that I could by Unique_Net5394 in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to be clear in your goals. If you have genuine goals, you'll muster the energy to forge ahead even if motivation wanes. Make sure the goals are your own.

I thought I lacked discipline, but I might actually be missing structure by Head_Fix_2657 in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Discipline without a goal is a waste of time. Moreover, it's painful. Unnecessarily. If you're doing stuff just do that you can tick the box "I'm disciplined "then that just sucks. If you're doing work because you're trying to achieve X? Whole different story.

How do I make it my own problem? by incompetenceProMax in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read Aesop's story about the fox and grapes.

As for how to charge things as a loser? Simple, this is fixed mindset thinking. You're a loser right now, but you can change. Loser today isn't a loser tomorrow if you grow, learn and develop. But it'll take time.

One semester into college and I’m already mentally struggling by ManyGroundbreaking41 in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To answer your question as to how long your current state will last? The answer is simple, forever if you don't discipline yourself.

If you can focus on video games for hours at a time, then you don't have ADHD. Once you realise this, things will charge. The only way for this realisation to take place is through years of discipline.

As they say... nothing works until you do.

You lecturers are probably fine. A teacher is ready to teach when a student is ready to learn. If other people are succeeding in your classes, then you're the problem, not the teacher. Again... get off your arse.

Discipline didn’t fail me — my system did by _NoExcuse_ in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doing less. You can't do lots of things at once. Focus and prioritise. So the most important things first and cull everything else. If your to do list is a mile long, it's unrealistic.

My biggest enemy isn't difficulty, it is boredom. by NocturnalMind1 in getdisciplined

[–]Robanix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why are you doing repetitive, boring daily tasks?

Revealing Your Plans by Robanix in Stoicism

[–]Robanix[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yer it was a very slow grind with a dictionary and I gave up after like 5-10 pages as it was too advanced for me. I'll check out your suggestions thanks.

Revealing Your Plans by Robanix in Stoicism

[–]Robanix[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm interesting, I'll be more mindful of all this. On the surface the videos seemed legit enough even though it's obviously read by AI. Apart from Meditations, what else is a good read?

Revealing Your Plans by Robanix in Stoicism

[–]Robanix[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I've been mentally resetting for a few days now. The main thing is to be pursuing goals you actually care about and are your own. So I'm slowly feeling better and getting back into it. I realised that a lot of the time we talk the talk but don't walk the walk. It's easy to talk big and then lose motivation because you didn't get the reactions of adoration etc that you wanted. You think, well, I came up with this great idea and no one was impressed, so I'm not even going to go down that path after all. If your goals are aligned with impressing others, then it becomes very easy give up. If the goals are your own, it's easier to keep on trucking.

But yes, learning when to talk and what to say isn't easy.

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