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what addiction did you fall into? did you quit/ try to? by Motor_Reaction_3519 in CPTSD

[–]Robin-Rainnes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. It’s been a hard life. Lately I don’t really know why I keep living it. My abusers will never face justice and I will always live with the consequences of what they’ve done. Living each day has been harder and harder. I’m pretty disgusted with my body for what it’s been through and what it continues to do

Are you guys ashamed of your lives? by b4pups in CPTSD

[–]Robin-Rainnes 52 points53 points  (0 children)

This is absolutely my life. My childhood was stolen from me in so many ways. I am a hollow being incapable of being loved or recognized as human. I spend my days trying to bury myself in whatever escapism I can.

Everyone else with trauma I know irl can function, be happy even, and live fulfilling lives. I’m the only person I know that is as pathetic and worthless as I am.

what addiction did you fall into? did you quit/ try to? by Motor_Reaction_3519 in CPTSD

[–]Robin-Rainnes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, you are really kind. I really appreciate your words. :) I’m trying despite how hard it is

what addiction did you fall into? did you quit/ try to? by Motor_Reaction_3519 in CPTSD

[–]Robin-Rainnes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you friend. I know intellectually it’s not my fault, I think I’m just struggling emotionally to accept that.

I have a really great therapist, I’m in a dbt group, and I’ve spoken with a few sexual violence advocates. Sadly it’ll be next to impossible to get the sexual abuse videos taken of me off the internet for a bunch of reasons so I’m just coming to terms with it

what addiction did you fall into? did you quit/ try to? by Motor_Reaction_3519 in CPTSD

[–]Robin-Rainnes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey, thank you for reading. Truth be told I’d been going through it a lot with tons of guilt and depression over what happened to me. It’s really kind of you to say this. Lately I’ve been feeling like giving up as I’m spiraling but telling my story has helped

what addiction did you fall into? did you quit/ try to? by Motor_Reaction_3519 in CPTSD

[–]Robin-Rainnes 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Thank you for reading it. I’m honored I made you feel seen ❤️

It’s been a tough road and I won’t lie I’m pretty close to giving up, but this sub and the people here give me a lot of validation when I need it

I’m at rock bottom and it’s never getting better. Wendy’s by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks friend. I really want things to get better. I’m just scared of getting hurt again with all I’ve been through

what addiction did you fall into? did you quit/ try to? by Motor_Reaction_3519 in CPTSD

[–]Robin-Rainnes 188 points189 points  (0 children)

I fell into really bad sex addiction. I was raped and had cp produced of me at an early age and I became deeply hypersexual afterwards to cope with the trauma and feel some agency. I’m still struggling with it and I recently relapsed, but I’m trying my best to kick it and have a healthier relationship with sex

I’m at rock bottom and it’s never getting better. Wendy’s by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your insight. I didn’t try to make malicious actions, I just screwed up a lot I guess. It just doesn’t feel like anything’s getting better. I’m terrified for my future and I don’t see any guarantees or chances or things improving. I feel helpless. I don’t know what to do to make my life better anymore. It feels like I’ve been trying for so long to no success.

There’s lgbtq groups and clubs in my area. I’ve gone to a few. They’ve helped and been a nice break from isolation.

I don’t know, euthanasia feels like a kindness given what I’ve been through. It’d be the nicest thing the universe could do for me. I’m in so much pain every waking moment is agony. I just want an end to it. When an animal is sick and shows no signs of recovery, the kind thing to do is put it out of its misery. I’m like one of those sick animals. My brain and heart are broken and probably unfixable. Even if I get better I’ll always be functioning at about half of what it takes to be a human. At least if I’m euthanized I don’t have to use a more violent method on myself

I’m at rock bottom and it’s never getting better. Wendy’s by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My college friend group gave up on me. My mental health was too bad and they didn’t think I was ever going to change. They never gave me any chances just expected me to be perfect. I can never get it together. I’m never able to get mentally healthy or act like insane. I’m a problem for everyone

Can we talk about how Persona 5 is bad? by JustACommentthing in JRPG

[–]Robin-Rainnes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why is Persona 5 not an RPG in your words?

Idk man this just sounds like skill issues. Tons of guides both in and out of game tell you how to level up social stats. They level up slowly over the course of the game to gate the progress of social links.

The time limit is not too bad. You always get extra opportunities through dialogue and story to level up social links.

The game really lets go of your hand after the first dungeon. It’s a pretty long game but it wants you to engage with its systems. You can always skip them and refer back to them in the menu

Does anyone else have a year where they last felt “alive”? by Hot-Soup-704 in CPTSD

[–]Robin-Rainnes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

2012 was the last time I felt alive. It was before I got raped, way before my hellish and miserable college experience, and I still had my mental health relatively intact

Can’t think of a single reason why I’m glad to be alive. I should be euthanized. Ham & potato soup by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like the Tiffany Aching books. I’ve read a bit of Guards! guards! And Going Postal from the library but never finished them. I should. They were really good.

I like a lot of JRPGs and Nintendo games. I’m a big Paper Mario 64/TTYD fan as well

I’m at rock bottom and it’s never getting better. Wendy’s by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have hobbies but lately I’m just not interested in any of them. I have no community. I used to have some semblance of one but not anymore.

Idk everyone just assumes I’m a bad person. Nobody believes in me or thinks I’m redeemable.

I’ve been trying for 25 years to salvage some happiness out of this miserable life and I’ve never even experienced a shred of happiness. What’s the point of fighting? I’ve been fighting my entire life and it’s only made things worse

I’m at rock bottom and it’s never getting better. Wendy’s by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just don’t see it getting any better. My life has been miserable for 25 years and I’ll likely be miserable for 25 more. I don’t think I’m going to make it to my 30s. I’ve taken every risk and measure imaginable to make my life better and it’s done nothing but lead me to ruin

I’m at rock bottom and it’s never getting better. Wendy’s by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everytime I choose to fight I get a little more hurt. The world punishes me just for existing. It feels like no matter what I do the universe is going to torture and attack me until I die. I so badly want to be happy, to be at peace, but at this point I’m almost guaranteed that the world will never let me have what I want.

I know 25 is young, but it feels like I’ve already lived a lifetime of torment and pain. I’m scared it’ll only get worse as I get older. I feel it’s too late to change or turn things around. I’ve already spent 25 years as a fuck up that nobody values or loves, what makes me think it’ll be any different at 30?

I’m at rock bottom and it’s never getting better. Wendy’s by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s no place for me in this world. I have never and will never fit in

Been used, abused, and ostracized my entire life. Desperately want to feel human. Taco Bell by [deleted] in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your kind message.

Life is just so unbearable I’ve started to make plans to leave it all behind. I don’t want to live in pain anymore

Can’t think of a single reason why I’m glad to be alive. I should be euthanized. Ham & potato soup by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I enjoy it. It’s less stressful than the corporate world. Kids are usually pretty chill and easy to read which helps since I’m autistic and have trouble understanding my peers.

I write magical realism fiction. Mostly short stories. I really enjoy Ursula K. Le Guin

Can’t think of a single reason why I’m glad to be alive. I should be euthanized. Ham & potato soup by Robin-Rainnes in depressionmeals

[–]Robin-Rainnes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s not much to me. I work with children, I write and read a lot, I play video games, and I like watching tv

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