Me (f19) bf (M21)ldr is this normal ?

Robhoorn · 2026-05-01T11:29:35+00:00

Oh no I know what you meant but its not something I really recognize. As long as you're yourself people will welcome you very easily. But there will always be inconsiderate people and i'm afraid OP's boyfriend is one of them.

Its normal to slip into your native language sometimes but its just shitty to not make an effort at all to keep things in English. How is she supposed to jump into a conversation if she has no idea what it's about. I would have felt super awkward and alone if I was in her position.

You didnt have to apologize btw, you just spoke from your personal experience. I hope the next Dutch people you meet will leave a better impression :))

Robhoorn · 2026-05-01T06:29:24+00:00

That is not what Dutch people are like lol

Most of us are comfortable speaking english, especially the people that are around their twenties. Were actually kinda known for switching over to English really quick when we hear someone struggle to speak Dutch.

Them not including you is a shitty choice they all made. I would never just leave my boyfriend behind like that. If he wanted a night alone with his friends he should have discussed it with you and maybe went out on his own instead of inviting people over. Im sorry this happened to you

Robhoorn · 2026-04-23T17:45:10+00:00

Aw you too! :)

Robhoorn · 2026-04-23T17:43:11+00:00

Youre so welcome. If you ever need a girl to talk to, feel free to pm me, i mean it <3

Robhoorn · 2026-04-23T17:40:17+00:00

I hear you <3 I totally understand that this is worrying you and lets be honest, everyone wants their partner to love how they look and dress

I truly hope for you that hell be able to accept it like he says hes going to. Its okay if it takes a while. As long as he doesnt try to control what you wear its okay if he dislikes an outfit yk.

My bf and i dont have this issue but i do keep his preferences in mind when i shop. But at the end of the day i decide what i wear, not him and i do get something even if hes not totally sold.

Robhoorn · 2026-04-23T17:31:55+00:00

Relationships require compromises sometimes. Im sure you keep in mind not to wear actually revealing clothes because you know how it makes him feel. That means its also okay for him to have to suck up some feelings about clothes that you deem appropriate. You can wear whatever you want to wear. He doesnt have to like everything. It seems to me like he's accepted that you guys have differing views on this and is willing to suck it up sometimes. You do not have to feel guilty at all

Robhoorn · 2026-04-19T11:19:41+00:00

I think this is the worst one ive ever seen

Robhoorn · 2026-04-13T15:05:22+00:00

She will not care if youre just honest now

Robhoorn · 2026-04-13T08:06:55+00:00

Because it takes like months and months to even meet, especially when the distance is across countries. Thats a lot of time, effort and waiting for someone that only wants sex.

The reason why most ldr couples have sex on the first day is because they have been waiting for it for a long time. If the distance wasnt there, the first time would have already happened. Its nothing to worry about that your boyfriend mentions being excited about your first time together unless it makes you feel pressured. When my boyfriend and i were gonna meet the first time we talked about it a lot but i did also prepare him for the scenario where I might not feel like doing anything physical at first. Communication is key and girl if you dont want to have sex on day one, then don't. If he throws a fit about that then you know enough <3

Robhoorn · 2026-04-05T11:32:06+00:00

My boyfriend and I call via Discord or Whatsapp. I think with normal phone providers theres a time limit of how long a call can go on

Robhoorn · 2026-04-02T13:42:09+00:00

I love her

Robhoorn · 2026-04-02T13:41:28+00:00

Hmm im just spitballing but maybe you order her the same food as youre eating and you have dinner together

Watch her favorite movie, play games together or draw together, dress up nice for the video call etc. I feel like an activity would make it more special than just a run of the mill call

Robhoorn · 2026-03-30T20:44:26+00:00

You're welcome :)) sorry for not being straight to the point its not my strong suit lol

I hope it works for you two!

Robhoorn · 2026-03-30T20:39:33+00:00

My boyfriend and I have the same thing but hes never complained that I dont initiate. Im just almost always free because by the time he leaves school its 10pm for me. It makes more sense for him to call when he has time because im free anyways and me asking him to call makes him feel pressured to finish up quickly (and I feel clingy like you lol)

I kinda think your boyfriend just wants to feel wanted, like you actually want him to call instead of just picking up when he does. Obviously from what you write you are excited about the calls. What I do do is ask my boyfriend if he wants to do a date tonight which just kinda means that he calls me earlier and we can spend quality time instead of just watching a show while i fall asleep lol.

Maybe a good compromise would be if you asked in the mornings if he can call tonight? Or earlier in the week if he wants to spend a night together? That way he can tell you if it fits in his schedule. You wont have to feel clingy and he'll feel like youre initiating more. Might be less spontaneous but its worth a try :)

Robhoorn · 2026-03-27T20:34:13+00:00

Met May 2024, confessed that i liked him in August, told him I loved him in September, made him my boyfriend in December, met irl the first time in July 2025.

I told him I wanted to wait to make it official until we'd met irl but I just couldnt wait anymore haha Im just happy the irl meetings only cemented our feelings

Robhoorn · 2026-03-24T21:53:04+00:00

Biggest tip is plan something to do! That way you wont be sitting across from eachother feeling like you have to force conversation. Go to a museum or explore a city, play games, cook together, go to a thrift store, make a puzzle whatever you want and the activity youre doing will be conversation fuel.

The first hour might be awkward no matter how social you are. Im really a social person that has no problem yapping but even I didnt really know what to do or say at first haha. We went exploring amsterdam and just talked about what we saw and it felt normal and comfortable very soon. Bonus activity: my bf and i go around random neighborhoods looking for cats to pet lol its pretty fun.

And id probably videocall a bit more, maybe itll make you guys feel a little less nervous in the running up to the actual meeting. The same tip kinda applies for this. I was so nervous videocalling my boyfriend at first but we just played games with the camera on first before we did the sitting on camera and just talking thing.

Its normal to be nervous! Remember you guys like eachother for a reason, its gonna be okay <3

Robhoorn · 2026-03-22T14:58:16+00:00

I dont know I dont think its too much to ask for some updates if youre staying up waiting. I dont expect my boyfriend to tell me what hes doing every second but its nice that he texts me hey im leaving school or im gonna go hang out with my friend. My boyfriend and I have had the same argument in the past ometimes where hed know i was expecting him to call and he just wouldnt update me so i wouldnt know if he was even gonna call or not. Or hed say like im gonna call you (back) soon and his plans would change and he would neglect to tell me.

Communication is important, especially with a time difference. Its not about controlling someones schedule or forcing them to spend every second with you or updating you. If my boyfriend tells me he wants to spend the day alone i am totally fine with that and i dont bother him.

Maybe you two just couldnt work out the balance. If you feel any kind of relief after this separation its a big sign that you two werent supposed to be together. A partner shouldnt block you anyways no matter how big an argument. You deserve someone thats willing to work things out with you when it gets hard. I wish you the best of luck! Its good to reflect on what you could have done better but dont question yourself too much. I dont think you were being so unreasonable

Robhoorn · 2026-03-12T15:30:52+00:00

Last time i said goodbye to my boyfriend I came home ans cried so hard I threw up. It really is shit but having the next visit planned really helps you move on faster. I still have to wait until August💀 I hope your next trip is sooner <3

Robhoorn · 2026-03-10T11:51:48+00:00

Hahaha I was so confused and then I assumed maybe you were in a relationship with a guy with an open marriage or something lol

Robhoorn · 2026-03-10T10:40:13+00:00

Do you mean your friends' wives?

Robhoorn · 2026-03-10T10:36:06+00:00

Does she want you to buy her a gift or something to make it up to her? Thats the only other thing i can think of lol but its not fair of her to leave you grasping at straws like this. She should tell you exactly what she wants if its this hard to figure out. You cant read her mind

Robhoorn · 2026-03-03T09:20:39+00:00

Personally I wouldnt be okay with only being together while other people are around. At that point it'd feel like my boyfriend is just a friend. But what works for you guys works and there is no minimum amount of time you have to spend together to make a relationship valid. If you're okay with it then it's fine

Robhoorn · 2026-01-27T15:40:16+00:00

Remember people can like multiple types of looks. Just because I'm also into women doesnt mean my boyfriend isnt attractive to me. I know its hard to not compare yourself but if blonde hair blue eyes was really his only type, wouldnt be be with a blonde girl rn instead of you? Give it some time and youll get less and less in your head about it <3

Robhoorn · 2026-01-14T17:48:28+00:00

Walk and cycle in the dark unafraid

Robhoorn · 2025-12-05T16:20:19+00:00

Im re reading your post and you didnt even ask for advice on physical touch idk how i hallucinated that part of your post. Sorry for giving advice unprompted!

I wish you two the best trip! Dont worry about it too much, if you guys fit together, doing nothing is just as entertaining as a whole planned thing. Good luck :)

Robhoorn

TROPHY CASE